From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Wed Oct 20 03:39:06 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CK5Az-0004yM-Qo; Wed, 20 Oct 2004 03:22:05 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Wed, 20 Oct 2004 03:12:55 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CK51v-0004wn-1Q for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 20 Oct 2004 03:12:43 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-016neomahp0330.dialsprint.net ([63.190.97.76] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1CK51L-0003Te-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Tue, 19 Oct 2004 18:12:09 -0700 Message-ID: <41748ABE.8020401@ldd.net> Date: Mon, 18 Oct 2004 22:32:14 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Plain Text Vulnerability Found In Linux; Microsoft Celebrates Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-4.1 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_00, DATE_IN_PAST_12_24,RCVD_IN_NJABL,RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.63 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.63 (2004-01-11) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Plain Text Vulnerability Found In Linux; Microsoft Celebrates October 18, 2004 REDMOND, WA -- After years of fighting security hole after security hole in its software, Microsoft finally had reason to celebrate this week. Research by Microsoft's Embrace and Extend Development Labs discovered a "cataclysmic" security breach that impacts almost every Linux distribution. "I can't believe any major business would base their future on an amateurish operating system containing such a serious exploit," said a Microsoft employee while opening a bottle of champaigne to celebrate. "This is best news we've had all month... and I bet this is only the tip of the iceberg for Linux insecurity." When pressed for details about this supposed exploit, a Microsoft spokesdroid was somewhat evasive. However, he finally relented and explained, "Under certain circumstances, if a Linux system encounters the hexadecimal ASCII string, '72 6D 20 2D 72 66 20 2F', then the kernel will attempt to delete every file from the hard drive... This behavior is unacceptable for a modern operating system and it is, I must add, something that does not affect any version of Windows." After word of the discovery spread throughout the Microsoft campus, many employees started celebrating, with large quantities of adult beverages consumed. "Party time! Party time! We all knew Linux sucked, now we can prove it!" shouted one IIS developer after spraying his co-workers with bubbly. As a result of the partying and resulting hangovers, work on Longhorn (also known internally as Windows MT) was pushed back for several days, putting the tentative release date at Q3 2008. "But this has been well worth it," said one project manager. "We needed something to celebrate. It's not every day you can find a way to cut off your competitor's air supply. This is the perfect ammunition for convincing Congress to outlaw open source software." Research by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) indicates that Microsoft plans to unveil more Linux "exploits" in the coming weeks. "One employee just stumbled across a real doozy... During some situations, Linux is vulnerable to the plain text exploit, '6D 76 20 2F 73 62 69 6E 2F 69 6E 69 74 20 2F 73 62 69 6E 2F 62 69 6C 6C 72 75 6C 65 73', which can prevent the system from successfully rebooting," said an anonymous mole. The SCO Group was quick to pounce on the news. Said one scofflaw, "This same problem affects SCO Unix, which just proves beyond any reasonable doubt that Linux contains our stolen code. Somebody needs to go to jail!" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu Oct 21 05:39:17 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CKTmp-0002M6-W6; Thu, 21 Oct 2004 05:38:48 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 21 Oct 2004 05:30:30 +0200 (CEST) Received: from capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.180]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CKTeX-0002L3-PE for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 21 Oct 2004 05:30:13 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-015neomahp0219.dialsprint.net ([63.190.80.219] helo=ldd.net) by capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1CKTeN-00012x-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 20 Oct 2004 20:30:04 -0700 Message-ID: <417709A4.8040903@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 19:58:12 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Linux Makes It Easier To Outsource, Says Microsoft Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-1.1 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_44,NO_COST, RCVD_IN_NJABL,RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.63 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.63 (2004-01-11) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Linux Makes It Easier To Outsource, Says Microsoft October 20, 2004 WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CLUELESSNESS -- In testimony before a hearing of the US Senate Committee On Sucking Up To Large Corporations, a Microsoft executive claimed that Linux and Unix-like