From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Apr 01 05:57:38 2005 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHDHq-0004SG-87; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 05:57:34 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 01 Apr 2005 05:56:27 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHD81-0003A0-TQ for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 05:47:26 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.150.151.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.150.151] helo=thecaperock.com) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1DHD7w-0007Mn-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 31 Mar 2005 19:47:21 -0800 Message-ID: <424CB3D1.4050208@thecaperock.com> Date: Thu, 31 Mar 2005 20:37:05 -0600 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Microsoft Issues Warning Against April Fool's Day Jokes Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.9 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_99,RCVD_IN_SORBS_WEB autolearn=no version=3.0.1 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.1 (2004-10-22) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@thecaperock.com Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Microsoft Issues Warning Against April Fool's Day Jokes March 31, 2005 REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In a harshly worded statement, Microsoft today warned that the company would "aggressively defend its trademarks against any unauthorized April Fool's Day jokes, parodies, satires, hoaxes, lampoons, gags, japes, capers, pranks, larks, farces, wisecracks, frolics, mockeries, takeoffs, send ups, humor items, or fake news stories." "We've had it up to here with April Fool's Day," said a Microsoft spokesperson. "This so-called holiday does not give people the right to infringe our intellectual property for humor purposes." According to research by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm), the new policy was personally spearheaded by Bill Gates after he counted 413 different Microsoft hoaxes across the Internet last April 1st. We interviewed the friend of the janitor of the accountant of Bill Gates' secretary, who reported that Gates was overheard saying last year, "I'm the richest man in the world. I'm sick of trying to earn respect, I'm going to enforce respect by court order!" As part of the anti-parody initiative, Microsoft quieted registered trademarks on every conceivable variation of its brand names, including Might-go-soft(R), Microsucks(R), Microhard(R), Microsnot(R), Winblows(R), Windoze(R), Losedows(R), Curtains for Windows(R), Internet Exploiter(R), Internet Exploder(R), Aieeeee!(R), LookOut!(R), AccessDenied(R), Hexcel(R), PoorPoint(R), PowerPunt(R), Microsoft Notwork(R), .NOT(R), Blue Screen of Death(R), Illegal Exception(R), and even Total Cost of 0wn3rship(R). "It's going to be very hard for anybody to write a Microsoft parody without violating one of our new trademarks," said a Microsoft lawyer who relocated to an office in Washington, D.C., just next door to the USPTO. "And the minute somebody tries, they will quickly find themselves staring down the barrel of my 12-page Cease & Desist letter with laser-guided subpoena." Reaction to the new policy has been mostly indifferent. Explained one humorologist at the University of South-Central Rhode Island who is currently researching April Fool's Day meme propagation, "Microsoft jokes are *so* 1999. They peaked just before the anti-trust trial and have since been replaced by parodies of various Hollywood trade associations and their pet Congressmen. As usual, Microsoft is way behind the curve." "While this does pose a serious First Amendment quandry," said one industry observer, "I don't think it will matter. After all, virus writers and spyware creators have done more to humiliate Microsoft than any fake news reporter could ever hope to achieve." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Apr 01 15:52:55 2005 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHMZy-0002U4-64; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 15:52:54 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 01 Apr 2005 15:51:54 +0200 (CEST) Received: from capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.180]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHMYm-0002TT-Ia for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 15:51:40 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.177.20.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.177.20] helo=ldd.net) by capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1DHMYi-0002XV-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 05:51:37 -0800 Message-ID: <424D49C9.70101@ldd.net> Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 07:16:57 -0600 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Slashdot Editors Promise To Actually Edit Stories Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.5 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_99, RCVD_IN_SORBS_WEB autolearn=no version=3.0.1 X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.1 (2004-10-22) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Slashdot Editors Promise To Actually Edit Stories April 1, 2005 HOLLAND, MICHIGAN -- The end is near. After defending wave after wave of criticism from the omnipresent Anonymous Coward, Taco Boy today announced that he and the rest of his staff will actually live up to their titles as "editors." "I've always believed that 'editor' is simply