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DATING TIPS Q&A: Meeting Women With The Personals
DATING TIPS Q&A: "Meeting Women With The Personals"
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[Note: This question starts with an interesting
success story, and that's one of the reasons I chose
it. Because of this, I'm going to discuss two
different points in this newsletter... so enjoy!]
***THE QUESTION***
"Dave,
Date #1 was coffee. Date #2 was yesterday, and success
came as a surprise. Here's why.
I understand the theory behind being cocky/funny, but
from lack of experience, I couldn't quite start doing
it on date #1. Now, on date #2 (same cutie), I somehow
managed to do it a bit where opportunity arose. I also
managed to avoid some direct questions, especially
about work and family.
But she seemed a bit distracted and I didn't quite
feel a connection building. Worst of all: a Voice in
the back of my head kept saying, "Man, you're just not
doing this right; you're missing something; you've got
so much to learn; back to the drawing board!"
However, I *just stuck to the method.* No one
overhearing us would have said, "This guy is funny as
hell," but he would have said, "This guy has a sense
of humor and is confident." We ate sushi, then went to
a movie (A Beautiful Mind). Suddenly *she* started
touching me while whispering comments. Afterwards, we
got to kissing without even a kiss test! The only hard
part was to cut it short with a "hey, you're fast!"
and leave while still on a roll.
THE WORD OF CAUTION to all fellow trainees: Don't
listen to the Voice! Don't evaluate while on the date.
Don't worry. Just have fun. Stick to the method. Boy
was I surprised when this cutie suddenly was so warmed
up I could smell the pheromones!
NOW FOR MY QUESTION to you, Dave. As practice, I
answered some ten online personal ads, got two
replies, but in both cases the girl dropped the ball.
I realized that I did not apply any cocky/funniness in
the emails. Should I? How to do it email? How is it
different from in person? I'm unsure about the
strategy here.
C."
>MY COMMENTS: I'm really glad you wrote in, because
you really hit the nail on the head and brought up
points that I have seen and dealt with a lot... both
in my personal experience, and when coaching guys in
general.
A lot of guys have this idea that if they're
not seeing "instant results" that what they're doing
isn't working.
In other words, if a guy says something that's
cocky and funny, and the girl doesn't jump on him, he
assumes that he made a mistake.
Even worse, sometimes women will respond to
cocky/funny comments with the "I can't believe you
just said that" look... to which a lot of guys respond
with "Oh, um... I was just kidding".
Big mistake.
The best thing to do when a woman gives you this
kind of look or response is to SAY SOMETHING ELSE
THAT'S EVEN MORE COCKY AND FUNNY!
Then, if she keeps actually objects to what
you're saying in a "serious" way, you'll know that
she's probably a cold fish and not going to be any
fun anyway.
But in MOST cases, you'll find that the second
comment either gets a laugh... or at least a "I can't
believe you just said that" look.
THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT THE LOOK OF
DISAPPROVAL IS USUALLY NOT ACTUAL DISAPPROVAL, IT'S
JUST SIMPLY TO SEE IF YOU'RE A WUSS AND WILL DO WHAT
IT TAKES TO KISS UP TO HER.
I know that this may be hard to believe, but stop
for a moment and think back in your own experience to
see if this makes sense...
Now that I'm to a point where I could care less
what a woman thinks of me, and I don't respond to
these kinds of things by backing down, I find that
women are FAR more attracted to me. Women simply are
not ATTRACTED to men who kiss their asses.
And this is a great example of what often happens
when you just stick to the program, and don't wuss
out.
Now, on to your actual question...
Let's talk about how to deal with women when
meeting them via the personals.
First of all, imagine what it's like to be a
woman who's running a personal ad.
1) She'll get dozens of responses a day, in most
cases.
2) Most of the responses are from desperate loser
guys who make it very clear that they are not at all
attractive.
3) Within a few days all of the guys seem to blur
together into one big mass of exactly what she
isn't looking for.