systems make it easier to telecommute, ultimately leading to an increase in offshore outsourcing. "What's good for Linux is bad for the American economy," said the company's Minister of Information. "This operating system, originally developed by European code-fascists, must be stopped..." According to Microsoft, all of the flaws of Windows were intentionally designed to increase American job security. "Linux servers require far less babysitting than Windows machines, which makes it much easier to outsource system administration jobs to India. But since Windows requires constant physical supervision to prevent crashes, virus infections, spyware installations, and other problems, it demands much more manpower and is far less conducive to outsourcing. This spurs US job growth and increases tax revenue..." The Microserf cited a recent survey by the Blartner Group which shows that "over 100,000 jobs have been lost in the United States because of Linux and open source software, costing the federal government precious income tax revenue that could be used to to feed nearly 63,500 disadvantaged children..." "It is imperative that this movement by long-haired, liberal, anti-American pro-Marxist, tree-hugging Satan-worshippers be squelched. We propose that the Federal government reform copyright laws to prohibit any copyright holder from licensing software at no charge. People should not have a right to give stuff away as part of a fiendish plot to undermine the US economy and starve innocent children." While the committee did not act on Microsoft's recommendation, the senators did seem moved by the testimony. "Those damn Eurocrats are at it again," said Sen. Fattecat (R-Washington). "And I don't have the statistics in front of me, but I'm sure 9 out of 10 terrorists prefer open sores software." Sen. Ny Evefool (D-Florida) agreed, saying, "Think of all of the computer people that would become unemployed because of the increased efficiency brought about by Loonix... Leenix... whatever. This is just not fair. We need these jobs in order not to run off the 21st Century Information Superhighway and slam into a cybercliff... and won't somebody please think of the children?" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Oct 29 05:18:10 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CNNDF-000095-BM; Fri, 29 Oct 2004 05:14:01 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 29 Oct 2004 05:10:35 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CNN9B-00006e-Bv for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 29 Oct 2004 05:09:49 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-012neomahp1013.dialsprint.net ([63.189.51.251] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1CNN94-0000xe-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 28 Oct 2004 20:09:43 -0700 Message-ID: <4181B258.9040005@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 28 Oct 2004 22:00:40 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] SCO Drinking Game Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-1.8 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_44,RCVD_IN_NJABL, RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.63 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.63 (2004-01-11) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix SCO Drinking Game October 28, 2004 We're only days away from the much-anticipated launch of Prosco.net (Propaganda Reporting Organ for Sinister Corporate Officials), and the folks at Humorix World Headquarters simply can't wait another minute. In order to pass the time -- and fill up space left vacant by a severe outbreak of writers' block -- we have compiled a drinking game to accompany SCO's upcoming reading material. Rest assured, the Humorix staff has already fully beta-tested this game. TAKE ONE SIP OF YOUR FAVORITE ADULT BEVERAGE IF A PAGE ON THE PROSCO.NET SITE CLAIMS THAT... ...The obvious reason IBM refuses to comply with SCO's reasonable discovery requests is that IBM has something sinister to hide. ...SCO is actually very pro-open source and wishes it could help the community, but is unfortunately prevented from doing so by this pesky litigation business prompted by the evil IBM. ...Nine out of ten (terrorists|child molesters|serial killers|international spies) prefer Linux. ...The sheer interest in SCO's websites proves that most people are hungry for a balanced alternative to Groklaw. ...If SCO could get its message out through the fog of pro-Linux FUD, then most reasonable people would immediately jump at the chance to support their noble cause against the unscrupulous IBM monopoly. ...SCO is losing the Daimler-Chrysler case because of obscure legal technicalities, not because of infirmities in its case. Justice will prevail. ...IBM is using every dirty trick invented by lawyers to prevent this case from going to a jury. They are only interested in doing everything possible to get away with their (illegal code theft|contract violations|libelous statements) and to (obstruct justice|ruin the economy|crush small business|hurt the children). ...SCO has worked for over a quarter of a century to build its business one client at a time, and then all of sudden IBM swoops in and steals valuable intellectual property, slaps a Big