From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Jun 10 06:27:45 2005 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1Dgb7M-00078G-29; Fri, 10 Jun 2005 06:27:40 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 10 Jun 2005 06:26:36 +0200 (CEST) Received: from onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net ([207.69.195.60]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1Dgb60-00077X-1O for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 10 Jun 2005 06:26:16 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.123.203.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.123.203] helo=ldd.net) by onempop-canada.atl.sa.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1Dgb5q-0003aO-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 10 Jun 2005 00:26:10 -0400 Message-ID: <42A8FE6C.3080000@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 09 Jun 2005 21:43:56 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Apple + Intel = Microsoft Conspiracy Theory Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, score=0.1 required=5.0 tests=FORGED_RCVD_HELO autolearn=no version=3.0.1 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.1 (2004-10-22) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Apple + Intel = Microsoft Conspiracy Theory June 9, 2005 HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- Shouting "I told you so!" and "The end is near!", staff members of the Humorix Vast Conspiracy Theory Research Division were shocked and appalled by the news that Apple is going to start shacking up with Intel. The "Inpple" development fits perfectly with our Microsoft Conspiracy Theory #36,712,380, the most sinister conspiracy theory ever devised by Humorix that hasn't been discredited within five minutes [1]. Ever since Microsoft invested $250 million in Apple in 1997, the company that wants you to "Think Different" has been thinking more and more along the same old lines as Microsoft. "It's all fitting into place," said Mennon Black, head conspiriologist. "With Apple joining Intel, and Sun laying down arms against Microsoft, the vastly inferior Wintel world has just achieved total world domination. I knew this was going to happen." It should come as no surprise that the unholy alliance of Apple's Reality Distortion Field and Intel's Stupid Four-Bar Jingle Inside will provide a win-win situation for Microsoft. For those brave souls that decide to try Mac OS X-86 Edition, they can always wipe the hard drive and install Windows if they don't like Apple's operating system. Meanwhile, Microsoft can cut costs by getting rid of its "problem customers" that are always pestering tech support with their petty complaints about corrupted registries or spyware programs that distribute child porn. Now these customers will be shunted to Intel-based Macs, but they will still buy plenty of other Microsoft products that will be readily available for X-86. Either way, Microsoft wins. "That is why this conspiracy is so horrible, terrible," said Ere Rashunull, summer intern conspiriologist. "By pulling the strings on Apple, Intel, and Sun, Microsoft has created the perfect climate for maintaining its monopoly but without actually breaking anti-trust laws. After all, Apple will provide plenty of competition -- wink, wink." And what about Linux and open source? "Well, on the plus side, Linux will likely run on the new Apple 86 platform just fine. But it will feel like an '86 vintage machine -- you won't be able to do anything interesting because of the crippleware DRM that will come standard with every new Intel Inside system." Despite the sheer elegance of the conspiracy theory, not everybody believes it. In his current column, Robert X. Cringely Incarnation #57 writes, "There is no conspiracy. Apple still represents a viable competitor to Microsoft. Nothing to see here, move along." Meanwhile, Cringely Incarnation #124 rants, "Those Linux long-haired hippie freaks will seize on any opportunity to bring out yet another long-haired hippie freaky conspiracy theory. Just because improbably events occur doesn't mean that somebody is attempting world conquest. The Red Sox won the World Series. Deep Throat's secret is no longer very deep. Slashdot went a whole day without posting a dupe. These things are not that big a deal." [1] http://humorix.org/articles/2005/03/apple-conspiracy/ -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Wed Jun 29 04:38:57 2005 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DnSTS-0003Qk-Ut; Wed, 29 Jun 2005 04:38:50 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Wed, 29 Jun 2005 04:37:19 +0200 (CEST) Received: from onempop-noble.atl.sa.earthlink.net ([207.69.195.74]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DnSRi-0003Ps-LP for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 29 Jun 2005 04:37:02 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.183.4.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.183.4] helo=ldd.net) by onempop-noble.atl.sa.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1DnSRa-0002Xn-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:36:59 -0400 Message-ID: <42C203B8.3020102@ldd.net> Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2005 21:13:12 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] SCO Unveils Latest Product Upgrade: IBM Lawsuit 4.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix SCO Unveils Latest Product Upgrade: IBM Lawsuit 4.0 June 28, 2005 SOMEWHERE IN UTAH -- The SCO Group, everybody's favorite lawsuit-factory-disguised-as-a-software-vendor, today unveiled version 4.0 of its flagship litigation product, SCO v. IBM. "Our top-of-the-line product now boasts new arguments, new evidence, new discovery demands, and new counter-counter-counter-motions designed to provide additional value to our customers and shareholders," said SCO's Assistant Vice Director Media Relations Specialist Third Class. According to a four-color glossy brochure distributed by SCO, the cornerstone of IBM Lawsuit Amended Complaint 4.0 is the argument that GPL-licensed code should be seized under eminent domain laws to provide greater economic development. "All of this valuable code is being squandered by the draconian anti-corporate, anti-American, pro-pinko-Commie GPL license that the Free Software Foundation has rammed down everybody's throats," says the brochure. "But thanks to the recent decision by the Supreme Court, the tyranny of the GPL can -- and must -- be stopped through the eminent domain process." SCO proposes that all of the open source code held by the FSF, IBM, and Novell should be "liberated" and turned over to SCO. In its Complaint 4.0, SCO argues that "this move will provide huge public benefits by increasing tax revenue, creating jobs, protecting national security, fighting terrorism, and boosting economic development efforts nationwide." In addition, SCO's upgraded litigation product (all 512 pages) includes the following new-and-improved contentions: * The GPL establishes an illegal monopoly * The GPL promotes slavery * Free software represents illegal campaign contributions * Open Source harms the environment * GPL undermines national security and aids terrorists * Open Source development violates child labor laws * The Linux mascot is degrading to penguins SCO's Amended Complaint 4.0 also features an 159-page appendix with research and statistics from the Blartner Group "proving" that Open Source software has deprived the US government of $1.53 billion in tax revenue that would have been generated by sales of equivalent proprietary software. "Every time somebody downloads a GPL package for free, they are circumventing sales tax laws," the appendix states. "Every Linux user is a person that is no longer buying Windows and paying sales taxes. This unpatriotic travesty must stop." A complimentary copy of SCO's latest product was sent to the US Senate Committee For Sucking Up To Corporations, which was unavailable for comment at press time. -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/