From sale@usa.net Thu May 2 15:16:31 2002 Received: from [IPv6:::ffff:61.159.251.126] ([IPv6:::ffff:61.159.251.126]:17396 "HELO www") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 2 May 2002 15:16:13 +0200 From: hello Reply-To: sale@usa.net Subject: always jadeite Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 21:17:37 +0800 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; boundary="72074f01-5e0c-11d6-bbc7-00e04c502789" Message-Id: <20020502131624Z16391-32531+75@humbolt.nl.linux.org> To: unlisted-recipients:; (no To-header on input) Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org This is a multi-part message in MIME format --72074f01-5e0c-11d6-bbc7-00e04c502789 Content-Type: text/html; charset=gb2312 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =C4=B8=C7=D7=BD=DA=BF=EC=C0=D6
--72074f01-5e0c-11d6-bbc7-00e04c502789-- From chinabridge@softhome.net Thu May 2 16:22:41 2002 Received: from cm61-15-37-81.hkcable.com.hk ([IPv6:::ffff:61.15.37.81]:60430 "HELO humbolt.nl.linux.org") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 2 May 2002 16:22:34 +0200 From: "investcn2003@yahoo.com.cn" Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 22:22:38 To: humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Subject: Let's Introduce Your Company To China Government MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; boundary="----=_NextPart_YYLJIWPBXG" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Message-ID: PM2000PM 10:22:38 Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org This is an HTML email message. If you see this, your mail client does not support HTML messages. ------=_NextPart_YYLJIWPBXG Content-Type: text/html;charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit investcn.biz
Let China Government Gets To Know Your Company
The One and Only B2G Business Directory
(in Simplied Chinese) for the China Government Officials!
First 500 advertisers will get free handbook
The 1000 Billion Purchasing Market Handbook
( How to access China Government Purchasing Market )

InvestCN is pleased to announce that its first China B2G Directory will be published in Oct 2002. This B2G Directory is not for sale. First edition will be published 5000 issues and distributed to : State Development Planning Commission System, Ministries and Commissions under the State Council, Chief Executive Bureau of all Provinces, Cities, and Counties (more than 2000 counties), Organizations directly under the State Council, and Institutions directly under the State Council.

If you are interested to do business with China government,
don't miss out this opportunity.
Advertising and listing spaces will run out fast! First come first served!

By way of background, InvestCN, is a division of China Economic Herald, which is the media bureau of State Development Planning Commission, P.R.China. The main objective of InvestCN is to provide practical, deliverable, workable China investment solutions to investors, bankers, CEOs, CFOs, COOs, decision-making officers, purchasing managers, government officials at all levels around the world.

To reserve your listing on our China B2G Directory, email investcn2003@yahoo.com.cn
THIS IS NOT SPAM, YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS INFORMATION BECAUSE :
A) You submitted a classified ad or link, posted your e-mail address in public commercial domains.
B) You sent email to one of our domains and/or addresses in the past or
C) We are on the same list. If you were not the intended recipient of this
message, Please accept our apologies and delete. If you wish to no longer
receive email from us please send an email message to investcn2003@yahoo.com.cn
with "Remove" placed in the subject line. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER

------=_NextPart_YYLJIWPBXG-- From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue May 7 04:57:38 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:37006 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 7 May 2002 04:57:27 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 07 May 2002 04:56:49 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.179]:17890 "EHLO atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 7 May 2002 04:56:36 +0200 Received: from mocape01-74.midwest.net ([209.248.17.84] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 174v9Q-0004e1-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Mon, 06 May 2002 19:56:28 -0700 Message-ID: <3CD7358F.1A830DDC@ldd.net> Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 21:01:51 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Mass Exodus From Hollywood Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Mass Exodus From Hollywood May 6, 2002 During the past week, over 150 Hollywood actors, musicians, writers, directors, and key grips have quit their day jobs and moved to the Midwest to engage in quieter occupations such as gardening or accounting. All of the these people cite the fear of piracy as the number one reason for giving up their careers. "I simply can't sit by and let my hard work be stolen by some snot nosed punk over the Internet," explained millionaire movie director Steve Bergospiel. "There's absolutely no incentive to create movies if they're going to be transmitted at the speed of light by thousands of infringers. Such criminal acts personally cost me hundreds -- no, thousands -- of dollars. I can't take that kind of fear and abuse anymore." MPAA President Pei Pervue considers the exodus to be proof that Hollywood is waking up to the fact that they are being "held hostage" by copyright infringers. "Without copyright protection and government-backed monopolies on intellectual property, these's absolutely no reason to engage in the creative process. Now the Internet, with its click-and-pirate