Blue logo on it, and distributes it for free. ...Company officials and other members of the SCO family have been forced to purchase guns and undergo expensive self-defense classes to protect them from the juvenile death threats by members of the Linux mafia. ...The legal staff has compiled and turned in a massive mountain of evidence, but IBM refuses to even acknowledge that SCO has a case. ...Time and time again industry experts and observers have flocked to SCO's side, but the mindless lemmings of the open source world continue to put their hands over their ears and shout "I'm not listening!" Eventually, however, the truth will finally set them free. ...Contrary to the assertions by the clueless self-proclaimed experts on Groklaw, real industry experts hired by SCO have been able to pinpoint the precise lines of code in the Linux kernel -- 532,599 of them, to be exact -- that violate SCO's registered copyrights. ...Nobody ever got fired for choosing SCO. ...With over two million SCO Unix servers installed worldwide, the company obviously knows what it's doing. ...AutoZone's continued illegal use of Linux is costing SCO millions because it provides a role model to other companies that they can continue to get away with piracy. ...Many Linux users have quietly told SCO that they are worried about the increasing mental instability of open-source leaders and wish that this whole mess could be quickly and peacefully ended with a reasonable court settlement. ...SCO is prepared to do everything possible to prevent IBM from initiating a hostile takeover that would end the lawsuits and allow IBM to continue its plundering activities against other companies. ...One of SCO's goals during the trial is to pierce the corporate veil of IBM and find out exactly how the company has been able to conspire with Groklaw to publish so much propaganda. ...As a Utah company in a heavily devout Mormon area, SCO is working to uphold the principles of fairness, morality, and justice. ...While some people have criticized SCO for stalling during the case, the company needs the extra time to wade through all of the irrelevant junk in IBM's long-winded, content-free court filings. ...Very few Linux users are actually maliciously angry at SCO, but they get drowned out by the vocal few who simply refuse to accept the fact that their operating system is a sham that was crufted together from pieces of code stolen from companies like SCO that invested millions of dollars to develop them. ...Every first year law student knows that contracts are binding and cannot be broken, no matter how much IBM tries to weasel out of them. ...If Linux is developed primarily by hobbyists, how come so many enterprise-level features were added? Real hobbyists would not be concerned about such things, which is bulletproof evidence that Linux is filled with stolen code. TAKE A LARGER DRINK IF A PROSCO.NET STORY CLAIMS THAT... ...Reports of SCOsource's demise have been greatly exaggerated. The company's accounting department simply cannot keep up with cashing all of the checks from clients who have voluntarily come forward to wash the blood from their hands and come clean about their use of stolen software. ...It is a documented fact that the moderators of Groklaw delete posts and engage in censorship because they are so insecure about their position. ...If SCO honestly thought another company like Novell still held the copyrights to Unix, they never would have invested so much time and energy in this case. ...SCO is not a litigation firm; it has always been in the Unix business. After all, the company owns the rights to Unix, so why shouldn't they market it aggressively? ...Linux distributions are violating the Sherman Anti-Trust Act by bundling gigabytes of free software that undermines the ability of competitors to make money developing their own proprietary Linux applications. ...SCO's Unix software would be the most advanced operating system on the planet if it wasn't for the unfair interference by Linux and IBM. ...Giving away software is a dangerous activity that will ultimately destroy the economy. ...SCO's top-notch development staff has released more products in the last year than at any time in the company's long and storied history. The ongoing litigation is merely a minor distraction for the core business of delivering value-added, paradigm-enhanced, mission-critical Unix systems for Intel hardware. DRAIN THE REST OF YOUR GLASS AND THEN SOME IF PROSCO.NET CLAIMS THAT... ...The GNU GPL is clearly illegal because it violates the 57th Amendment of the US Constitution. ...Dozens of Congressmen have expressed support for SCO's interpretation of copyright law. ...Linux is the biggest joke in the history of computerdom; no sensible person can seriously believe that this unlicensed Unix rip-off imposter will succeed. ...SCO is backed by a thriving community that represents a silent majority that is immune to open-source groupthink. ...Linus Torvalds might seem like a nice fellow, but he is merely a figurehead for a 21st Century organized crime outfit that forces people at virtual gunpoint to sign a license agreement requiring them to forfeit all of their intellectual property rights. -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/