From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Mon Jul 1 04:55:20 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:35257 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Mon, 1 Jul 2002 04:55:09 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Mon, 01 Jul 2002 04:54:14 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.181]:20121 "EHLO epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Mon, 1 Jul 2002 04:54:06 +0200 Received: from mocape01-167.midwest.net ([209.248.17.177] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 17OrK0-0002vC-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Sun, 30 Jun 2002 19:53:49 -0700 Message-ID: <3D1FC4AA.C0BE24AB@ldd.net> Date: Sun, 30 Jun 2002 21:55:39 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Weblog Changes Results Of An Election! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.6 required=5.0 tests=PLING,PORN_10 version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Weblog Changes Results Of An Election! June 30, 2002 LIZARD LICK, OHIO -- According to research conducted by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm), over 12,000 weblog sites are currently active on the Internet, mindlessly propogating an average total of 52,100 website links per day. However, our spies were unable to uncover any documented cases of a weblog posting having any effect on the Real World. Until this week. Last Tuesday, voters in the city of Lizard Lick cast ballots on Proposition A, which would require a "five day waiting period and background check" before the purchase of any violent video game within city limits. One city resident, Bradford Perre, happened to read an editorial on a weblog called "Bob Weikert's Soapbox Of Mystery" about the vote, and immediately changed his mind and voted "NO" on the proposal. As a result, the proposition failed by one vote. "This is absolutely stunning," Bob Weikert posted to his website. "To think that I actually had an impact on meatspace? Wow!" If Mr. Perre hadn't seen the weblog editorial, he would have voted "YES" and the measure would have passed, 612-611. "I originally thought we should place limits on video games to protect the children," he explained. "I mean, we all know that the violent game 'Microsoft Flight Simulator' was what inspired the terrorists to fly planes into buildings. But the editorial argued that we would then head down a slippery slope and that, for instance, adult videos and magazines could be targeted next for mandatory background checks. Since I maintain one of the largest private collections of pornography in this state, I didn't want to support anything that might impact my... uh, 'hobby'. So I voted no." The Coalition Of Outraged Soccer Moms expressed outrage over the failure of their iniative to pass. Last year the group successfully lobbied to eliminate the ultra-violent games of dodgeball and tag from the city's public school system, but they simply couldn't muster enough support to keep Johnny from buying "Civilization", that insidious video game produced by the evil Sid Meier that encourages players to wipe out whole cities and civilizations for fun. "This is an outrage," said Amber Brundage of the Coalition. "Some kid with a website was able to single-handedly defeat our ballot initiative? We can't stand for that! Society can't allow these subversive websites to subvert society. We need a law!" Undoubtedly the Coalition will gather enough signatures to put the proposition on the ballot again next year. But Bob Weikert will be ready. "Now I only have three or four regular readers -- but next year I might have a dozen. That will be more than enough to win another election!" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu Jul 4 17:54:35 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:27622 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 4 Jul 2002 17:54:24 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 04 Jul 2002 17:53:48 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.181]:15585 "EHLO epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 4 Jul 2002 17:53:31 +0200 Received: from mocape01-179.midwest.net ([209.248.17.189] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 17Q8uv-0003mU-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Thu, 04 Jul 2002 08:53:14 -0700 Message-ID: <3D246E3E.C87BBEF6@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 04 Jul 2002 10:48:14 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Making The Internet Safe For Users, Unsafe For Microsoft Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-4.2 required=5.0 tests=PORN_8 version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Making The Internet Safe For Users, Unsafe For Microsoft July 4, 2002 In a landmark agreement, thousands of script kiddies, warez d00dz, virus writers, illegal file traders, software pirates, identity