technology, makes it easy for anybody to flout the law and become a copyright terrorist. With the scales tipped so much in favor of criminals, it's no wonder Hollywood's elite have decided to throw in the towel and turn their efforts to other occupations in which their hard work won't be stolen by others. What a shame." Former guitar player Sow Ergrayps took a job as a stained glass window maker in Keokuk, Iowa. "I got sick and tired of seeing MP3s of my band's music at every nook and cranny of the Net. Now I'm devoting my creative talents to something that evil pirates won't be able to steal." [Editor's Note: Actually, we've received word that the plans for one of Mr. Ergrayps' windows has already been photocopied and posted to various online file-trading services.] Another ex-Hollywoodian said sharply, "If we don't start passing strict laws against copying, Hollywood is going to become a ghost town within ten years. The entire film, music, television, and publishing industries will be wiped out." The same doomsayer said this doom: "And if the government doesn't stop harassing Microsoft for anti-trust violations, the entire economy will collapse and 500 million Americans will lose their jobs." The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) assures us that there's little reason for geeks to panic over the Hollywood defections so far. The supply of new "Simpsons" and "South Park" episode will continue unabated as long as those shows remain profitable, and the release schedule for "Star Wars" prequels, "The Matrix" sequels, and "Lord of the Rings" remains unchanged. The only noticeable effect is that new releases by several boy bands will be delayed until replacement audio engineers can be found, but we here at Humorix consider this to be good news. -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue May 7 16:33:03 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:42129 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 7 May 2002 16:32:52 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 07 May 2002 16:32:31 +0200 (CEST) Received: from sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.182]:24555 "EHLO sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 7 May 2002 16:32:22 +0200 Received: from mocape01-113.midwest.net ([209.248.17.123] helo=ldd.net) by sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 17560j-0006gu-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Tue, 07 May 2002 07:32:14 -0700 Message-ID: <3CD7E3C2.B5BD088C@ldd.net> Date: Tue, 07 May 2002 09:25:06 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Solving The Virus Problem Once And For All Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Solving The Virus Problem Once And For All May 7, 2002 ZANESVILLE, OHIO -- System administrators across the globe have tried installing anti-virus software. They've tried lecturing employees not to open unsolicited email attachments. They've tried installing firewalls and the latest security patches. But even with these precautions, email viruses continue to rank third only to Solitaire and the Blue Screen Of Death in the amount of lost productivity they cause. Meanwhile, Microsoft Exchange and LookOut remain as the number one virus delivery products on the market today. But maybe not for much longer. A group of disgruntled administrators have teamed up to produce and sell a brand new way to fight viruses, one that attacks the root of the problem: stupid users. Salivating Dogs, Inc. of Ohio has unveiled the "Clue Delivery System" (CDS), a small device that plugs into the back of a standard PC keyboard and delivers a mild electric shock whenever the luser does something stupid. The device is triggered by a Windows program that detects when the luser attempts to open an unsolicited email attachment or perform another equally dangerous virus-friendly action. "What's great about the Clue Delivery System is that the device is completely hidden within the keyboard and cannot be easily disabled," boasted the President of Salivating Dogs, Inc. "While electric shock therapy might not be the most efficient nor the most ethical method to deliver clues to lusers, we feel that desperate times call for desperate measures. Just about every system administrator in the industry is going to want a whole stack of these things." The company does have plans to offer a slightly more humane method of clue delivery. This upcoming (but still vaporware) device, known simply as the Idiot Identification Interface, connects with a company's loudspeaker system and automatically broadcasts a humiliating message such as "Bob Smith in Accounting has just opened an email attachment containing the Klez virus. What an idiot!". Unfortunately, the team responsible for adding macro capabilities to Microsoft LookOut! was unavailable for comment at press time. Even more unfortunately, a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Investigation & Privacy Violations _was_ available for comment at press time, and he said, "Wow, we at the Bureau would sure love to get our hands on these and set them up to be remote activated. If we could require all new computers to come preinstalled with these electroshock devices, we could completely eliminate piracy, hacking, and independent thought. What a bright future!" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Thu May 9 05:00:37 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:43169 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 9 May 2002 05:00:28 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Thu, 09 May 2002 04:59:41 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.181]:11994 "EHLO epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 9 May 2002 04:59:34 +0200 Received: from mocape01-168.midwest.net ([209.248.17.178] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 175e9J-0000Im-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Wed, 08 May 2002 19:59:21 -0700 Message-ID: <3CD9C879.BB3F613@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 08 May 2002 19:53:14 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Severe Acronym Shortage Cripples Computer Industry Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Severe Acronym Shortage Cripples Computer Industry May 8, 2002 SILICON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA (SVC) -- According to a recent study by the Blartner Group, 99.5% of all possible five letter combinations have already been appropriated for computer industry acronyms. The impending shortage of 5LC's is casting a dark shadow over the industry, which relies heavily on short, easy-to-remember acronyms for everything from product names to inside jokes. "Acronym namespace collisions (ANCs) are increasing at a fantastic rate and threaten the very fabric of the computing world," explained one ZD pundit. "For example, when somebody talks about XP, I don't know whether they mean eXtreme Programming or Microsoft's eXceptionally Pathetic operating system. We need to find a solution to this problem fast or chaos could be the result." Leaders of several SVC companies have floated the idea of an "industry-wide acronym conservation protocol" (IWACP -- one of the few 5LCs not already appropriated). Explained Bob Smith, CTO of IBM, "If companies would voluntarily limit the creation of new acronyms while recycling outdated names, we could reduce much of the pollution within the acronym namespace without the use of new government regulations or programs. The last thing we want is for Congress to get involved and try to impose a solution for this SAS (Severe Acronym Shortage -- also a software program) that would likely only create dozens of new acronyms in the process." Several members of the Internet Engineering Task Force want to place a limit on the number of new acronyms that can be defined per RFC document. "We all know that a huge percentage of the industry's acronyms were given birth in old RFCs," said one IETF participant. "Every Internet protocol has two or three dozen acronyms attached to it. If we could get developers to refrain from acronymizing everything, we could nip the impending 'acronymclysm' in the bud." Eric S. Raymond has offered to help by requesting that the Internet community refer to him simply as Eric S. Raymond instead of ESR, thus freeing up a coveted 3LC. (RMS, JWZ, and LBT were unavailable for comment at press time.) Mr. Raymond also wants open-source software developers to reconsider using the GPL or BSD licenses instead of inventing another license and creating yet another acronym in the process. "Open Source already depends heavily on a steady supply of acronyms -- 45.7% of projects on Freshmeat use acronyms for their names," he said. "Don't poison the water with acronyms for frivolous licenses -- let's use our precious natural resources wisely." ICANN Emperor Luart Synn, desperately searching for a reason for his organization to exist, has offered to open up a new Top Level Domain exclusively for registering acronyms. "Within three months, every 5LC from AAAAA (American Association Against Acronym Abuse) to ZZZZZ (Zoe Zephyr's Zero Zucchini Zone [a store that sells only meat products]) will be occupied. What we need is a central registrar for domain names and a way to resolve disputes between competing parties that have claims to the same letter combinations. We can do for acronyms what we did for domain names." Mr. Synn's proposal has drawn mostly yawns from the CIAL (Computer Industry At Large). It seems clear that BECs (Big Evil Companies) will always win out against SFTDHARPPs (Small Fish That Don't Have Any Real Political Power) in any acronym dispute. At any rate, most developers don't like the idea of submitting an ARR (Acronym Registration Requests) anytime they string a few capital letters together. Indeed, some people believe that the "acronym shortage" is a myth. "The military and all other government bureaucracies have depleted the acronymspace for years," explained one member of the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm). "Virtually every 3, 4, 5, and 6 letter acronym has been gobbled up by the US Air Force alone since at least the Reagan administration. Has there been a crisis? Has the government collapsed because people couldn't tell whether a PDO was a Paid Day Off or a Portable Distributed Object or a Pretty Dumb Officer? No! Life will go on no matter how many acronyms we define." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Fri May 10 02:47:36 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:17617 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 10 May 2002 02:47:23 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Fri, 10 May 2002 02:47:07 +0200 (CEST) Received: from sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.182]:23228 "EHLO sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 10 May 2002 02:46:57 +0200 Received: from mocape01-184.midwest.net ([209.248.17.194] helo=ldd.net) by sire.