From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Wed Aug 2 21:18:40 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Wed, 2 Aug 2000 21:17:12 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:32857 "HELO mail003.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Wed, 2 Aug 2000 21:16:35 +0200 Received: (qmail 21170 invoked from network); 2 Aug 2000 19:16:26 -0000 Received: from mocape01-198.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.208]) (envelope-sender ) by mail003.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 2 Aug 2000 19:16:26 -0000 Message-ID: <39885F5D.137897D2@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 02 Aug 2000 12:50:21 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: http://i-want-a-website.com X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] DeCSS T-Shirt Used To Commit Piracy! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list DeCSS T-Shirt Used To Commit Piracy! August 2, 2000 ABILENE, TX -- College student Cody Potter stunned the world yesterday when he used a T-shirt with the printed DeCSS source code to illegally copy a DVD of "Star Trek XXI: We Promise This Is The Last One". Well, it wasn't the actual DeCSS source code. The shirt contained a Perl script which spits out a bash shell script which produces a GW-BASIC program which outputs a ROT13-encoded Python script that manufactures a Pig-Latin-encoded Java program that finally produces the real DeCSS C source code when executed. It seems amusing that Cody went to all that trouble to obtain a copy of DeCSS when he could've simply found one in the shadier parts of the Internet. Heck, you can get the source code right here from Humorix (just don't tell anyone from the MPAA, okay?). Simply take all of the capitalized letters in this article, apply ROT13 to them, and XOR each character in turn with all of the capitalized letters in the previous article. The first 53 characters from this set will give you the URL for a Sanskrit webpage that contains the link and password (hidden in the HTML source code) to an FTP site in Latvia where the actual DeCSS source code can be found. The programmer who created DeCSS was in a state of disbelief after word spread of Cody's actions. "WTF? You mean somebody actually used my code to pirate something? I can't believe it," exclaimed the Scandinavian hacker from his jail cell in the maximum-security prison jointly operated by the MPAA and RIAA in California. "DeCSS is strictly for playing DVDs on Linux boxes. If you want to pirate something, go get one of those MPAA-approved players that contain piracy-enabling Easter Eggs. I don't know why anybody would use DeCSS to make illegal copies of something -- this Cody guy must be an idiot. Or he's on the MPAA payroll. But I repeat myself." Some conspiracy theorists have already theorized conspiracies. "It's obvious Cody Potter was paid by the MPAA to do this," one stammered. "Before today, their case had more holes in it than Windows security. But now they can actually point to somebody who really used DeCSS to pirate a DVD. How convenient." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Aug 3 22:19:30 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 3 Aug 2000 22:18:10 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:23308 "HELO mail012.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 3 Aug 2000 22:17:37 +0200 Received: (qmail 14882 invoked from network); 3 Aug 2000 20:17:22 -0000 Received: from mocape01-151.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.161]) (envelope-sender ) by mail012.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 3 Aug 2000 20:17:22 -0000 Message-ID: <3989D403.5DBE259@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2000 15:20:19 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: The Cape Rock X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Microsoft Acquires Open Source Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Microsoft Acquires Open Source Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, bero@redhat.de August 3, 2000 REDMOND, WA -- Last year Microsoft published an updated End-User License Agreement known as the Microsoft GPL, or Grossly Private License. Under the GPL, Microsoft disclaimed all responsibility for flaws in their software since their corporate goal isn't to produce stable, reliable software, but to make money. Earlier today Microsoft quietly released an updated version 3 of this license. The wording of this license is virtually identical to previous versions, but it is printed on nicer paper that contains a holographic image of Bill Gates and the phrase "Freedom To Innovate". Analysts were quick to point out that the lack of substance in this upgrade is eerily similar to the lack of substance in the upcoming Windows Millennium upgrade (or, for that matter, Windows 98 and its Second Edition). "This is just common Microsoft practice," said one observer. While investigating this new GPL version, Our Vast Spy Network(tm) uncovered the fact that many Microsoft employees have been downloading large numbers of GPLed Linux applications. Our lawyer, Noah Morals, confronted Microsoft's legal department with this finding, to which they replied: Dear Valued Customer #19,344,643 (Mr. Noah Morals), It is indeed true that the packages we are using in our new product, Microsoft Windows RUNT (Really Universal New Technology), such as the Linux kernel, are accompanied by a copy of the GNU GPL. However, these packages clearly state that they are intended to be distributed under the "GPL version 2 or later". Since there is no such thing as a later GNU GPL, we have every right to assume this means