another name for he-who-knows-the-root-password," Taco Boy wrote in his 6:32 AM CST Slashdot post. "Not anymore. I promise that things will start to change around here." "For one thing," he said, "We will actually check the archives before posting stories to weed out duplicates and triplicates. And I've written a 100,000-line Perl script that will automatically spell-check our posts." He added, "We will actually check the archives before posting stories to weed out duplicates and triplicates." The new editorial policy replaces the old Slashdot editorial policy which was indistinguishable from the null set. "In the past, I've only posted stories that were submitted by people with cool nicknames," admitted co-editor CowboyPollOption. "Or posts that included bribes. But now I'm actually going to read the posts for content and merit. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it." It's not immediately clear whether the new policy will also include editing the posts for grammar and clarity. This might be too much to ask. "Regular users have come to expect bad English grammar and even worse Perl Slashcode. It's going to be hard for regular users to make this adjustment... if it happens at all," said one industry observer who claims that he once had Slashdot User Account #68 until he suppposedly "misplaced the password." (Whatever.) The chairman of the Pulitzer Prize award committee was unavailable for comment at press time. [UPDATE: Damn, it looks like this was merely an April Fool's Day joke by the Slashdot staff. We knew this was too good to be true. The staff of Humorix would like to extend our deepest apologies for publishing this fake news. No, wait, scratch that. We would like to apologize for publishing fake news that we thought was real news under the heading of fake news. Or something like that.] -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Sat Apr 02 04:04:06 2005 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHXzX-0003O4-SK; Sat, 02 Apr 2005 04:04:03 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Sat, 02 Apr 2005 04:03:02 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1DHXyE-0003Mm-G5 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sat, 02 Apr 2005 04:02:42 +0200 Received: from dialup-4.244.177.114.dial1.stlouis1.level3.net ([4.244.177.114] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.36 #10) id 1DHXyB-0004Ie-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:02:39 -0800 Message-ID: <424E07EA.5020404@ldd.net> Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 20:48:10 -0600 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Congress Passes Ban On April Fool's Day Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.5 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_99, RCVD_IN_SORBS_WEB autolearn=no version=3.0.1 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.1 (2004-10-22) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: * X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Congress Passes Ban On April Fool's Day April 1, 2005 WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CLUELESSNESS -- The Senate voted today in favor of the Increasing American Productivity To Help The Children Act (HB398069), which will criminalize the "plotting and/or execution of pranks, hoaxes, and other humor-related activities on the first of April." The sponsor of the bill, Sen. Fattecat (R-Microsoft's Back Pocket), hopes that the measure will put an end to the "horrible waste of resources" that result from ill-conceived April Fool's Day jokes. During testimony last week in front of the Senate Committee For Sucking Up To Large Corporations, Bill Gates argued that "April Fool's Day jokes cost the American economy over $1.2 billion in lost productivity each year." "Besides," he added, "These jokes make me look bad, and I hate that." Representatives from the MPAA, RIAA, BSA, IPHAA, and various other enemy groups also spoke in favor of the bill. Said one vulture from the IPHAA, "The constant barrage of parodies against our esteemed organizations is simply sickening. The Founding Fathers would be appalled that their concept of 'free speech' was being perverted in this way. It's time to put a stop to the madness." The Internal Revenue Service also championed the bill. "Every April 1st, millions of people send bogus tax returns, costing millions of dollars to sort through and reject. These frivolous returns would no longer pose a problem if April 1st was banned and these criminal pranksters put behind bars." [Editor's Note: Why would anybody need to file a frivolous return? We all know Form 1040 is the biggest joke in Western civilization.] After the Senate passed the bill, it was quickly discovered that the study Bill Gates cited about "$1.2 billion in lost productivity" was actually an April Fool's Day spoof that had propagated out of control. However, the Senate refused to reconsider its vote. "We don't make mistakes. And we certainly don't admit mistakes," said Sen. Mia Shill (D-Hollywood's Back Pocket). "If we admitted a mistake, that could seriously compromise national security and harm the children." Microsoft stock (Nasdaq: MSFT) rose 1.5% in response to the news, until investors discovered that the story was exclusively posted to an obscure website with the word "humor" in the domain name and was therefore... just as trustworthy as Forbes. The stock then climbed another 3.5% in late trading. Eric Smith contributed to this report. -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/