From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue May 04 04:00:49 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BKpDK-00026G-96; Tue, 04 May 2004 03:59:18 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 04 May 2004 03:59:10 +0200 (CEST) Received: from capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.180]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BKpCG-00023o-Lc for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Tue, 04 May 2004 03:58:12 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-016neomahp0361.dialsprint.net ([63.190.97.107] helo=ldd.net) by capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BKpCC-0001Jo-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Mon, 03 May 2004 18:58:08 -0700 Message-ID: <4090565D.5050204@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 28 Apr 2004 20:11:57 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Unisys sues Forgent over patent infringement Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.5 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_30,DATE_IN_PAST_96_XX,RCVD_IN_NJABL, USER_AGENT_MOZILLA_UA version=2.55 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.55 (1.174.2.19-2003-05-19-exp) X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Unisys sues Forgent over patent infringement Jeremy Stanley, jstanley [at] xmission [dot] com April 28, 2004 Patent-wielding parasite Forgent Networks, which made headlines recently through its numerous patent lawsuits over JPEG technology, got a taste of its own medicine today when Unisys filed a patent infringement lawsuit of its own against Forgent. Specifically, Forgent is accused of infringing US Patent #3,141,592,653,589,793, "Method For Levying a Tax on the Industry By Applying a Crusty Old Patent to What Was For Years an Open Standard But Never Would Have Become So Had It Been Encumbered By Patents In The First Place." "Forgent clearly saw what we did to the GIF format and decided to play 'me too', in utter disregard for our own intellectual property," said Unisys spokesman Rob R. Baron. "They want everything to be free and let's all be friends. But fortunately, this is not the American way." Unisys's lawsuit demands five billion dollars in damages, plus 5% of the royalties Forgent earns through Unisys's patented business model. Forgent remains defiant. "Unisys's claims are baseless, and we will vigorously defend ourselves in court," said company spokesman Parris Site. He added, "It's a shame that companies like Unisys will abuse the patent system in order to line their own pocketbooks with short-term profits while totally disregarding the damage it does to the industry. Fortunately for us, though, Unisys has JPEGs on its web site." When asked whether other companies are on its corporate radar, Unisys replied, "There will be a day of reckoning for Rambus and SBC when this is all over. But right now we're focusing on the Forgent situation." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue May 04 04:00:54 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BKpDR-00026b-02; Tue, 04 May 2004 03:59:25 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 04 May 2004 03:59:16 +0200 (CEST) Received: from capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.180]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BKpCI-000246-9h for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Tue, 04 May 2004 03:58:14 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-016neomahp0361.dialsprint.net ([63.190.97.107] helo=ldd.net) by capitol.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BKpCG-0001KG-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Mon, 03 May 2004 18:58:12 -0700 Message-ID: <4096EF9D.30300@ldd.net> Date: Mon, 03 May 2004 20:19:25 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] New Bug-Infested Distro Eases Transition From Windows To Linux Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.2 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_30,RCVD_IN_NJABL,USER_AGENT_MOZILLA_UA version=2.55 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.55 (1.174.2.19-2003-05-19-exp) X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix New Bug-Infested Distro Eases Transition From Windows To Linux In what promoters are calling a "Linux distribution built for managers by managers", a new company called Pee-aitch-bee Enterprises has unveiled "Notdows", a distro designed to "ease the transition from Windows to Linux in every way possible." A key component of Notdows is the killrandom daemon process, which randomly kills running processes, faithfully simulating the Windows experience. Over time, however, killrandom will operate less frequently, allowing the user to smoothly transition to a stable operating system. "Ordinary distros built by geeks are designed to be as stable as possible," said a Pee-aitch-bee developer/manager. "This does not work well for some naive ex-Windows users, who become disoriented and lost in such a foreign environment. While recent versions of Windows are more stable than predecessors, the