the authors want to dual-license their code under the GNU GPL version 2 and the Microsoft GPL version 3. Clearly this is a logical assumption, as only Communistic freaks would lock up their software under the draconian restrictions of the GNU GPL 2. As a result, we are not legally required to release the source code to any part of Microsoft Windows RUNT or any other innovative Microsoft solution containing GPL code that we have stolen... er, downloaded. So there. Sincerely, Christopher A. Pitalist Chairman, Microsoft Legal Department 10934 of 13201 Assistant, Microsoft Legal Department Richard Stallman, author of the original GNU GPL, was not available for an official comment, however, an informant notified the Vast Spy Network(tm) that he overheard RMS shouting, "Dammit, that's Microsoft GNU/Windows RUNT!" Apparently this outburst was audible within a ten mile radius of RMS's living quarters in Boston, MA. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Aug 3 23:25:02 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 3 Aug 2000 23:23:40 +0200 Received: from c014-h023.c014.sfo.cp.net ([209.228.12.87]:56455 "HELO c014.sfo.cp.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 3 Aug 2000 23:23:19 +0200 Received: (cpmta 11845 invoked from network); 3 Aug 2000 14:23:08 -0700 Received: from sea2-68.transport.com (HELO pavilion) (209.222.131.131) by smtp.transport.com with SMTP; 3 Aug 2000 14:23:08 -0700 X-Sent: 3 Aug 2000 21:23:08 GMT Message-ID: <002701bffd2c$4edf2b20$8583ded1@pavilion> From: "Pegasus" To: Subject: Re: [humorix] Microsoft Acquires Open Source Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 02:22:11 -0700 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Today I received a notice from Microsoft regarding online Seminars. The first listing was: "IMPORTANT INFORMATION 1. Microsoft® Open License version 5.0 Join us for an overview of what Open License is, and how Open License can benefit your organization http://www.microsoft.com/Seminar/1033/20000727LICENSELB1/Seminar.htm" Leann BAGly (Bag Lady?) It's a kick! I notice they were using really LOW res Graphics. That at least made it work. This is a very funny rap... !!! You need to hear the license. This is really sad... REALLY SAD! These PEOPLE are totally INSANE! You don't get any software, support or manuals. You are just buying a license and you have to buy at least 5 license... So what are they selling their name Microsoft? Or more of Bill Gates' innovations? Then I saw the next one... 2. Microsoft® Windows® 2000 Security Architecture Explore enterprise single sign-on within Windows 2000 Security Architecture. Plus integration, security provider architecture, and the public key security components. Finally, the encrypting file system, network data protection, and security policy. http://www.microsoft.com/Seminar/1033/20000713W2KSecurePB1/Seminar.htm Now this was even funnier. One of the first things that he says is that he isn't going to address the math or other technical details... Good. The multimedia part of this so called online Seminar didn't work... largely due to the math problems inherent in Windows software! :-) It was a good demonstration of how really truly bad their NEW Media Player 7 is. These folks need to go on the TV show Survivor! By the time you listen to this bull you feel like your brain is going to devolve and flow out your ears. They actually have a point value for pools of license. Open Volume? Given the errors in their math programs you better use a calculator to count your points. J~ - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sat Aug 5 20:19:49 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sat, 5 Aug 2000 20:18:29 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:56332 "HELO mail019.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sat, 5 Aug 2000 20:18:05 +0200 Received: (qmail 23372 invoked from network); 5 Aug 2000 18:17:43 -0000 Received: from mocape01-257.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.22.17]) (envelope-sender ) by mail019.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 5 Aug 2000 18:17:43 -0000 Message-ID: <398C4482.7D1767BC@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 05 Aug 2000 11:44:50 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Humorix Intercepts GNUist Memo Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Humorix Intercepts GNUist Memo By Comrade Penguin August 5, 2000 Regular Humorix readers (now there's an oxymoron) have probably been following the unfolding interdimensional GNUist plot, no doubt asking themselves, "Just what the heck is this all about? And how is this GNUist saga supposed to fit into the Humorixia storyline? Can't these idiots keep track of their own plot threads and in-jokes?" Well, we can't answer those questions at this time because, we... um, well we haven't made up the answers yet. For now, the GNUist storyline continues with this memo that our Vast Spy Network(tm) intercepted earlier today. === Memo from the Desk of the Benevolent Dictator of the Union of Penguinitic GNUist Republics (UPGR) 800 Alan Cox Way, Linusgrad, UPGR Our darkest days are upon us. Our spies have just uncovered a massive plot against us. Our enemies plan to arrest key members of the GNUist Party and lock them away for life for conspiring against the government. Without these members, I fear we are doomed. The success of Open Source' Manifest Destiny relies on our ability to obliterate major closed source players in this dimension. We need Linus... we need Cox... we need ESR, RMS, Young, Ewing, Malda, etc. Heck, we even need losers like Baughn. We are depending on these people to propogate OSS and ensure that success of the GNUist Revolution worldwide. However, powerful forces continue to push for closed source software. These range from tech pundits... [cough!] Berst [cough!]