From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Mar 1 05:54:44 2001 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 1 Mar 2001 05:53:43 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:4619 "HELO smtp05.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 1 Mar 2001 05:53:14 +0100 Received: (qmail 27895 invoked from network); 1 Mar 2001 04:13:54 -0000 Received: from mocape01-85.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.95]) (envelope-sender ) by smtp05.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 1 Mar 2001 04:13:54 -0000 Message-ID: <3A9DCBC0.141927E3@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 28 Feb 2001 22:10:40 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998? Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998? February 28, 2001 It's that time to clear out all of the accumulated stuff from my email inbox that I haven't bothered to respond to since 1998. Keep reading for "Swifties" (no, not "Quickies", that's a Slashdot trademark) about red hats, spam, Word's auto-incorrect feature, and the ultimate video game controller. * Red Hats And Earthquakes Kit L. Lo writes, When I was reading the NY Times, I saw a picture of the Pope installing new cardinals in Vatican City. Question: Does Red Hat have anything to do with giving away red hats to the newly installed cardinals? Does Linux have a place in the Vatican (well, the Vatican web site uses Tru64)? I don't know the answer to that question. In related news, a major earthquake struck the Seattle area right in the middle of a Bill Gates speech about the innovative new features of Windows XP. Coincidence? I think not. * Scams And Spams Recently, my inbox has been filling to the brim with the following piece of spam: Dear Windows User, Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows ME, 95 and 98 to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000, Microsoft's professional and industrial version of Windows (sic). The new WinFix 4.4 is a very effective way to improve the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows fault-tolerant and self-repairing. And WinFix is very safe, because it operates completely independent of Windows. After I stopped ROTFL, I dispatched the Vast Spy Network(tm) to do a little research on the company promoting this gimmick. The results? "WinFix 4.4" is a distribution of Linux. But you already guessed that, right? * The Paperclip Did It Bernhard Rosenkraenzer sent this item: Tech pundits were shocked earlier today when Microsoft issued a press release entitled "Windows XP Can't Beat Linux". The article, however, was far less interesting. It merely rambled about the increasing progress and "innovation" of Windows, without mentioning Linux at all. At first many readers suspected that Microsoft was merely Linux-baiting to draw more attention to their otherwise vapid press release. However, one should never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by Microsoft software flaws. In this case, we have learned that a bug in Microsoft's Word spellchecker auto-corrected the title "Windows XP, CE, NT beat Linux" without prompting the user. Microsoft officials were not available for comment. * Another Millisecond, Another Bluescreen Joke I usually ignore email from Hotmail that arrives with an image attachment in Windows Bitmap format. However, the following image, sent in by "Meep!" was too good to pass up. Let's just be thankful that The GIMP can handle .bmp graphics, saving me from booting into Windows (Or did I format that partition to free up more space?) and experiencing yet another bluescreen. Download the image from: http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/feb01-xbox.png - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Mar 11 05:32:47 2001 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 11 Mar 2001 05:31:49 +0100 Received: from [24.93.35.225] ([24.93.35.225]:13840 "EHLO mail.houston.rr.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 11 Mar 2001 05:31:16 +0100 Received: from mail pickup service by mail.houston.rr.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC; Sat, 10 Mar 2001 22:21:36 -0600 Received: from sm3.texas.rr.com ([24.93.35.210]) by mail.houston.rr.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.5.1877.537.53); Wed, 28 Feb 2001 22:56:16 -0600 Received: from bigfoot.com (bflitemail6.bigfoot.com [208.156.39.208]) by sm3.texas.rr.com (8.11.0/8.11.1) with SMTP id f214uGw27033 for ; Wed, 28 Feb 2001 22:56:16 -0600 Received: from fjordland.nl.linux.org ([131.211.28.101]) by BFLITEMAIL4.bigfoot.com (LiteMail v3.00(BFLITEMAIL4)) with SMTP id 28Feb2001_BFLITEMAIL4_3675_115262021; Thu, 01 Mar 2001 00:07:08 -0500 EST Received: from humbolt.nl.linux.org ([131.211.28.48]:59760 "EHLO humbolt.nl.linux.org") by fjordland.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 1 Mar 2001 06:02:20 +0100 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 1 Mar 2001 05:53:43 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:4619 "HELO smtp05.