So let's play this out.
You're a woman who's tired of playing the dating
game, meeting guys at bars, or whatever... and you
think "Hey, maybe I should place a personal ad and
see if I can meet a nice guy." So you get online and
see an ad for a free trial at a personal ad site,
and you go for it.
The first day of your ad, you get 35 responses.
You're thinking "Wow, this is cool. I'm going to be
able to choose between all these guys... there HAS
to be a few good ones in here..." so you go to work
reading through them.
The first one says "I'm a DWM, 45, two kids,
looking for a SWF for a LTR...."
You're so bored that you delete it thinking to
yourself "I hope they're not all that boring."
Second one says "Hi, you're really hot. If you'd
like to get together for some "no strings attached"
physical fun, get back to me. I'm very into giving
pleasure..."
DELETE.
And on and on... and the next day there are 35
more full of the same stuff...
If you think that I'm exaggerating, just ask a
few women who have run personals. This is real world.
With that said, if you're going to work with
the personals, you need to do a few things to:
1) Get her attention and stand out.
2) Come across as something OTHER than a loser.
3) Get her to answer you, then get her on the
phone ASAP, before she tunes out from all the
responses.
To answer your first question, YES you should
be cocky and funny with personals! As a matter of
fact, you need to turn up the volume for this special
occasion...
Here's an example of something I might say:
"Well, you sound like you might be more than just
another pretty face. Something tells me that you're
probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys
saying things like "Hi, I'm freshly divorced from my
seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids... but the good
news is that I have a good chance at finally getting
a job..." etc.
In any event, I'm 35, have my life together, and I'm
more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so
you'd better like to laugh.
You sound like you might make an interesting friend,
so let's get together for a cup of something
delicious and some interesting conversation... if
you think you can handle it, that is!"
I can see it now... you're probably already going
out and signing up for ten online personal sites and
you're thinking "Hey, cool... I'll just cut and paste
what David D. wrote here and the chicks will bangin'
my door down."
Well, in fact that might happen. And I'd recommend
that you test this one out...
But here are a few more tips for you, based on a
LOT of experience:
1) If you're going to use the personals, you have to
STAY ON TOP OF THEM. You want to be one of the first
10 people to email a woman! Not number 293. Yes, this
means paying attention.
2) You need to do something to make it personal. Use
your cocky and funny skills to talk about something
she said in her ad. If she's into dogs, say "Hey,
let's go down to the pet store and see if we can't
get your pooch one of those extra-fancy chew toys
that are like Krispy Kremes for dogs." Use your
imagination, and stay cocky and funny.
3) Get her on the phone as soon as you possibly can.
Remember, even though she sounds like she likes you
in the first email or two, she's STILL GETTING 40
MORE GUYS SENDING HER RESPONSES EVERY DAY. If you
don't get her on the phone fast, you'll just fade
into the pool of losers in her mind.
Here's a little secret: Personals are one of the
BEST places to learn and practice how to be cocky and
funny, because you can THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO
SAY! It's like a real world simulator. I love it.
Thanks for your email... and for reminding everyone
how important it is to "stick to the plan."
...and by the way, I have more tips on how to meet
women online, what to say, and all kinds of other great
priceless techniques for attracting women in my eBook
"Double Your Dating." If you haven't downloaded your
copy yet, you need to go to:
http://www.doubleyourdatingnow.com/ebook/
...and get it now. It's the best investment you can
make in your dating future.
If you've read my eBook and want to REALLY get a world-
class education about how to attract women, then I'd
recommend you invest in my new CD Audio program. You
can listen to me personally teach over 12 full hours of
the most advanced concepts available anywhere in the
world on meeting and dating women. Just go to:
http://www.doubleyourdatingnow.com/advancedseries
...for all the details. On that page you'll also find
several samples from the program, so check them out.
I'll talk to you soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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(c) 2002 David DeAngelo Communications, Inc., All Rights
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