... to US Congressmen... [cough!] Fattecat [cough!]. The Powers That Be are in the process of shutting down something called "Napster", some kind of peer-to-peer network. Obviously these enemies have the judicial power to cripple wide-area communications such as our own GNU-Net. We fear that some of our agents have already been captured. Mr. Adair has probably already been imprisoned for attempted jaywalking, or some other pretense, and we worry that RMS could be imprisoned for his politically incorrect beliefs. We must take up arms now or face defeat. His Universal Benevolence, Linus Torvalds XII (probably version 582958190), sent us a message via GNU-Net from his Home Dimension 1.0, saying that he is not happy that we are losing this battle against some puny corporation on some backwater planet in an obscure dimension. As he said, "I swear by the Great Penguin, those earthlings don't even have intersteller travel yet! They should be easy to beat..." I'm sorry, my emotions are getting to me. I must finish this e-memo soon, as I am preparing to depart for Linusgrad shortly. I will continue to advise from there. We must continue the fight. We can not lose to greed. Signed, Tuxedo L. Penguin, Benevolent Dictator - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Fri Aug 11 00:16:19 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Fri, 11 Aug 2000 00:14:56 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:44327 "HELO mail005.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Fri, 11 Aug 2000 00:14:09 +0200 Received: (qmail 20307 invoked from network); 10 Aug 2000 22:13:56 -0000 Received: from mocape01-146.midwest.net (HELO i-want-a-website.com) ([209.248.17.156]) (envelope-sender ) by mail005.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 10 Aug 2000 22:13:56 -0000 Message-ID: <39932601.359A9E94@i-want-a-website.com> Date: Thu, 10 Aug 2000 17:00:33 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.35 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: humorix@nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] "Brown Orifice" Is Only The Beginning Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list "Brown Orifice" Is Only The Beginning August 10, 2000 Last week security holes were found in Netscape's Java implementation that allowed it to act as a web server. Earlier today, a hacker announced that he had found vulnerabilities in Mozilla M17 that allow it to operate as a web browser. And that's just the beginning. Said "3l337h4x0r", the discoverer of the M17 exploit, "This is quite a hack! By manipulating some internal functions, I was able to use M17 to actually surf the web. Slashdot and Humorix rendered beautifully." Mozilla engineers were stunned. "This shouldn't be possible. M17 contains a newsreader, a mail client, an instant messenger client, and a whole bunch of XUL acronymn-enriched stuff, but it shouldn't be able to handle HTTP or HTML. We haven't been planning on adding web-surfing functionality to Mozilla until M30... maybe M25 at the earliest. I suspect this whole thing is a hoax." It doesn't appear to be a hoax, however. Mr. 3l337h4x0r demonstrated his hack for us here at Humorix World Headquarters. It was quite impressive. The Slashdot homepage loaded in about 0.003 seconds, which is a sharp improvement over Netscape 4.73, which often crashes before rendering anything. Said the hacker, "This modified Mozilla software really kicks butt. Internet Explorer is toast." Exploits have also been discovered in other software programs during the past week. By exploiting a series of holes in the LISP interpreter, it's possible to use Emacs as a text editor. "Emacs has always made an excellent kitchen sink," said Reinhard Langer, the discoverer of the security flaw. "But the only thing that it can't do is edit text files. Until now." One GNU project programmer responded, "Wow! I didn't know Emacs could be used for things beyond Eliza and Dissociated Press. And here I've been editing Emacs LISP source code using vi for all these years..." Microsoft programs haven't been immune to exploits, either. An old maxim in the Unix community states, "All programs expand until they can read mail... except Microsoft Outlook." Well, that's no longer true. By taking advantage of loopholes in several undocumented APIs, a team of geeks were able to transform Outlook from a virus-delivery system into an actual mail client. "It was quite a feat to accomplish this," said one of the geeks. "I mean, the rat's nest that is the Windows API can be used to frighten small children... or adults. And the frequency by which Outlook exploits are discovered is directly proportional to the number of times Bill Gates uses the word 'innovation'. But this is the first time somebody has discovered a beneficial exploit." Microsoft has vowed to release a patch to fix the uncovered security flaws. "We simply cannot tolerate unauthorized reverse engineering and hacking of our innovative solutions. Our Security Response Team will pull an all-nighter to eliminate these known issues." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Wed Aug 16 03:54:16 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Wed, 16 Aug 2000 03:49:58 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT002.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.72]:19390 "HELO mail002.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Wed, 16 Aug 2000 03:48:08 +0200 Received: (qmail 15358 invoked from network); 16 Aug 2000 01:47:54 -0000 Received: from mocape01-21.