From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu Jan 22 03:48:15 2004 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt.) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1AjUkE-00045Z-4O; Thu, 22 Jan 2004 03:38:58 +0100 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 22 Jan 2004 03:38:53 +0100 (CET) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1AjUk1-0003o8-Qp for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 22 Jan 2004 03:38:45 +0100 Received: from sdn-ap-002neomahp0337.dialsprint.net ([63.186.9.83] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1AjUib-0006oZ-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Wed, 21 Jan 2004 18:37:18 -0800 Message-ID: <400F3575.3000906@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2004 20:29:09 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i586; en-US; rv:1.3) Gecko/20030314 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Massive Trademark Dilution Strikes SCO Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: humbolt: domain of jbaughn@ldd.net does not designate permitted sender hosts X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.60-spambr_20030926 (1.212-2003-09-23-exp) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.2 required=5.0 tests=RCVD_IN_NJABL,RCVD_IN_SORBS autolearn=no version=2.60-spambr_20030926 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Massive Trademark Dilution Strikes SCO sco, n. -- 1. Litigious bastard, 2. Universally despised person, company, or institution attempting to unfairly profit from the efforts of others. By popular demand, this definition for the word "sco" will be included in the next edition of Bewster's Dictionary, according to a press release issued today by the publisher. This latest dictionary addition joins the growing ranks of diluted trademarks that have entered mainstream usage, fueled in part by various blogs, Usenet groups, and low-budget humor websites desperate for something to write about. "The rate of adoption of the noun 'sco' has been truly breathtaking," said Dr. Buzz Verd, expert in meme propogation paradigms. "This could be some kind of a record for trademark dilution." SCO (the company) denounced sco (the noun) in a statement issued minutes ago, saying, "The Canopy Group was properly married to Caldera when the current incarnation of SCO was born, and so we are most definitely not a 'bastard'." The head SCO sco also said in an email to investors, "If anybody is unfairly profiting from the efforts of others, it is Linux. This Communistic infection threatens to undo all of the hard work of every corporate executive striving to achieve the dream of Adam Smith. We have sacrified untold amounts of blood, sweat, and country club fees while working to create a Capitalistic utopia where intellectual property is considered more sacred than God..." SCO's executives have not decided whether to pursue legal action against the publishers of Bewster's Dictionary because, well, their lawyers are still on Christmas vacation and haven't been responding to SCO's phone calls or the court's written orders to produce discovery evidence. While the publisher of Bewster's has refused to comment on what other words the dictionary might consider including in future editions, research by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) suggests that the following diluted trademarks are ripe candidates: uneesys, v. -- To suddenly demand large patent royalties from unsuspecting users of duh-obvious technology that has been widely deployed. riaa, v. -- 1. To cling tightly to an obviously outmoded business model, 2. To openly declare war against your own customers belltelco, v. -- 1. To cling tightly to an obviously outmoded business model, 2. To openly screw over your customers with low-quality, high-priced communications services that could be obtained for much less in almost every other civilized nation. envidiya, v. -- A product distributed without any technical documentation or blueprints, rendering it virtually useless in all applications except one specifically approved by the company. Example: "I got a good deal on my car, until I realized it was an envidiya, with the hood was welded shut and tires only compatible with a particular brand of asphalt. fritzholl, n. - 1. Universally despised lawmaker, except by the voters in his home district that inexplicably keep electing him. macroflash, n. - Software framework that enables developers to deliver shiny things without the need to produce any real content googull, n. - Search engine results so filled with sleazy commercialism that they resemble a gooey substance indistinguishable from crap jashcroft, v. - To advocate restrictions on freedom in order to protect freedom ayohell, n. - State of pure torture experienced by geeks spending the night at a relative's house which only has a dial-up connection through a propriety online service provider uspito, n. - Government bureaucrat lacking the time and expertise to bother reviewing paperwork, such as patent applications Example: "I thought I had wasted my time reinventing the wheel, but a kindly uspito granted my patent application anyway, and now I'm going to be rich!" Alanus ralskyus, n. - Recently adopted scientific name for a species of parasites commonly known as leeches verisinus, n. - Serious headache, often experienced by geeks strugging to deal with the launch of yet another new "feature" that blatantly violates Internet standards humorix, v. - To write a fake news article filled with carefully crafted meta-humor that sounds funny but is composed entirely of recycled jokes that weren't very good the first time -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Jan 30 03:53:47 2004 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([127.0.0.1] helo=humbolt.) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1AmOgd-0007ci-LE; Fri, 30 Jan 2004 03:47:15 +0100 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 30 Jan 2004 03:45:38 +0100 (CET) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([207.217.120.181]) by humbolt.nl.linux.org with esmtp (Exim 4.22) id 1AmOeY-0007OI-Hd for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Fri, 30 Jan 2004 03:45:06 +0100 Received: from sdn-ap-010neomahp0189.dialsprint.net ([63.189.32.189] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1AmOcu-0003a5-00 for humorix@mail.nl.linux.org; Thu, 29 Jan 2004 18:43:25 -0800 Message-ID: <4019C51A.800@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2004 20:44:42 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i586; en-US; rv:1.3) Gecko/20030314 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] TV Network Gives Out Free PVRs! (Some Strings Attached) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Received-SPF: X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.60-spambr_20030926 (1.212-2003-09-23-exp) on humbolt.nl.linux.org X-Spam-Status: No, hits=1.7 required=5.0 tests=NO_COST autolearn=no version=2.60-spambr_20030926 X-Spam-Level: * X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix TV Network Gives Out Free PVRs! (* Some Strings Attached) January 29, 2004 HOUSTON, TX -- Just in time for the Super Bowl, the SeeBS broadcast television network has announced that 50 million Personal Video Recorders will be distributed free of charge at participating Radio Outhouse and CompUSSR outlets. Of course, these free devices come with strings attached. Not only do they spy on the user, but they are designed to skip shows, but not commercials. "Many people watch the Super Bowl for the commercials," explained one SeeBS spokesflapper. "With this device, people can easily record their favorite Super Bowl commercials and watch them over and over, while ignoring the filler football crap that the FCC makes us air between commercial breaks." The move comes in sharp contrast to the recent SeeBS policy of denouncing PVRs whenever possible. "If you watch a show and skip the commercials, you are a common criminal. Even shoplifters have better morals!" said one SeeBS executive during an August 2003 interview. Times have changed, however. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" the same executive said today at a press conference (SeeBS pre-empted the popular game show 'Who Wants To Be Embarrased On National TV In Front Of Millions?' to air the press conference live). "With our free machines, we will turn the tables on commercial-skippers, airtime-stealers, and other immoral scum that should not be allowed the privilege of owning a TV." While similar to other PVRs, the SeeBS model will only work with a special remote control that consists of a giant button ("Skip Show, Go Straight To Next Commercial") surrounded by several other microscropic buttons that can only be pressed with a needle. "During our focus group sessions, we learned that many viewers wanted a way to skip lame filler material (i.e., shows) and go straight to our award-winning commercials and infomercials," said a SeeBS assistant market research specialist third class. "With this new device, which we are graciously distributing at no charge, our viewers will now be empowered to watch their favorite advertisements at any time that want." In related news, Ted Turner announced that his Turner Commercial Channel (TCC), launched in 2001 and featuring nothing but commercials [1], has surpassed fifty million daily viewers. Turner hopes to increase that number by offering school districts large sums of money in exchange for permanently tuning their classroom televisions to TCC and handing down expulsions to any student who dares change the channel or smuggle in their own TV or radio. [1] http://humorix.org/articles/aug01/turner.shtml -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/