thieves, and evil spammers have decided to take a hiatus and move to a more redeeming line of work, at least for a few years. The unexpected move comes in response to Microsoft's Palladium (pronounced "You're Screwed") initiative, which is designed to thwart illegal activities -- but also many legal activities. "If the bad guys suddenly drop off the Net, then Microsoft no longer has a justification for Palladium. Why would consumers then fork over root access for their own computers to Microsoft for no reason?" explained one former script kiddie who, for the first time in years, is speaking in plain English. While not everybody has signed off on the hiatus, the level of spam, denial of service attacks, virus infections, and other annoyances should drop considerably in the coming weeks. Meanwhile, the amount of illegal file trading will also plummet (with the exception of RIAA executives posting fake songs to P2P networks), which will seriously frustrate those Congressmen who will no longer be able to push through the anti-Internet laws that Hollywood has already bought and paid for. Several former crackers have already obtained more traditional jobs in the Real World, such as running pyramid schemes or becoming "financial experts" that receive payola to hype stocks like WorldCon or Endrun. "Not only do I make more money this way," said one ex-virus-writer who now practices insurance fraud, "But now I'm fighting to make the Net a more hostile place for Microsoft's world domination schemes." He then added, "Back when I wrote viruses, the only people that profited from my toil and trouble were the anti-virus software vendors. With folks like me now turning to more productive activities, these companies will quickly go out of business. Oh, darn!" It's not clear who first proposed the idea of a voluntary halt of online criminal activity, but the plan quickly spread via IRC, Usenet, and email, and many people agreed without hesitation. "Microsoft is our number one enemy now," an ex-domain-name-hijacker said. "If Palladium comes to pass, the only thing we'll be able to do is hand over our money to Bill Gates -- everything else will require explicit authorization from Microsoft." However, not everybody is convinced that Palladium represents the total elimination of online freedom. Argued one pundit, "Remember Xenix? Microsoft Profit? Bob? Chrome? If Microsoft could make software as good as they make vaporware, then Windows wouldn't suck and the world would be a much better place. Palladium is doomed to become yet another forgotten vaporous buzzword." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Jul 19 19:50:48 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:49097 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 19 Jul 2002 19:50:40 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 19 Jul 2002 19:49:46 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.181]:33176 "EHLO epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 19 Jul 2002 19:49:37 +0200 Received: from mocape01-8.midwest.net ([209.248.17.18] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 17Vbsc-00013x-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Fri, 19 Jul 2002 10:49:26 -0700 Message-ID: <3D384A5B.E0C25A42@ldd.net> Date: Fri, 19 Jul 2002 12:20:27 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] GNU Project Unveils Patent-Free GNU/DIST Image Format Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.5 required=5.0 tests=ONE_HUNDRED_PC_FREE,PORN_10 version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: ** X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org GNU Project Unveils Patent-Free GNU/DIST Image Format July 19, 2002 At 3:17 PM on July 18, 2002, Richard M. Stallman and the GNU Project first received word that the JPEG image format was suddenly encumbered by patents. Within three hours, the GNU Rapid Response Team developed, implemented, tested, and documented a brand new image file format that is 100% patent-free and 100% freedom-enhanced. The new format, dubbed GNU/DIST (Digital Image Storage Type), stores graphics data in plain text which can then be compressed by an external unpatented program like gzip or bzip2. "Burn all JPEGs!" Richard M. Stallman exclaimed in a posting to Usenet which contained the world's first GNU/DIST file attachment. "If we don't act now, the world's supply of pornography could be compromised by the bait-and-switch tactics of the JPEG patent holders." While no graphics programs or web browsers can currently read GNU/DIST files, deployment should happen rapidly because the file format is extremely easy to decode. Here's a sample file: --- GNU/DIST 1.0.0 Filename: gnu-logo.gnudist License: GNU General Public License 2.0 Alternate_Text: This image depicts the GNU logo and the text "No JPEGs or GIFs due to patent problems." Image_Mode: bitmap Width: 150 px Height: 120 px