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 1 Mar 2001 05:53:14 +0100 Received: (qmail 27895 invoked from network); 1 Mar 2001 04:13:54 -0000 Received: from mocape01-85.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.95]) (envelope-sender ) by smtp05.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 1 Mar 2001 04:13:54 -0000 Message-ID: <3A9DCBC0.141927E3@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 28 Feb 2001 22:10:40 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998? Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998? February 28, 2001 It's that time to clear out all of the accumulated stuff from my email inbox that I haven't bothered to respond to since 1998. Keep reading for "Swifties" (no, not "Quickies", that's a Slashdot trademark) about red hats, spam, Word's auto-incorrect feature, and the ultimate video game controller. * Red Hats And Earthquakes Kit L. Lo writes, When I was reading the NY Times, I saw a picture of the Pope installing new cardinals in Vatican City. Question: Does Red Hat have anything to do with giving away red hats to the newly installed cardinals? Does Linux have a place in the Vatican (well, the Vatican web site uses Tru64)? I don't know the answer to that question. In related news, a major earthquake struck the Seattle area right in the middle of a Bill Gates speech about the innovative new features of Windows XP. Coincidence? I think not. * Scams And Spams Recently, my inbox has been filling to the brim with the following piece of spam: Dear Windows User, Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows ME, 95 and 98 to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000, Microsoft's professional and industrial version of Windows (sic). The new WinFix 4.4 is a very effective way to improve the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows fault-tolerant and self-repairing. And WinFix is very safe, because it operates completely independent of Windows. After I stopped ROTFL, I dispatched the Vast Spy Network(tm) to do a little research on the company promoting this gimmick. The results? "WinFix 4.4" is a distribution of Linux. But you already guessed that, right? * The Paperclip Did It Bernhard Rosenkraenzer sent this item: Tech pundits were shocked earlier today when Microsoft issued a press release entitled "Windows XP Can't Beat Linux". The article, however, was far less interesting. It merely rambled about the increasing progress and "innovation" of Windows, without mentioning Linux at all. At first many readers suspected that Microsoft was merely Linux-baiting to draw more attention to their otherwise vapid press release. However, one should never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by Microsoft software flaws. In this case, we have learned that a bug in Microsoft's Word spellchecker auto-corrected the title "Windows XP, CE, NT beat Linux" without prompting the user. Microsoft officials were not available for comment. * Another Millisecond, Another Bluescreen Joke I usually ignore email from Hotmail that arrives with an image attachment in Windows Bitmap format. However, the following image, sent in by "Meep!" was too good to pass up. Let's just be thankful that The GIMP can handle .bmp graphics, saving me from booting into Windows (Or did I format that partition to free up more space?) and experiencing yet another bluescreen. Download the image from: http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/feb01-xbox.png - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sat Mar 31 05:50:24 2001 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sat, 31 Mar 2001 05:49:25 +0200 Received: from bob.newdream.net ([216.246.18.32]:46421 "EHLO bob.newdream.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sat, 31 Mar 2001 05:48:50 +0200 Received: (from nobody@localhost) by bob.newdream.net (8.9.3/8.9.3/Debian/GNU) id TAA18695; Fri, 30 Mar 2001 19:31:32 -0800 Date: Fri, 30 Mar 2001 19:31:32 -0800 Message-Id: <200103310331.TAA18695@bob.newdream.net> From: James Baughn To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Panic! We Have Nothing Planned For April Fool's Day! Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- Panic! We Have Nothing Planned For April Fool's Day! March 30, 2001 We now take you live to the Bored Room at Humorix World Headquarters where a heated discussion is unfolding... JAMES BAUGHN: Dammit, folks, we're only hours away from the number one holiday for humor publications, and we've got nothing! We blew it last year and I will not tolerate another April Fool's Day that doesn't feature any fooling. JON SPLATZ: Oh come on! April Fool's Day is obviously a creation of evil, heartless lawyers. Think about it. Lots of people play practical jokes on other people on April 1st. You know what happens when practical jokes go awry? Lawsuits! When it comes to pranks and mischief, the people who always get the last laugh (and padded bank accounts) are lawyers. NOAH MORALS: You know what Splatz, as a lawyer I am getting so fed up with your Lawyerclysm