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 175yYa-0002It-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Thu, 09 May 2002 17:46:49 -0700 Message-ID: <3CDB1882.64F7882B@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 09 May 2002 19:46:58 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Guest Editorial: Big Brother Is Blind Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Guest Editorial: Big Brother Is Blind Written May 9, 2002 by Anonymous [Editor's Note: The following opinion piece does not necessarily reflect the viewpoints of Humorix. In fact, we're sure that it doesn't.] Everywhere I turn, geeks are complaining about the lack of privacy online and offline. The FBI wants to read their files, spammers want to snatch their email addresses, Big Evil Corporations want to know their beverage preferences, and Small Evil Companies want to plant spyware on their computers. But is the privacy situation really that bad? Even though corporations have probably collected megabytes of information about me, they continue to send me junk mail advertising "feminine hygiene products". At the same time, I receive an average of 52.3 pieces of spam each days advertising "penis enlargement" (mine is already long enough, thank you very much). Meanwhile, the US Federal government, which undoubtedly has the world's largest Beowulf cluster of privacy-invading database servers, is entirely clueless. They hand out student visas to dead terrorists. They strip-search three year olds at airports but let adults that fit terrorist profiles waltz through. They spend $30 mailing out an income tax bill for one cent. So the FBI, CIA, NSA, ATF, DEA, IRS, and other three-letter wonders constantly invade your privacy. What's the big deal? If this is Big Brother, he must be deaf and blind with an IQ of 58. Even with cookies, web bugs, spyware, and other online privacy-invading schemes, corporations still haven't been able to capitalize on their terabyte database of collected information. Sure, they might know that you're a man, but that won't stop them from advertising yeast infection medications to you. Oh, their database might show that you're lactose intolerant, but that won't prevent them from mailing out grocery store flyers promoting special discounts on Monterrey Jack. Yeah, they probably know that you only run Windows, but that won't stop CompUSSR from mailing out circulars offering computers that only come pre-installed with Windows. I once made the mistake of posting a comment to an obscure Usenet group with my real email address. As a result, I get an average of 1000 spam messages per day. And yet, not one single mailing has ever been relevant to me. I don't want a home loan, I don't want to run a background check on my neighbor's second cousin, I don't need debt consultation, I don't even want to know about human growth hormones, I don't want to gamble my life savings away at some offshore Internet casino, I don't need toner cartridges, and I certainly don't want to kill my boss and throw away the alarm clock (I run my own small business that manufactures alarm clocks). Thousands of spammers know my email address, but they don't know a darned thing about me. I wish they _would_ invade my privacy and realize that I will never, ever be interested in any of their "products" (I use that term loosely) -- then maybe they would leave me alone! In conclusion, government and corporations invade our privacy, but they don't actually use any of the information they collect, so there's really nothing to worry about. A deaf and blind Big Brother sitting in front of a computer with access to terabytes of personal information is still a deaf and blind Big Brother. Let's move on and find another more important issue to direct our slactivism towards. -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Sun May 12 23:14:41 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:43231 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 12 May 2002 23:14:30 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Sun, 12 May 2002 23:13:22 +0200 (CEST) Received: from atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.179]:28608 "EHLO atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 12 May 2002 23:13:04 +0200 Received: from mocape01-139.midwest.net ([209.248.17.149] helo=ldd.net) by atlantic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 1770e7-0007AC-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Sun, 12 May 2002 14:12:47 -0700 Message-ID: <3CDED7F3.A728BD1F@ldd.net> Date: Sun, 12 May 2002 16:00:35 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Slashdot To Include Warning Labels Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.0 required=5.0 tests= version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Slashdot To Include Warning Labels May 12, 2002 HOLLAND, MICHIGAN -- In what some are calling an "epidemic", medical scientists have discovered that heart attack rates have shot up nearly 50% among geeks and nerds during the past three years. Other stress-related health problems have also undergone disproportionate increases, leading some to seek a connection with "stressful" websites like Slashdot that typically feature high levels of bad news. "Before the advent of weblogs, many people didn't know about all of the bad stuff government and corporations were up to," explained Dr. Mel Praktiss of the Payola Clinic's brand new Department of Nerd Neuroses. "Civil liberties infringements, copyright abuses, privacy violations, social injustice, political corruption, corporate exploitations, and other blood-pressure-increasing problems largely go unreported in the lamestream media, but are heavily emphasized on the Web. This endless stream of bad news is simply not good for mental and physical health." Taco Boy has decided to place a small warning label on the front page of Slashdot advising users of the potential health risks of reading too many negative articles. "This site featurs [sic] many stories that will likely make you angry at governments and corporations, and will potentially increase your stress levels to unhealthy levels," the label says. "Please take short breaks after reading negatives articles and please refrain from hitting reload every five minutes to catch the latest bad news -- it can wait. Remember that life will go even if Fritz Holings [sic], Bill Gates, Jack Valenti, Larry Ellison, and other do-badders are able to declare total victory..." We