From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Sat Apr 01 17:26:38 2006 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1FPhzm-00007G-6j; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 17:26:34 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Sat, 01 Apr 2006 17:25:33 +0200 (CEST) Received: from onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net ([207.69.195.60]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1FPhyX-00005p-Fu for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 17:25:17 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.63.108.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.63.108]) by onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1FPhyR-0006dF-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 10:25:12 -0500 Message-ID: <442E9A78.7080302@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2006 09:21:28 -0600 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.7.2) Gecko/20040804 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel April 1, 2006 NEW YORK CITY -- Hoping to capitalize on the burgeoning demand for truth-impaired media, Rupert Murdoch today launched the Fake News Channel (FNC), featuring 100% fake, fabricated, forged, concocted, spurious, ficticious, bogus, false, fraudulent, contrived, faux, invented, phony, and specious reporting. "The popularity of 'The Onion' and Jon Stewart shows that America craves this kind of material, and we're more than happy to oblige," said Murdoch during a press conference filled with people that we're really members of the press. "April Fool's Day isn't just a silly holiday -- at FNC, it's a way of life!" During the non-press conference, Murdoch showed a few clips from the network, including segments on: * Study: Republicans have better sex lives than Democrats * Elvis sightings increased 53% last year * President Bush takes surfing vacation in Hawaii, walks on water * Bill Gates donates kidney to needy child in Botswana * Weather forecast: Snow tonight in Los Angeles, global warming obviously a crock * Hangnail leads to massive protest in France * California falls into Pacific Ocean, rest of country yawns * Patent attorneys vote Microsoft Windows as most innovative creation in history of mankind * Celebrity news: 'Dixie Chicks' start new careers as insurance adjusters In addition to regular news segments and the periodic 'Breaking News Alert! (Not Really)', the channel will also feature scheduled programming, focusing on 'reality' shows that are anything but. The initial lineup features such classics as "Who Wants To Punch A Liberal Hollywood Celebrity?" and "The Twice-Divorced Mother Looking For A Soulmate -- Or Anything With A Pulse". Murdoch concluded, "We're very pleased with our first offerings at FNC, and we hope to become the world leader in truthiness." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Sat Apr 01 19:35:56 2006 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1FPk0u-0006Mz-Pr; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 19:35:52 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Sat, 01 Apr 2006 19:35:15 +0200 (CEST) Received: from onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net ([207.69.195.60]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1FPk01-0006LZ-CE for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 19:34:57 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.180.212.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.180.212]) by onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1FPjzv-0007C1-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sat, 01 Apr 2006 12:34:52 -0500 Message-ID: <442EB998.2030005@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2006 11:34:16 -0600 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.7.2) Gecko/20040804 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Google, Microsoft Agree To Switch Sides Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Google, Microsoft Agree To Switch Sides April 1, 2006 SILLYCON VALLEY -- In a shocking announcement, Microsoft and Google have agreed to switch places, with Google dropping its "Do No Evil" policy and Microsoft embracing a virtuous business model. "It's a perfect solution for both Google and Microsoft," said an industry observer. "Microsoft is being dogged by EU anti-trust officials and Google is being dogged by Wall Street anti-virtue investors. They both need to change their ways immediately or face dire legal and financial consequences." Effective April 1, 2006, Microsoft will adopt the behavior of a "kinder, gentler" company that plays fair with others and doesn't try to bleed its competitors and customers dry. Well, maybe. It's not immediately clear whether this policy change represents a serious paradigm shift or is merely a very crafty public relations ploy. "We know people are going to be skeptical, but we think everybody will be pleasantly surprised," said a Microsoft spokesperson. "We have kicked off Phase I of our Do No Evil 2006 plan, in which management and employees will undergo 'ethics re-adjustment' training to drive all of the ingrained, evil habits out of them. It won't be an easy process, but we have to do something before we get creamed by the legal system." On the other hand, Google, which has quickly fallen out of favor with Wall Street investors that equate "Do No Evil" with "Make No Money", will now embark on a furious program of short-term profit extraction, regardless of cost. Well, maybe. It's not immediately clear whether this policy change represents a serious paradigm shift or is merely a very crafty public relations ploy. "We know people are going to be skeptical, but we think fund managers, industry analysts, investment advisors, and TV talking heads will be pleasantly surprised with our upcoming earnings reports," said a Google spokesperson. "All of our employees have been directed to 'Make More Money or Else!'" Moreover, we also have a large number of new products under development -- such as Google World Domination Beta -- that will add value for our shareholders. It won't be an easy process, but we have to do something before we get creamed by the financial system." Reaction to the news has been mostly negative. "What the heck is Microsoft thinking?" observed one industry observer. "They beat the rap in the U.S., so why are they worried about some pipsqueak regulators in Europe? I'm downgrading their stock from -Buy- to -They've Gone Insane, Dump Now Before It's Too Late-." "Google is killing the golden goose," one market analyst analyzed. "I mean, if people wanted to use a search engine by some bloated, lumbering, evil overlord, they would just use MSN or AOL. Once Google joins the Dark Side, they no longer have a reason to exist!" However, one stock market speculator speculated, "It's about time! Google needs to get with the program. They didn't achieve a market cap of over a googol dollars just because of the cute logo! It's time to pay the piper, and Google better start producing some scratch or else they'll be scratched into oblivion. Evil, greed, and obsessing about short-term earnings are the three qualities that have made this country so great!" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/