Color_Depth: 24 bits Transparency: Yes Animated: No Encoding_Mode: So Simple Even An MCSE Can Understand It (version 1.0.0) Encoding_URL: http://www.gnu.org/gnudist/encoding/mcse-1.0.0/ Image_Begin: Row 0, Col 0: #000011 Row 0, Col 1: #FFA112 Row 2, Col 15: #66B901 ...etc... --- One of the GNU/DIST developers, Mr. Pat Entbuster, explained, "Every file must include an URL to a webpage with an explanation of how the file was encoded along with sample GPL-licensed demo source code that shows how to read and write it. In this case, the file uses the default 'So Simple Even An MCSE Can Understand It' method that stores the hexadecimal color of each pixel on its own line." He continued, "We've hedged our bets by creating a file format that is so simple, so self-explanatory, and so stupifyingly obvious that even the most airheaded patent examiner will reject all attempts to patent it. Meanwhile, users can take advantage of whatever file compression tool they want without being forced to use the patent-encumbered algorithms of GIF and JPEG files. It's a win-win situation, except for greedy intellectual property lawyers working for Big Evil Corporations that will now be unable to purchase that second yacht or airplane that they so desperately need." Thanks to the sheer power of open source development, coupled with the lack of time-wasting social lives by most geeks, many projects are expected to fully support GNU/DIST images within the next 36 hours. Meanwhile, Richard M. Stallman has personally coded a batch conversion program that will allow people to convert their JPEG image collections (mostly porn, of course) to GNU/DIST files before the Intellectual Property Police come knocking. "We've been prepared for a crisis such as this for years," RMS said. "The 32-member GNU Rapid Response Team was able to avert disaster by deploying an alternative file format before the first "First Post!" was posted to Slashdot in response to the news of the JPEG patent. If we can keep up this level of emergency response, I predict the world we be free of copyrights and patents by the year 2512." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue Jul 23 05:44:18 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:56232 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 23 Jul 2002 05:44:13 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 23 Jul 2002 05:42:09 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.179]:2186 "EHLO atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 23 Jul 2002 05:42:03 +0200 Received: from mocape01-152.midwest.net ([209.248.17.162] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 17WqYb-0007Tk-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Mon, 22 Jul 2002 20:41:54 -0700 Message-ID: <3D3CC23D.B999F56B@ldd.net> Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 21:41:01 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] New Linux Software Detects Viruses, Windows Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.0 required=5.0 tests= version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org New Linux Software Detects Viruses, Windows July 22, 2002 DAWN, TEXAS -- After going face-to-face with the Microsoft Intellectual Property Auditing Police last year and losing, Angus Hereford, owner of Hereford's Leather Factory, came to a decision. His company was going Microsoft-free. The threat of another audit attack was too much; he would rather fight cryptic half-finished Linux desktop software than fight conniving, half-insane Microsoft lawyers. Some of his 152 employees had different ideas, however. No matter how hard Mr. Hereford and his IT staff tried, they couldn't eliminate Microsoft payware from every computer in the company's offices. Somebody, late at night, would always smuggle in a Windows CD and secretly install it on their computer. But that's about to change. Eric Longhorn, the head geek at Hereford's Leather Factory, has developed a new Linux-based software package that scans the corporate network looking for the tell-tale signs of viruses such as Windows. The program, code-named "Curtains for Windows", provides 24-hour protection against illicit Windows installations. "This is the ultimate protection against viral infections," Longhorn boasted. "If you can eliminate Windows from your network, then other viruses such as Klez and Sircam no longer matter. The problem with today's anti-virus software is that it only attacks the symptoms, not the root of the problem... which as we all know, is Windows." Curtains uses a multi-pronged approach to keeping PCs Windows-free. First, it modifies the BIOS to detect attempts by the luser to boot from a Windows CD. If so, Curtains will command the CD-ROM drive to spin at the highest possible speed, and then immediately eject the disc, sending it flying across the room. This will likely destroy the offending disc and prevent