From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Dec 10 04:26:58 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 04:25:59 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:20185 "HELO smtp04.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 04:25:21 +0100 Received: (qmail 14331 invoked from network); 10 Dec 2000 03:25:14 -0000 Received: from mocape01-195.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.205]) (envelope-sender ) by 10.209.20.34 (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 10 Dec 2000 03:25:14 -0000 Message-ID: <3A32F71E.44404270@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 09 Dec 2000 21:23:10 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit! December 9, 2000 REDMOND, WA -- In a move that could yield billions of dollars (as if they need it), Microsoft is claiming that each and every bug in Windows is protected by copyright. Squadron C of the Microsoft Briefcase Commando Unit has already deployed a series of lawsuits against rival companies. "Macintosh systems contain bugs that cause the system to crash," explained Microsoft PR Handler #562. "And so does Windows. However, _our_ bugs are protected by copyrights and patents. We were the first to innovate bug-ridden, crash-prone operating systems. Apple is infringing on our property, plain and simple!" Well, it doesn't seem that plain and simple to this Humorix reporter. Apparently Microsoft wants other companies to pay royalties because of flaws in Microsoft's own products. What a racket! Linux is also a possible target in the new Microsoft legal strategy. One anonymous source informed us, "Microsoft will claim that Linux's kernel panic errors are 'substantially similar' to the 'look and feel' of the Blue Screen of Death. They don't have a leg to stand on. But then again, what with the wackiness down in Florida, all bets are off when it comes to the courts." If Microsoft's lawyers are successful in court, then this strategy of "turning-flaws-into-gold" could make the world's richest man even richer. "Recent studies show that productivity in the tech workplace is decreasing," explained a pundit. "Why? Well, because of Windows, of course. There's all kinds of bugs and 'intermittent issues' that Microsoft could milk. For example, just look at the horrible memory management in Windows, and compare it to the even more horrible memory management in Mozilla. Can you say 'lawsuit?'. I knew you could." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Tue Dec 12 16:18:39 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Tue, 12 Dec 2000 16:17:38 +0100 Received: from brutus.conectiva.com.br ([200.250.58.146]:47349 "EHLO brutus.conectiva.com.br") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 12 Dec 2000 16:17:11 +0100 Received: from localhost (riel@localhost) by brutus.conectiva.com.br (8.11.1/8.11.1) with ESMTP id eBCFH2T03712 for ; Tue, 12 Dec 2000 13:17:02 -0200 X-Authentication-Warning: duckman.distro.conectiva: riel owned process doing -bs Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2000 13:17:02 -0200 (BRDT) From: Rik van Riel X-Sender: riel@duckman.distro.conectiva To: humorix@nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] (offtopic?) BUSH BLASTS CLAUS RECOUNT Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- ----- Forwarded message from Charles E Leiserson Jr ----- X-Mailer: exmh version 2.1.1 10/15/1999 To: humor@MIT.EDU Subject: HUMOR: BUSH BLASTS CLAUS RECOUNT Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2000 22:18:34 -0500 From: Charles E Leiserson Jr AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats." Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole." "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing." Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said. Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a Spokes-elf said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly." A weary nation can relate. Be seeing you, - Ricky ----- End forwarded message ----- - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Dec 14 05:44:20 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 14 Dec 2000 05:43:21 +0100 Received: from femail1.sdc1.sfba.home.com ([24.0.95.81]:16294 "EHLO femail1.sdc1.sfba.home.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 14 Dec 2000 05:42:49 +0100 Received: from c197529-a ([65.4.31.34]) by femail1.sdc1.sfba.home.com (InterMail vM.4.01.03.00 201-229-121) with SMTP id <20001214044224.GXHB17226.femail1.sdc1.sfba.home.com@c197529-a> for ; Wed, 13 Dec 2000 20:42:24 -0800 Message-ID: <001b01c06588$4fe8fa40$221f0441@c197529-a.bllvu1.wa.home.com> From: "Joan Brewer" To: Subject: Re: [humorix] BILL GATES IS DEAD... (a hurmoix ver?) Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 20:42:48 -0800 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- I love this Christmas story. That is about as good as the Caucus Race and Long Tale from Alice in Wonderland. Isn't what this list is all about. Now we get to have the Lion and the Unicorn. This was recently published in a media article and I took a look. I was laugh pretty hard. I remember the first bogus PR written by someone about Gates buying the Vatican and how crazy the PR people at Microsoft got--some of whom I'm actually aquatinted with--like Ballmer wife Connie. Now that is humorous! :-) All I could think of is what kind of craziness was going on over there and when the lawyer are going to jump on these guys. But I have a different view here. These people all seem crazy to me--like something out of a comic book. :-) Check it out. This is by the people who did the movie the Blair Witch Project (I didn't see it.) This is a pretty impressive deal. But it's so damn funny if you have been doing bogus stuff