From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Wed Sep 08 03:23:04 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1C4r6A-0005xz-Ue; Wed, 08 Sep 2004 03:18:11 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Wed, 08 Sep 2004 03:18:03 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.179]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1C4r5o-0005x9-Ra for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 08 Sep 2004 03:17:49 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-016neomahp0449.dialsprint.net ([63.190.97.195] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1C4r5j-0007nE-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Tue, 07 Sep 2004 18:17:44 -0700 Message-ID: <413E59A1.3030504@ldd.net> Date: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 20:00:17 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] ISP Offers Slashdot Effect Insurance Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-4.2 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_00,RCVD_IN_NJABL, RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.63 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.63 (2004-01-11) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix ISP Offers Slashdot Effect Insurance September 7, 2004 Desperate for a promotional gimmick, the founder of eOnlineCheapLinuxHostingWorld.com has decided to offer low-cost "Slashdot Effect Insurance" to all customers. For an extra US$1 per month, customers will not be liable for sudden surges in traffic, even if they shatter their bandwidth quota. "The Slashdot Effect is one of the most pressing issues facing webmasters today," said Eric Fivalak. "You never know when it's going to strike, and you never know how much money you will have to fork over in bandwidth charges. But we've found a way to eliminate this hideous demon." As part of the insurance plan, the company will also maintain a standalone backup server that will only kick in during a Category 2 or worse Slashdot Effect. If a strike is detected, the victim's site will be offloaded to the server, ensuring that all other sites hosted by the company will be unaffected by the onslaught. "The last time Taco Boy decided to link to a customer's site, one of our webservers had a load average of around 10000.0. With the extra server, that shouldn't happen again..." However, Fivalak admitted, "We've never actually experienced a Category 5 Slashdot Effect [on the Malda-Bates Scale], so all bets are off in such a scenario..." --- THE MALDA-BATES SLASHDOT EFFECT INTENSITY SCALE Category 0: Neglible impact (1-1,000 unique visitors per day from Slashdot) - Usually the result of a minor link embedded in a comment posted in response to a story - Rarely detected unless the webmaster carefully studies the server logs and says, "Now isn't this interesting..." Category 1: Noticeable but minor impact (1,001-5,000) - Often caused by an indirect link from another site pummeled with a Category 3+ attack - Little impact on performance, but may cause sites with certain ISPs to approach their bandwidth quota Category 2: Strong impact (5,001-20,000) - Direct link from a story not on the Slashdot front page - IIS webservers begin to struggle - Slight chance of bandwidth overages Category 3: Severe impact (20,001-75,000) - Direct link from a regular Slashdot story - 40% chance of failure of IIS servers; 3% chance of failure of dynamic sites with poorly implemented PHP scripts - Moderate probability of exceeding bandwidth quotas with many ISPs Category 4: Disastrous impact (75,000-200,000) - Direct links from two or more duplicated Slashdot stories within the same day - 99% chance of IIS failures - 2% chance of hardware failures (CPUs overheating and melting, hard drives crashing) - Good chance of saturating a T1 line - You don't even want to think about bandwidth usage Category 5: Cataclysmic impact (200,001+) - Direct link from a controversial story that is then duplicated on Slashdot at the same time that hundreds of thousands of blog sites discuss it - T1 lines obliterated; T3 lines not much better - 10% chance of hardware meltdowns - Total bandwidth usage measured in terabytes (at best) or petabytes (at worst) -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu Sep 23 05:11:37 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CAJgj-0007fV-Eo; Thu, 23 Sep 2004 04:50:29 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 23 Sep 2004 04:41:16 +0200 (CEST) Received: from capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.180]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1CAJXT-0007dV-6a for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 23 Sep 2004 04:40:55 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-016neomahp0819.dialsprint.net ([63.190.99.57] helo=ldd.net) by capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1CAJXJ-0005Ep-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 22 Sep 2004 19:40:45 -0700 Message-ID: <41522F1E.7050503@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 21:04:14 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] SCO Still Has Programmers On Its Payroll! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-4.4 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_00,RCVD_IN_NJABL, RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.63 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.63 (2004-01-11) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix SCO Still Has Programmers On Its Payroll! September 22, 2004 SOMEWHERE IN UTAH -- In a shocking revelation, The SCO Group announced today that, contrary to conventional wisdom, the company still maintains a "thriving" software development division. "Despite what you might hear on that IBM shill site [Groklaw], we have not shifted all of our workers over to the Legal and Public Relations departments," explained a spokesperson today. "Instead, we have retained two skilled programmers who are currently developing a new fair and balanced video game for SCO Unix that will allow players to step into our shoes and see things from our point of view." The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) has been able to obtain an alpha version of this game, code-named "David vs. Goliath." Since it requires SCO Unix, we had no choice but to obtain a copy from SCO (with bonus Linux license!) and run it under strict quarantine at our Remote Testing Facility in the Nevada desert to prevent any of our clean Linux machines from coming into contact with it. After playing the game, it's obvious that "David vs. Goliath" is strictly a publicity gimmick. The objective is to lead the Small, Commendable Operation against the International Brotherhood of Malevolence in a lawsuit in which the pure, innocent SCO has been wronged at the hands of a monopolistic, evil IBM. As the CEO, the player must hire lawyers, issue press releases, write letters to Congressmen, pull strings with friends and family in positions of power, care for a dwindling bank account, hold conference calls, ward off angry shareholders, and manage other tasks necessary to bring a successful end to the lawsuit while staying out of bankruptcy (and, we might add, jail). The odds are stacked against you. Those Nazgul at IBM keep stalling in the hopes that you will burn through your cash reserves. They refuse to turn over the evidence that you need to pursue your case. They employ hundreds of lawyers who do nothing but write convoluted legal documents that sound good but distort the truth. They espouse an interpretation of copyright law that allows them to get away with murder. They conspire to create an astroturf campaign against you. I must admit that I lost the game all three times I reluctantly played it. But of course, I didn't try very hard to win. During simulated oral arguments, I directed one of my lawyers to fall asleep in the middle of the hearing. The judge dismissed the case and the game ended with a score of 0 out of 1000. On the plus side, the game -- even this alpha version -- features realistic, raytraced 3D graphics and a very sophisticated user interface that allows you to type commands like, "Hire MIT experts to perform code analysis proving that IBM is a thief" and "Contact friendly reporter at PHB Magazine and feed her a line about how we have a secret weapon we will deploy at the next court hearing." When asked for comment, one of the 952 members of SCO's PR department said, "Those bastards at Groklaw won't give us equal time, so we have to resort to telling our story through this new video game. We can only hope that people will open their eyes to the truth and realize that IBM is the evildoer, not us. We're just trying to preserve our hard-earned intellectual property so we can feed our children." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/