the virus from taking hold. Next, in the unlikely event that an infection does hold, Curtain's "Dead Man Switch" prevents the virus from spreading. Every few minutes, a Linux daemon running on every computer broadcasts a signal to all other computers on the network. This signal basically says, "I'm a Linux box. Don't hurt me!" If, however, a computer fails to send this message (presumably because Linux has been shut down in an attempt to install Windows), the other computers can remotely disable the infected machine's power supply, therefore shutting it down and placing it under quarantine until a geek with an emergency Linux install kit can arrive. Finally, Curtains maintains a firewall that filters out all Word documents and .EXE attachments from e-mail, thus eliminating another possible vector of infection. The software can also scan for all known Linux viruses and worms, although at present the function are_linux_viruses_present() consists solely of the line "return false;". "With something as potent and dangerous as Microsoft software, you can't take chances," Curtains developer Eric Longhorn warned. "One minute somebody manages to install Solitaire, the next minute you're on the hook for violating Microsoft license agreements." Mr. Longhorn does recall a time when the tables were turned and geeks would run the risk of getting fired for smuggling in a Linux box in defiance of the Windows-only policies enacted by their Pointy Haired Bosses. "Wow, things have changed," he reflected. "Now it's the Windows weenies that are rebelling against using Linux!" He added, "Not that I'm complaining or anything..." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu Jul 25 04:02:42 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:61847 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 25 Jul 2002 04:02:34 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 25 Jul 2002 04:01:43 +0200 (CEST) Received: from sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.182]:10140 "EHLO sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 25 Jul 2002 04:01:35 +0200 Received: from mocape01-37.midwest.net ([209.248.17.47] helo=ldd.net) by sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 17XXwT-0000xR-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Wed, 24 Jul 2002 19:01:26 -0700 Message-ID: <3D3F5AEB.F7D50970@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 20:56:59 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] HP Drops Dell, Picks Up Dellbert's Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.0 required=5.0 tests= version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org HP Drops Dell, Picks Up Dellbert's July 24, 2002 In a surprise change of strategy, Hewlett-Packard dropped its contract to supply printers to Dell in order to partner with rival Dellbert's Computer Store of Hooteewayfield, Alabama. While the demand for new printers for Dellbert computers will be, in the words of HP's spokesweasel, "slightly lower" than for Dell, the company still expects to come out ahead. "Since Dell is about to come out with their own line of printers, we had no choice but to stop taking their money," said the spokesweasel. "We would rather our printers rot in a vacant warehouse than go to some company that is conniving against us." Tom Dellbert, founder of the computer store (now with two locations!), was obviously ecstatic over the deal. "Thanks to this deal, my customers will receive a 1.2% discount on all HP printers bundled with a new computer. Maybe I'll be able to increase my average weekly computer sales from fifteen to twenty!" The annoying Dell commercial guy, acting as the company's official spokesdude, was visibly upset. "Before, we would sell HP printers and HP would make money. Now HP is not letting us sell their printers, so they will not make money. I don't get it. Dude, I'm getting a headache." Microsoft's Chief Bloatware Architect was also visibly upset over the news. "If I pulled something like this," he said, "entire squadrons of anti-trust lawyers would invade my mansion's thirty front doors. Of course, I could easily win any court battles by simply playing the standard the-economy-will-collapse-if-Microsoft's-freedom-to-innovative-is-infringed card... but it would be a real bother. How come nobody ever accuses HP of monopolistic tactics, but every time I sneeze, somebody always assumes it's all part of a vast conspiracy to wipe out -- spit -- Linux?" Dell executives predict that the company will not be able to offer its own line of printers for at least another two months. In the meantime, all new Dell computer systems will come bundled with driving directions on reaching the nearest CompUSSR Superstore that carries HP printers. "Our customers that insist on getting screwed by the HP cartridge tax will still be able to, but they will just have to work a little harder during this transition phase..." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri Jul 26 05:50:50 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:62655 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 26 Jul 2002 05:50:43 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 26 Jul 2002 05:49:52 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.179]:38122 "EHLO atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 26 Jul 2002 05:49:39 +0200 Received: from mocape01-192.midwest.net ([209.248.17.202] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 17Xw6c-0006ii-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Thu, 25 Jul 2002 20:49:30 -0700 Message-ID: <3D40C72D.EBB78A6E@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 25 Jul 2002 22:51:09 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Crashback: Citations, Copyrights, Crashes Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.1 required=5.0 tests=PORN_10 version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Crashback: Citations, Copyrights, Crashes July 25, 2002 The bubble has burst. Linux Weekly News is almost gone, and Taco Boy will probably be forced to launch an "ASCII-thon Pledge Drive" to help save Slashdot within the coming months. Humorix, however, with its six regular readers (up 200% from last year), is still going strong. Today is the fourth anniversary of the first Humorix article, which, in "dotcom years", makes us 2800 years old. With the demise of Linux true news sites, Humorix may need to fill in the gap by publishing real news in addition to fake stuff. Indeed, we're already doing that. Several of our stories that were labeled as "Fake News" have become reality (or semi-reality). However, even though we've engaged in deceptive advertising by mislabeling our true content as deceptions, it's our policy to never give out refunds. So there. * Don't cite your sources, get expelled for plagarism. Do reference your sources, go to jail. In "Court Rules Against 'Deep Citations'"[1], we unfabricated a story in which copyright vultures...er, lawyers were going after scholars for including page numbers within their bibliographies, thus including direct links to material in violation of copyright law. While such an argument hasn't held up in court, it's only a matter of time according to this editorial[2]. * The Webification of Television continues Ted Turner might not be unveiling his own All-Commercial Channel[3] yet, but that doesn't matter, because the network TV stations have already embarked on the path of intrusive, pop-up advertising[4] that has long been the mainstay of those Internet pioneers, porn webmasters. Since we all know that watching television while skipping the ads is a crime worse than theft (at least according to our media overlords), it looks like we'll either have to break our "Simpsons" addictions -- or prepare to sit locked in front of the tube for several hours just to catch a twenty-two minute show. * Attack of the Meta-meta-meta-meta-complaint-bounce-flames Back in November 2000, we "reported"[5] that a flood of spam emails, followed by email bounces, followed by meta-bounces, followed by flames about the meta-bounces, etc., had caused the Internet to crash. One writer for everybody's favorite tech publication, Ziff-Davis, recently warned[6] that something like that could really happen. * Turn your code into @$_(*+_\?-:\@_*:"<>~($=`@#^(>[]; In one Humorix classic (well, only if you're so easily amused that you would consider anything we publish as "classic"), we described how some geek working in his basement had created "Polymorph"[7], a compiler that "allows code from many languages to co-exist in a state of superposition within the same source file." Somebody has done just that, although we're not sure if he was working in a basement at the time. The Perl module "Inline"[8] gives programmers the freedom to further obfuscate their code by including snippets from several different languages within the same file. If your Perl code only vaguely resembles line noise, the Inline module will make it indistinguishable. * A better Slashdot than Slashdot A few years ago, we featured a meta-portal website called "SlashGrok"[9] that would take Slashdot, filter out all of the crap (i.e., 99% of everything), and produce a condensed version for people who want to get caught up on the news without spending hours reading Anonymous Coward's latest rants about Microsoft. The real website AlterSlash comes close[A], and even includes cute signal-to-noise graphs for each article. >From what we can tell, however, the AlterSlash software is not yet capable of correcting Taco Boy's many atrocious spelling and grammatical errors. Darn. * These profits are not here yet It's been nearly three years since that glorious day when the geeks of the world waited to hear the official announcement of Transmeta's first