difference between Windows and Linux can still be quite jarring. We hope to ween these users away from Windows' flakiness without causing unnecessary emotional duress." The development process for Notdows is markedly different from most open source projects. "We want our system to have an optimum number of bugs to closely match Windows. Our developers are rewarded for reaching a target of 1 bug per 1,000 lines of code. In some cases bugs must be intentionally added in order to achieve this objective. Our development platform, code-named Reverse Bugzilla, makes this possible." In some cases, however, Notdows has developed nasty bugs that cancelled out other bugs. "We discovered that killrandom 1.2.23 had an ugly flaw that allowed the program to kill itself, immediately causing the system to run at maximum stability. It took awhile to diagnose the problem, but we knew something was fishy when one of our development machines reached an uptime of 61 days -- the average for a fresh Notdows installation is 3 days between reboots." The Notdows developers do take security seriously, however. "We like bugs, but not security holes," the developer said. "The last thing we want is for crackers to trash somebody's system, providing an opportunity for the user to wipe their hard drive and decide to go back to Windows. However, for peace of mind, we do include a dummy anti-virus program that pretends to scan files but otherwise does nothing except make grinding sounds on the hard drive." In another nod to Windows, the standard Notdows system costs an obscenely large amount of money. "While we do make the whole thing available for free from our FTP site, we really don't want our target audience to know that. They believe that 'more expensive' is always synonymous with 'more quality'. What they don't know about anonymous FTP isn't going to hurt them..." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri May 07 03:43:08 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BLuN5-0003jS-1f; Fri, 07 May 2004 03:41:51 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 07 May 2004 03:41:44 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.179]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BLuMJ-0003hS-Jn for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 07 May 2004 03:41:03 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-015neomahp0269.dialsprint.net ([63.190.81.15] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BLuME-0002Zv-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 06 May 2004 18:40:58 -0700 Message-ID: <409AD58D.40209@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 06 May 2004 19:17:17 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Microsoft Unveils "Perfect" Anti-Spam System Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=1.1 required=5.0 tests=AWL,BAYES_30,PENIS_ENLARGE2,RCVD_IN_NJABL, USER_AGENT_MOZILLA_UA version=2.55 X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.55 (1.174.2.19-2003-05-19-exp) X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Microsoft Unveils "Perfect" Anti-Spam System May 6, 2004 REDMOND, WA -- If you thought Clippit the Dancing Paperclip was annoying in previous versions of Office, just wait until it reaches the desktop of Windows MT (Microsoft Technology), formerly code-named "Longhorn". As part of a new initiative to eliminate spam from email, Microsoft will instead deliver spam messages directly to the desktop using Clippit as a spokessprite. "Spammers will no longer need to resort to using email, a horrible medium for delivering advertising. Now they can send their messages directly to the user's screen with Windows MT," explained a Microsoft brochure. Microsoft demonstrated the new patent-pending system last week at AssimilCon '04 in Redmond ("The Premier Convention For Members of the Microsoft Collective"). During one demo, the presenter logged in to his online banking site with Internet Explorer and then Clippit appeared and said, "I see your bank account is running low. Would you like to apply for a low-interest loan from FlyByNightLoans2004.com?" The Microserf giving the demo boasted, "As you can see, this is a much more targeted, user-friendly advertising experience than ordinary spam email. Once spammers can pitch their valuable services to users from within Windows, they will no longer need to send out any unsolicited email. Won't it be nice to have an uncluttered email inbox? That's what Microsoft will achieve." The presenter added, "Thanks to all of the ad revenue that we will generate from this program, Microsoft will be able to offer Windows MT Home Edition for the unbelievable low price of only $199.95, a 50% savings. Of course, the license agreement will prohibit the user from tampering or disabling Clippit in any way, but that's a small price to pay for innovation." During another demo limited to attendees over the age of 18, the presenter started to pull up a porn website when Clippit danced on the screen and said, "I see you are typing with one hand. Would like to have your penis enlarged?" The presenter tried to make a joke by saying, "No, I work for Microsoft but I'm not micro soft" (even most of the Microsoft groupies in the audience thought this joke was lame). Next Clippit asked, "Well, would you be interested in purchasing V1agr5 without a prescription?" Microsoft has already inked deals with several big-name spammers to sell desktop advertising. Said one industry pundit, "Some of these companies are disreputable now, but I predict their partnership with the world's greatest software innovator will bolster their reputation and earn goodwill from users who will no longer wear out the DELETE keys on their keyboards from deleting so much junk email." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Sun May 16 21:55:34 2004 Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BPRht-0006k4-Ij; Sun, 16 May 2004 21:53:57 +0200 Received: with ECARTIS (v1.0.0; list humorix); Sun, 16 May 2004 21:53:48 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1BPRgk-0006hT-I7 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sun, 16 May 2004 21:52:46 +0200 Received: from sdn-ap-019neomahp0093.dialsprint.net ([63.191.96.93] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BPRgg-0003de-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Sun, 16 May 2004 12:52:43 -0700 Message-ID: <40A786F5.50107@ldd.net> Date: Sun, 16 May 2004 10:21:25 -0500 From: James Baughn User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20031015 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@mail.nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] The Horrible, Terrible Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.2 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_30,DATE_IN_PAST_03_06,RCVD_IN_NJABL, USER_AGENT_MOZILLA_UA version=2.55 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.55 (1.174.2.19-2003-05-19-exp) X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-ecartis-version: Ecartis v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Ecartis version 1.0.0 List-Id: X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix The Horrible, Terrible Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy May 16, 2004 In a shocking discovery, the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) has learned that the US government has been operating a secret radar system for the last decade capable of tracking individual crackpots wearing tinfoil hats. "Tinfoil hats produce a very distinct signature when probed by Doppler weather radar," said the researcher who developed the system. "By tracking these returns over time, we can compile an extensive geospatial database of the movements and activities of conspiracy theorists across the country." The developer of the system contacted the Vast Spy Network anonymously by sending encrypted RFC 1149 packets. He decided to reveal the secret after hearing about this year's annual Connecticut Conspiracy Convention (ConnConCon), attended by several thousand crackpots, many sporting metallic headwear. "My guilty conscience prompted me to do something to help those poor bastards, who stubbornly believe that a lousy piece of foil can protect them from the government," he said. "But the whole idea behind tinfoil hats was actually planted by the government to make it easier to track these people." The CIA, FBI, NSA, DOJ, TSA, and various other three-letter government "security" agencies all have a vested interest in controlling the burgeoning popularity of conspiracy theories. "Right now it's fashionable to be a crackpot," said Mennon Black, the chief of Humorix's Vast Conspiracy Theory Research Division(tm). "This could pose a severe threat to you-know-who, especially if the public learns about the government's involvement with the saucer people and reverse vampires. But with the tinfoil tracking system, any conspiracy theorist who tries to divulge the truth will suddenly have a terrible accident involving 300 pounds of sulphuric acid." More importantly, however, the tinfoil data can be correlated with other anti-privacy databases to produce an accurate computer simulation showing how various conspiracy theories spread. "Does anybody really believe that the government is funding multi-million dollar supercomputers to similate the weather? Oh, please," explained one leading Vast Spy Network crackpot who protects himself from mind-control rays by living 24/7 in a Faraday cage. "The real mission is to study meme propogation, so that the government can subvert the process and spread bogus conspiracy theories that will lead people away from the sinister truth." Not everybody is buying the tinfoil conspiracy, however. The organizer of the Connecticut Conspiracy Convention said, "This whole thing was obviously planted by a government agent to fool people into thinking that tinfoil hats are bad. Obviously, the government wants people to stop wearing these devices, which will allow mind-control rays to work more effectively. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you with a meta-meta-conspiracy." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/