here at Humorix, also worried that one of our three regular readers might suffer a heart attack as the result of mistaking a fake story for a real one, have contemplated putting a warning label on the front page of humorix.org. "You simply can't be too careful," argued Humorix Legal Counsel Noah Morals, Esq. "Tech websites could go the way of the tobacco industry if enough lawyers smell blood. Just as cigarette companies got slammed for knowingly marketing dangerous products, folks like Taco Boy could get creamed for knowingly publishing heart-attack-inducing stories. If some lawyer could ever get hands on an email in which Rob Malda admits to manipulating the level of addictive bad news on his site to increase hit counts for the evil Andover Keiretsu, then the entire industry is doomed. Humorix shouldn't take any chances." Noah Morals also suggested that we strive to show the silver lining of otherwise bad news. And indeed there is good news with this story: Big Microsoft could also go the way of Big Tobacco. Recent crime statistics show that "tech rage" incidents are on the increase, and it should come as no surprise that virtually all of these cases involve Microsoft products. "Almost any time somebody takes a handgun or a sledgehammer to a computer, it's the result of a Windows bug," explained one police officer who specializes in Tech Rage investigations. "Some people can deal with the stress of crappy Microsoft products by installing Linux. But many people let their anger and stress build up until it erupts into a violent outburst against their computers -- and if this trend continues, this violence could spread to family members, computer store salesmen, and even innocent bystanders." Several industry pundits have argued that warning labels should come on certain Microsoft products associated with high stress levels -- in other words, all of them. Some recommendations include "WARNING: This products sucks. Side effects of prolonged use include headaches, high blood pressure, and frequent dreams about strangling Bill Gates." and "CAUTION: This product greatly exceeds the government's daily recommended allowance of stress, strain, pressure, and anxiety. Do not operate when you are in reach of firearms, sledgehammers, or other potential weapons." One industry analyst we interviewed suggested that, at some point in the future, warning labels would come with their own warning labels. "We all know Microsoft products suck and cause headaches, so why insult the user by pointing out that fact? Some companies, fearing lawsuits from users harmed by the original warning labels, might start sticking on meta-warning labels that say, 'WARNING: The following warning contains obvious information and might cause some people to start rolling on the floor laughing, which could ultimately result in bone injuries or breathing problems. You have been warned.'" -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Tue May 21 04:51:01 2002 Received: from localhost.nl.linux.org ([IPv6:::ffff:127.0.0.1]:28300 "EHLO humbolt.") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 21 May 2002 04:50:51 +0200 Received: with LISTAR (v1.0.0; list humorix); Tue, 21 May 2002 04:49:53 +0200 (CEST) Received: from epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net ([IPv6:::ffff:207.217.120.181]:7153 "EHLO epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 21 May 2002 04:49:42 +0200 Received: from mocape01-20.midwest.net ([209.248.17.30] helo=ldd.net) by epic.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #2) id 179ziN-0004HN-00 for humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org; Mon, 20 May 2002 19:49:31 -0700 Message-ID: <3CE9A17A.C59EC085@ldd.net> Date: Mon, 20 May 2002 20:23:06 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Bill Gates And Richard M. Stallman Are The Same Person! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=0.5 required=5.0 tests=PLING version=2.20 X-Spam-Level: X-Approved-By: jbaughn@ldd.net X-listar-version: Listar v1.0.0 Sender: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org Errors-to: humorix-bounce@nl.linux.org X-original-sender: jbaughn@ldd.net Precedence: bulk Reply-to: humorix-l@nl.linux.org List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 1.0.0 X-List-ID: List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: List-archive: X-list: humorix Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Bill Gates And Richard M. Stallman Are The Same Person! Glenn Alexander, glenalec@shoalhaven.net.au May 20, 2002 In fake news so unbelievable it has to be true, intensive research has revealed that Bill Gates and Richard M. Stallman are the same person living a bizarre double life! The first hints picked up by the Vast Spy Network's open-source grid-enabled globally-distributed buzzword-compliant neural processor was the fact that these two people have never been seen in public together. The second piece of evidence came when a bored Linux user found a picture of Bill Gates in an old newspaper and decided to deface it with a RMS-style beard. "I couldn't believe it," she is reported to have said. "Six seconds with a Crayola and, other than the glasses, you couldn't tell the difference between the picture in the paper and the poster of RMS on the wall in the server room next to the Linus Torvalds shrine." Our reporter tracked down RMS to a free-software conference and by chance caught him leaving with false-beard half removed and spectacles in place. Apparently he had to leer it to a Microsoft board meeting across the country. "Oh, you got me," he said. "I guess that slip-up in my Bill-persona about creating open-source software was the give away. I was hoping that baloney I said immediately after would confuse and anger people enough that they wouldn't think too hard