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DATING TIP: How To Act On The First Date
Q&A With David D.: "How To Act On The First Date"
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***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***
"How should I act on the first date? What should we talk
about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?"
These are all questions that I get asked often in one way
or another, and in this dating tip I'd like to address
this topic.
***MY COMMENTS***
The first thing to remember when you're meeting up
with a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.
You're not applying for a job (and neither is she),
so don't act like it.
It's so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant
and I hear a couple that's obviously out on their first
date... and the guy has no idea what to do.
It sounds like this:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"
Painful.
Why is it that people tend to act like they're on
job interviews when they go out on dates?
It's just such the not-right thing to do.
I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other
and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting
guy in this world.
Here's a good rule of thumb:
ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING,
PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU
HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.
And why is this?
Good question. And I'm glad you asked.
First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the
conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics...
Most guys approach a first date from the perspective
of "I don't want to screw this up".
In other words, they try to play it safe and not do
anything or say anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who
love mom, have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they
act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things
that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they
might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and
a second opportunity to buy dinner).
I don't know where this concept came from, but it's
just not a very effective approach.
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD,
BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.
Attraction happens when there is energy, spice,
humor, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy.
So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of
BOREDOM, you're going to have to learn a new way.
You're going to have to learn to talk about something
else.
The trick to not talking about the "usual" things is
to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.
Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics
to humans in general?
Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is
painful to one of the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come
to mind:
"So what's with The Osbournes being MTV's #1 show of all
time? I guess people just can't get enough of dysfunctional
family life... they have to watch it on TV too."
"I'm so bummed that Justin broke up with Britney. They were
so damn cute together. I was hoping that they'd have a
daughter with fake blonde hair and breast implants at birth."
"Have you tuned into this "Cheaters" TV show? Don't you just
love it when they come storming into someone's house and
catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?"
These topics will light up a conversation like nobody's
business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be
cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and
neurotic behavior of others.
The trick is that you must remember you're not there
to impress her, and you're not on a job interview.
The more you act nervous, stilted, and uncomfortable...
like you're trying to impress her and get her approval...
and like you don't want to say anything that might make
her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger
that all-important ATTRACTION inside of her.
And here's a real twist on this theme:
If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about
school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to
bust on her and say "What, is this a job interview?"
Or "Can't you think of something interesting to talk
about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-
family conversation. Let's save that until we're picking
names for our kids."
Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:
1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history
of places. If you're in an interesting part of town, tell
her the story of how the area came to be named, or why
the city was built where it is. And if the story involves
a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.
2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless.
Try learning a little about fashion, this way you can make
fun of it while acting like you know what you're talking
about. "Didn't Madonna really screw up the fashion world
with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?"
3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your
wild perspective on others. "You know, I've been trying to
figure out why so many people these days are going postal
and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC,
Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio." This
one can be a lot of fun... be creative.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be
INTERESTING.
The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job interview
rap just doesn't cut it.
Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just talked
about will make sense, but they won't come naturally.
That's OK. You may have to work on this for awhile,
especially if you've spent the last 25 or so years doing
the wrong thing.
Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong road
you've gone, TURN BACK."
So remember, attraction isn't a choice. And attraction
doesn't make logical sense. If you want to create that
magical "chemistry", then you're going to have to LEARN
and PRACTICE it.
...and if you'd like to learn several dozen more great
ideas on how to meet, attract, date, and get physical with
women, I recommend that you download a copy of my online
eBook "Double Your Dating." Just go do:
http://www.doubleyourdatingnow.com/ebook/
...now for all the details. (If you're on AOL, you'll have
to copy and paste that address in your browser.)
You can also listen to me personally teach over 12 full hours of
the most advanced concepts available anywhere in the
world on meeting and dating women as part of an
advanced dating techniques workbook. Just go to:
http://www.doubleyourdatingnow.com/advancedseries
...for all the details. On that page you'll find several samples
from a CD based program, so check them out.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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