like this for years. http://www.macarthurpark.com/ They are even linking to real pages. It's so weird... :-) They are playing Revenge of the Nerds on the Comedy Central and another movie called Crash and Burn (i think) about hackers. But my favorite is Revenge of the Nerds III. :-) Makes me wonder. :-) Now we have a dyslexic President who is braindead about technology and a war monger for VP. Super Cool! I beg the question here. Is this good clean fun for the masses? Or is this more Nerd Bashing. Enquiring minds want to know. :-) Joan Brewer -- joanbrewer@home.com Top bashed female Nerd with a wheelchair to prove it! Reality is stranger than fiction. -----Original Message----- From: Rik van Riel To: humorix@humbolt.nl.linux.org Date: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 7:28 AM Subject: [humorix] (offtopic?) BUSH BLASTS CLAUS RECOUNT |---- |Warning: humorous content ahead. |To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please |take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... |---- | | |----- Forwarded message from Charles E Leiserson Jr ----- | |X-Mailer: exmh version 2.1.1 10/15/1999 |To: humor@MIT.EDU |Subject: HUMOR: BUSH BLASTS CLAUS RECOUNT |Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2000 22:18:34 -0500 |From: Charles E Leiserson Jr | |AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit |in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list |and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction |against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his |traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one |additional time before packing his sleigh. | |The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a |federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive |and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as |submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary |modification." | |"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's |totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? |This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," |said former Secretary James Baker. | |Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing |all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' |instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats." | |Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted |what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole." | |"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just |walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or |nothing." | |Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to |St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and |quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They |demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already |selected a name for the pony she's asked for. | |The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with |plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The |"Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. | |"We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said. | |Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a Spokes-elf said he was |"deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. | |"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the |spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly." | |A weary nation can relate. | | | Be seeing you, | - Ricky | | | |----- End forwarded message ----- | |- |Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note |Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ |Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ | - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Dec 14 13:40:03 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 14 Dec 2000 13:39:03 +0100 Received: from [202.84.12.155] ([202.84.12.155]:28311 "HELO hongkong.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 14 Dec 2000 13:38:25 +0100 Received: from hongkong.com([10.1.0.100]) by hongkong.com(JetMail 2.5.3.0) with SMTP id jm183a38fcb7; Thu, 14 Dec 2000 12:32:44 -0000 Received: from fjordland.nl.linux.org([131.211.28.101]) by hongkong.com(JetMail 2.5.3.0) with SMTP id jm03a34251b; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 17:52:19 -0000 Received: from humbolt.nl.linux.org ([131.211.28.48]:49680 "EHLO humbolt.nl.linux.org") by fjordland.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 04:33:21 +0100 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 04:25:59 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:20185 "HELO smtp04.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 10 Dec 2000 04:25:21 +0100 Received: (qmail 14331 invoked from network); 10 Dec 2000 03:25:14 -0000 Received: from mocape01-195.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.205]) (envelope-sender ) by 10.209.20.34 (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 10 Dec 2000 03:25:14 -0000 Message-ID: <3A32F71E.44404270@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 09 Dec 2000 21:23:10 -0600 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Auto-Forward: nightowl@netvigator.com Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit! December 9, 2000 REDMOND, WA -- In a move that could yield billions of dollars (as if they need it), Microsoft is claiming that each and every bug in Windows is protected by copyright. Squadron C of the Microsoft Briefcase Commando Unit has already deployed a series of lawsuits against rival companies. "Macintosh systems contain bugs that cause the system to crash," explained Microsoft PR Handler #562. "And so does Windows. However, _our_ bugs are protected by copyrights and patents. We were the first to innovate bug-ridden, crash-prone operating systems. Apple is infringing