hysteria that I'm seriously considering launching a Denial Of Life attack against you by filing hundreds or thousands of pointless lawsuits against you. You'll spend all your time fighting frivolous libel lawsuits that you won't have a life. Not that you have one now, Mr. Pundit and Social Commentator That Couldn't Even Get Hired At Ziff-Davis. SPLATZ: Don't mess with me, Noah. I'm in a horrible mood after a stray piece of Mir landed on Humorixia last week and wiped out the bronze statue of me, the Benevolent Dictator of Humorixia. BAUGHN: Whatever. Will you guys quit flaming each other? This is serious business. No humor publication in the history of humor publishing has ever let April Fool's Day pass without a good April fool. We need to do something fast. Maybe we should look at what other people are planning. What's the latest scoop from the Vast Spy Network(tm)? DOUBLE-OH-ZERO (Spy-In-Chief): Uh, well, to be honest the boys and I have been so busy constructing our new Vast Music Distribution Network(R) to take the place of Napster that we haven't had time to do any spying. BAUGHN: Aw, geez. What kind of outfit is this? You'd think Humorix was some kind of pathetic, no-budget operation based in a dilapidated outhouse in the Ozarks! DOUBLE-OH-ZERO: Sheesh! We all know that the Vast Spy Network(tm) was invented for the sole reason to put lots of (tm) and (R) symbols throughout our fake news articles, while providing lots of golden opportunities for meta-meta-meta-humor. DANCES WITH HERRING: Hey, over here! Humorix hired me as an investigative reporter... and I'm here to report my investigations if you all would quit ignoring me. I've uncovered the details on several upcoming April Fool's Day gags. First, Linus Torvalds will announce that he's quitting kernel development so he can spend more time forking off child processes -- er, I mean, building a family. Second, Slashdot will become assimilated by a certain large for-profit religious organization that starts with the letter "S". Finally, Microsoft will embrace Open Source. They will hold a huge promotional event in which Bill Gates stands on a street corner and starts handing out CDs "containing the source code to Windows 2000". Of course, those CDs will contain nothing more than the Visual Basic code for Solitaire. BAUGHN: Wow, those could be hard to compete with. Still, we've gotta come up with something. DANCES: Why couldn't we pretend that we have to shut down our site because of a pending lawsuit filed by some large evil organization? MORALS: What do you mean by "pretend"? We _have_ been sued by a large evil organzitation -- a certain for-profit religious organization that starts with the letter "S". BAUGHN: The "Second Church Of Bubba" in Muncie, Indiana. Yeah, I know. They claim that Humorix violates the trademark of their sacred book, "Limericks & Humoricks", which apparently is the recorded dialogue of the jokes that the Great Prophet Bubba told to this Intoxicated Disciples. Or something like that. DANCES: Okay, so maybe that idea won't work. I have another plan, though. Why couldn't we pretend to transform Humorix into a serious Linux publication that only prints "real news"? SPLATZ: That won't work. We have enough trouble fabricating fake news. How the heck are we going to generate real news? Besides, I still don't understand what's so great about April Fool's Day anyway. Not only is it a conspiracy by lawyers, but it's also the first steps towards the "Absurdiclysm", a point in time in which society devolves into a state of silly nonsensical absurdity. It's already struck California. We need to boycott April Fool's Day before it consumes society. The time for action is now! We must take a stand. We must fight absurdity on the beaches... BAUGHN: Splatz! You're coredumping again. SPLATZ: Uh... yeah, sorry about that. DANCES: I've got it! We can pretend that Humorix has a mole buried deep within the bowels of Microsoft, secretly plotting worldwide Linux acceptance and bringing down the place from the inside! The leaked Halloweem memos, the rigged demo in the anti-trust trial, the recent plummet in MSFT stock price... it's all been orchestrated by our plant. His name is Steve Ballmer! BAUGHN: That's not much of an April Fool's Day gag. Well, we all know Steve Ballmer _is_ an April Fool. But otherwise I don't see this going anywhere because nobody will believe it. MORALS: Well, this whole board meeting isn't going anywhere either. I say we just forget about April Fool's Day and instead worry about August Fool's Day, a holiday I just invented. We could slap a trademark and patent on this new holiday and then reap the royalty checks every time somebody plays a prank on August 1st. BAUGHN: I like it! The best part is that we don't have to come up with our own Fool's Day gag until August 1st. As I've always said, the best plans are those that involve procrastination. Let's do it. ................................................................ This is a test. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/