about what it really might mean." HUMORIX: "H- H- H- How could you?" was all our reporter managed to get out at first. RMS/BG: "How could I be RMS? or how could I be Bill Gates?" HUMORIX: "Well, both." RMS/BG: "Well, you see. After I got Microsoft off the ground and doing well, I realized it was all a mistake. It was obvious that source wanted to be free and I was the one who had to do it. But by that time I was locked into a corporation and subject to corporate laws. As Bill Gates I simply can't do anything to damage profits for Microsoft: I'd get my arse sued right off. So what was I to do? I had just been leafing through a first-edition Batman comic and decided 'why not me?' - mild mannered multibillionaire by day and crusader for justice the rest of the time. So I created the persona of Richard Stallman and set about creating the GPL and the FSF. RMS/BG: "I really had no other choice. I couldn't attack Microsoft from the inside -- at least not overtly -- so I had to become two people." By this time our reporter had regained his sharp wits. HUMORIX: "You mentioned not attacking Microsoft overtly. Have you been doing anything covertly?" RMS/BG: "Well, what other explanation do you have for Windows?!? It was specifically designed to drive people to use open-source systems. Unfortunately the marketing people got a bit out of control; it was never meant to become so popular and I've spent many nights secretly inserting bugs into the code to try to sabotage the whole operation. (Who else do you think designed the the Blue Screen of Death?) I was very worried I had killed off my own dream of free software for everybody, but people are finally starting to see the light." HUMORIX: "And what will you do now it is all out in the open?" RMS/BG: "Oh drat. I forgot about that. It would be a really big favour if you don't mention this to anyone." Which is why you won't find this story printed in any other publication. We trust our three regular readers to keep their mouths shut! HUMORIX: "One further question, Mr. Stallman, sorry, Mr. Gates, oh, whoever you are! Are you aware of any other people leading a double life like yourself?" RMS/BG: "I have my suspicions about Linus and Steve Jobs. Their protective attitudes to their software babies are _very_ similar. They have been seen together, but that could have been done with professional actors, clever make-up, or some kind of reality distortion field. They are just a bit too antagonistic to eachother to be believed. Meanwhile, Apple's transitioning to BSD looks a bit like a stepping-stone to a fully GPL'd Mac OS using Linux. I'd be checking the public and university records in Finland to see if there ever really was a Linus." -- Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From ezrakanan@yahoo.com Wed May 29 03:37:48 2002 Received: from [IPv6:::ffff:212.100.64.63] ([IPv6:::ffff:212.100.64.63]:4618 "HELO humbolt.nl.linux.org") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Wed, 29 May 2002 03:37:42 +0200 From: "Mr. Erza" Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 18:37:48 To: humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Subject: Ezra MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain;charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Message-Id: <20020529013745Z16791-17451+79@humbolt.nl.linux.org> Return-Path: X-Envelope-To: <"| /bin/marchive -a -m -f /home/majordomo/public_html/humorix/folders/humorix"> (uid 0) X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Original-Recipient: rfc822;humorix-archive@nl.linux.org Dear Sir, I MR. EZRA KOFFI have decided to bestow this trust on you.During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who died on november 1997 in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development. Although personally,I keep this information secret within myself and partners to enable the whole plans and idea be profitable and successful. During the time of execution. The said amount was US$10M(Ten million united states dollars). As it may interest you to know, I got your impressive information through the business directory at chamber of commerce and Industry here in Lome- Togo where I was seaching for a good relaible contact to do the business with.I was elated the time I saw your address to propose the business to you. Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased, get the required approval and transfer this money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist us and also benefit your self to this great business opportunity. In fact I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant,we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the time of transfer because I work in this bank. This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin with affidavit of trust of oath to the Bank and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into on his request as it may be after due verification and larification by the correspondent branch of the bank,where the whole money will be remitted from to your own designation bank account. I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. The sharing rate of this money will be discussed later upon your favourable response showing your zealous determination to assist us but the first priority is your total acceptance and commitment to assist. Please,you have been adviced to keep top secret as we are still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal with you. I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask us to come down to your country for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages previously indicated and further investment,either in your country or any country you advice us to invest in.All other necessary information will be sent to you when I hear from you. Best Regard, MR. EZRA KOFFI.