on our property, plain and simple!" Well, it doesn't seem that plain and simple to this Humorix reporter. Apparently Microsoft wants other companies to pay royalties because of flaws in Microsoft's own products. What a racket! Linux is also a possible target in the new Microsoft legal strategy. One anonymous source informed us, "Microsoft will claim that Linux's kernel panic errors are 'substantially similar' to the 'look and feel' of the Blue Screen of Death. They don't have a leg to stand on. But then again, what with the wackiness down in Florida, all bets are off when it comes to the courts." If Microsoft's lawyers are successful in court, then this strategy of "turning-flaws-into-gold" could make the world's richest man even richer. "Recent studies show that productivity in the tech workplace is decreasing," explained a pundit. "Why? Well, because of Windows, of course. There's all kinds of bugs and 'intermittent issues' that Microsoft could milk. For example, just look at the horrible memory management in Windows, and compare it to the even more horrible memory management in Mozilla. Can you say 'lawsuit?'. I knew you could." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Dec 17 21:16:35 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 17 Dec 2000 21:14:11 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:44206 "HELO smtp06.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 17 Dec 2000 21:13:23 +0100 Received: (qmail 5701 invoked from network); 17 Dec 2000 20:12:23 -0000 Received: from mocape01-121.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.131]) (envelope-sender ) by 10.209.20.36 (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 17 Dec 2000 20:12:23 -0000 Message-ID: <3A3D1B6C.1C72F95B@ldd.net> Date: Sun, 17 Dec 2000 14:00:44 -0600 From: James Baughn X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.35 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Humorix Holiday Gift Guide 2000 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- Humorix Holiday Gift Guide 2000 December 17, 2000 It's time again for Humorix's guide to gifts for the geek that has everything. We realize that this guide is a little late in coming -- Christmas is just over a week away -- but since most people procrastinate when buying gifts anyways, we don't think it's a big problem. After all, our own Jon Splatz has procrastinated for over a year -- he's still buying gifts for Christmas 1999. * AbsoluteZero(tm) Cryogenic Refrigerator $29,999.95 for economy model at Cryo-Me-A-River, Inc. The pundits have been hyping new technology allowing your home appliances to have Internet access. Most people aren't too keen with the thought of their refrigerator sharing an IP address with their can opener. But with the new AbsoluteZero(tm) Refrigerator, that might change. This is not a fridge for your food -- it's a fridge for your overclocked, overheating CPU. You stick your computer inside, bolt the door shut, turn the temperature down to 5 degrees Kelvin, and you've got the perfect environment for accelerating your CPU to 1 Terahertz or more. This cryogenic cooling system may not actually reach absolute zero, but it comes mighty close. Unfortunately, the AbsoluteZero(tm) is the size of a small house, consumes a constant stream of liquid nitrogen, and requires it's own nuclear reactor (not included). But that's a small price to pay for the ability to play Quake 3 at 100,000 frames per second. * Hearing Un-aid US$129.95 at The Fuzzier Projection Co. It's a scene we can all identify with: you're at a boring company meeting, trying to read the latest Slashdot headlines on your PalmPilot, but you can't concentrate because the PHB is rambling in a loud, booming voice about e-infomediary-substrategic-paradigms and meta-content-aggregation-relationship-corridors. With the Hearing Un-aid(tm), you can put a stop to incessant buzzword-speak by your boss. Unlike a hearing aid, which amplifies sound, the Hearing Un-aid dampens noise, so you can easily tune out the board meeting and instead focus on something far more important, such as downloading Humorix stories. If you happen to miss something important (yeah, right) and your boss accuses you of not paying attention, you can simply point to your hearing "aid" and respond, "What was that? I couldn't hear you because of my temporary hearing loss." * Bluescreen Computer Case US$27.97 at Bud's Beige Box Bazaar Real Geeks may not admit to using Windows, but there's still countless geeks out there who must suffer through the humiliation of using Windows while at work. The patent-not-pending Bluescreen Case, though, will ease the stress of working with Microsoft "solutions". This computer case is very similar to other beige boxes, but with one important difference: the reboot button is covered with a picture of Bill Gates. When the machine bluescreens for the millionth time, all you have to do is punch Bill Gates in the face as hard as you can, and the computer will restart. This provides invaluable therapeutic stress relief. * Bob's Map to the Homes of the Rich & Geeky US$29.95 at BobsEcommerceSite.com Hollywood is full of shady street-side vendors selling "maps to the homes of the rich and famous" that are actually photocopies of photocopies of photocopies of an old 1984 Rand McNally map. But what about the Bay Area? Wouldn't you like to visit the homes and driveways of the rich and geeky in Silicon Valley? Wouldn't you like to see Linus Torvalds' residence? Wouldn't you like to drive by the home of permanent-interim-CEO Steve Jobs? Wouldn't you like to spit on the driveway of Bill Gates? Well, now you can. Bob's Map to the Homes of the Rich & Geeky is a full-color 128 page atlas filled with detailed instructions for