product. We here at Humorix were the first to speculate that Transmeta was a front for illegal immigration[B] and that their products were a hoax[C]. Okay, so Transmeta isn't smuggling in Finns as part of some fiendish conspiracy. But the company still doesn't seem to have much in the way of products, except for Linus Torvalds' celebrity status. We'll score this as a win. [1] http://humorix.org/articles/jun02/deep-citations.shtml [2] http://www.searchenginewatch.com/searchday/02/sd0709-deeplink.html [3] http://humorix.org/articles/aug01/turner.shtml [4] http://slashdot.org/articles/02/07/15/208217.shtml [5] http://humorix.org/articles/nov00/net-collapse.shtml [6] http://news.zdnet.co.uk/story/0,,t269-s2105350,00.html [7] http://humorix.org/articles/apr01/polymorph.shtml [8] http://inline.perl.org/inline/home.html [9] http://humorix.org/articles/jun99/slashgrok.shtml [A] http://www.alterslash.org/ [B] http://humorix.org/articles/dec98/finnback.shtml [C] http://humorix.org/articles/nov99/transmeta-expose.shtml -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From emarketing@comprosys.com Wed Jul 31 23:38:29 2002 Received: from [IPv6:::ffff:216.242.37.114] ([IPv6:::ffff:216.242.37.114]:36080 "HELO comprosys.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Wed, 31 Jul 2002 23:38:23 +0200 From: "Com-Pro Systems, Inc." To: Subject: Get Your Own Great-Looking Website Sender: "Com-Pro Systems, Inc." Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="= Multipart Boundary 0731021737" Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 17:37:43 -0400 Reply-To: "Com-Pro Systems, Inc." Message-Id: <20020731213825Z16521-15765+84@humbolt.nl.linux.org> Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org This is a multipart MIME message. --= Multipart Boundary 0731021737 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="ISO-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit - NEED A PROFESSIONAL LOOKING WEBSITE? Custom Website Development We can create new web pages or give your existing pages a "face-lift" to bring them up to the Internet's latest trends and standards. 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If you prefer not to receive future news and information on our technology solutions, please reply to this message with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject. 2200 N.W. 102nd Ave. Suite 4 Miami, FL 33172 Tel: +1 (305) 594-3474 Fax: +1 (305) 594-9655 Toll Free: 1-888-8-COM-PRO Web: www.comprosys.com e-mail: info@comprosys.com Web Templates Starting from just $499! $399 If your order is placed by 8/15/2002. Our Web templates give you the way to get on the Internet with a very professional look and feel while keeping the costs down. Contact us for your options. How does it work? Easy as 1-2-3... 1) Register on our site and select a username and password, this will allow you to track your website development project start to finish. 2) Fill out the questionnaire, this will help you to get all the materials needed for us to develop your site. It is very important to fill out all the questions. 3) We will then setup your website according to the information given to us. That's it ! If you would prefer a custom solution we will be happy to create a completely custom solution for you. Contact us for a free quote. Sell Your Products On-Line E-shop is a multi-platform e-commerce solution for Retailers, Wholesalers, or any company wanting to sell on the Internet. This e-commerce solution can be used as a business-to-business consumer solution. E-Shop will support any number of products since its data is stored in SQL tables. Corporate Profile Com-Pro Systems, Inc., founded in 1990, is a successful information technology consulting firm providing products and services across several industries. Com-Pro Systems' goal is to become the leader in software development. CSI will deliver the entire solution. By leveraging our relationships with companies like IBM, Microsoft, Compaq, AT&T, Cisco and others we bring you the best cross platform solutions to your Hardware, Software and Hosting needs. Copyright C 2001, Com-Pro Systems, Inc. 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If you would prefer a custom solution we will be happy to create a completely custom solution for you. Contact us for a free quote.

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	Corporate Profile Com-Pro Systems, Inc., founded in 1990, is a successful information technology consulting firm providing products and services across several industries. Com-Pro Systems' goal is to become the leader in software development. CSI will deliver the entire solution. By leveraging our relationships with companies like IBM, Microsoft, Compaq, AT&T, Cisco and others we bring you the best cross platform solutions to your Hardware, Software and Hosting needs.
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