finding the homes of 1,024 of the world's most famous geeks. From San Jose, to Seattle, to Austin, to Boston, Bob's Map is your passport to gawk at the homes of the rich and geeky. * Dial-A-Detective $499.95/year; 1-888-BYE-SPAM This detective firm is not what you'd expect. Instead of tracking murderers or unfaithful husbands, this band of rogue private investigators goes after something just as sinister -- spammers. For a modest annual retainer fee, these spam detectives will track down the source of every piece of spam you receive. Using the latest in forensic technology, they will bring you the virtual scalp of the spammer -- their name, home address, social-security number, and, more importantly, credit card numbers. At this point you are free to pursue the evil spammer as you see fit. If your friend or relative is sick of receiving wave after wave of "Find Out Anything About Anyone" spams, give them a subscription to Dial-A-Detective, and they'll find out anything about any spammer -- for real. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Dec 21 17:29:26 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 21 Dec 2000 17:27:33 +0100 Received: from brutus.conectiva.com.br ([200.250.58.146]:7678 "EHLO brutus.conectiva.com.br") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Thu, 21 Dec 2000 17:27:04 +0100 Received: from localhost (riel@localhost) by brutus.conectiva.com.br (8.11.1/8.11.1) with ESMTP id eBLGQWZ14859 for ; Thu, 21 Dec 2000 14:26:32 -0200 X-Authentication-Warning: duckman.distro.conectiva: riel owned process doing -bs Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000 14:26:32 -0200 (BRDT) From: Rik van Riel X-Sender: riel@duckman.distro.conectiva To: humorix@nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Yesterday Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- Found this song in another mailing list... -------------------------------- YESTERDAY Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sat Dec 23 00:11:24 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sat, 23 Dec 2000 00:08:47 +0100 Received: from SMTP-OUT003.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.73]:34280 "HELO smtp05.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sat, 23 Dec 2000 00:07:57 +0100 Received: (qmail 12460 invoked from network); 22 Dec 2000 16:43:18 -0000 Received: from mocape01-134.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.144]) (envelope-sender ) by 10.209.20.35 (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 22 Dec 2000 16:43:18 -0000 Message-ID: <3A437406.32F1BF4F@ldd.net> Date: Fri, 22 Dec 2000 09:32:22 -0600 From: James Baughn X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.35 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] No, Virginia, There Isn't A Linus Torvalds Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix-l@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list ---- Warning: humorous content ahead. To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org... ---- No, Virginia, There Isn't A Linus Torvalds December 22, 2000 [Editor's Note: Our Vast Spy Network(tm) intercepted a copy of the next issue of "Microsoft Magazine", which contains this disturbing letter to the editor.] Dear Microsoft Magazine -- I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Linus Torvalds. Papa says, "If you see it in Microsoft Magazine, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Linus Torvalds? Signed, Virginia Higganbotham Microsoft PR Handler #347 responds: Virginia, your little friends are right. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. And rightfully so. It's all a conspiracy. Let's think about this for a minute. We're supposed to believe that one jolly old elf from near the Arctic Circle (Finland) is responsible for delivering toys (an operating system) for good children (and adults) throughout the world. Yeah, right. How can one person do all of that? Look at Apple -- they can hire as many of the best people that money can buy -- and yet they still can't produce a decent, stable operating system on their own. Now, you might ask, what about helpers? Surely Linus isn't the only one that codes, debugs, mananges, distributes, designs, plans, and implements? Oh, come on. If single-handedly producing your own operating system is hard, then single-handedly managing a whole herd of independent developers to produce your own operating system would be just as hard! It's all a conspiracy. "Linus" is just a figure-head. In reality, there's nearly 512 Linuses running around, all clones of the original. It's all part of the Helsinkian Undergound[1], a byzantine maze of elaborate conspiracies-within-conspiracies designed to infect their booby-trapped operating system throughout the world. The purpose? Well, duh. Don't you watch movies and TV? You should know -- every conspiracy has one and only one purpose: world domination. Just ask Senator Fattecat (R-Washington). He's been campaigning against the Finnish Conspiracy for the past year, pointing out back doors in the so-called "Linux" operating system that could be used to conquer the US[2]. Unfortunately, Fattecat was not re-elected. I have it on good authority that his opponent is a Finnish operative. But it doesn't matter. The truth shall be revealed, and the evil conspirators will be expunged. Linus does not exist -- but an evil army of cloned Linuses bent on conquest really do exist. So, little Virginia, please remember to boycott Linux, and only use Microsoft Windows. It's the American way. [1] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/jan00.shtml#Finland-Conspiracy [2] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/jan00.shtml#Finland-Ban - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/