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.31]) (envelope-sender ) by mail002.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 16 Aug 2000 01:47:54 -0000 Message-ID: <3999F0E1.1D5C4AF4@ldd.net> Date: Tue, 15 Aug 2000 20:39:45 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Message From The Future: The MCAA Sucks! Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Message From The Future: The MCAA Sucks! Timm Murray, admin@madtimes.com August 15, 2000 ROSWELL, GEORGIA -- The Anomolous Sewage Lagoon #5 continues to spit out items from the future. Everything from kitchen sinks to neural implants have found their way through this space-time singularity. Now we know why. Yesterday we received a small device that our Humorix Research Lab Of Doom is calling a "trancendental anti-light temporal filtering beam receptor". Those labcoat-wearing dweebs can call it any name they want. But it's really just a glorified fax machine -- except that it spits out material from the year 2022. Now we've seen the future... and it's patented. Somebody living the future has gone to a lot of trouble to warn us about what's going to happen. Or maybe I should say, "might happen". Or whatever. The English language just doesn't handle time-travel issues very well. Slashdot will become yet another corporatized portal belonging to the ABC-NBC-CBS-Yahoo-AOL-MSN Media Conglomerate, Inc. formed in 2004. Ironically, it will be Jon Katz who causes Slashdot.com to be dominated by Pointy Haired Bosses. Meanwhile, Kuro5hin, which will recover from its DDoS attack sometime in 2003, will then become the de facto watering hole for geeks, nerds, hackers, and geek-wannabes. But the demise of Slashdot isn't what our Anonymous Coward >From The Future is worried about. His beef is with the MCAA, of the Matter Control Association of America. In 2015, patents will be issued on the emerging field of matter replication. Several large companies will "invest" in some Senators, and before long Congress will enact a law that extends copyright protection to matter patterns. Within two years the MCAA will control the entire industry. Richard M. Stallman will publish the GPPL (GNU Physical Public License) and commission the YAM Project (YAM Ain't Matter) to create a collection of free-speech matter patterns. The project will succeed at first with its GNU/Steak pattern (described as "tasty but hard to chew"), but eventually it will bog down when GNU matter-hackers become embroiled in a GNU/Cola vs. GNU/Coffee flamewar. Kuro5hin will quickly become the focal point for anti-MCAA protests. One group of hackers will create "Mnapster", a peer-to-peer network for sharing matter patterns copyrighted by the MCAA. Slogans like "Computational algorithms representing material objects want to be free!" and "Think free speech, not free beer patterns!" will become commonplace on Kuro5hin. (But not Slashdot.com, where every anti-MCAA post will be labelled, "Score -5, Communistic Troll Who Doesn't Support Capitalism".) It should come as no surprise that the MCAA will hire an army of lawyers that exceeds the entire population of Rhode Island. These attorneys will then file charges against all Mnapster users under the "Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Shareholders? Act of 2017", which makes copyright infringement a crime punishable by Chinese water torture. The Kuro5hin community will react by spearheading the "Open Wormhole Project" to send warnings and matter patterns into the past in the hopes of rewriting history. It seems to be working. Thanks to the terraforming device that Humorix received from the future, we were able to create the independent island nation of Humorixia. And we're not finished yet. Stay tuned to this unfolding plot-line as we continue to make up the details. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 20 02:49:19 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 02:47:34 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:16554 "HELO mail009.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 02:46:48 +0200 Received: (qmail 20554 invoked from network); 20 Aug 2000 00:46:39 -0000 Received: from mocape01-128.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.138]) (envelope-sender ) by mail009.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 20 Aug 2000 00:46:39 -0000 Message-ID: <399F2AB8.A6F15424@ldd.net> Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 19:47:52 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" August 19, 2000 Nobody likes to deal with tech support or customer service reps. A growing number of people are getting sick of being put on hold for three hours and then paying ridiculous "per incident" fees so some Microserf can tell them to "reinstall the operating system!" Desperate users are turning to an unlikely source to diagnose and fix software problems: psychics. Palm[Pilot] readers, 1-900 number operators, and clairvoyant consultants are quickly becoming the hottest careers in the tech sector. Explained Madam Cosmos, owner of the Main Street Mysticism Temple in Keokuk, Iowa, "With my special powers, I can track down the source of any problem. Got a rogue Registry entry that's causing Bluescreens? I'll find it. Missing a curly bracket in your Perl program but can't locate it because the error messages are so unhelpful? I'll know where it is even before you walk in my door." There's defintely no shortage of success stories. Said one Madam Cosmos client, "I was having trouble setting up PPP on my new Linux box. I spent hours searching for the damn text file where I'm supposed to configure the IPs of my ISP's DNS servers... boy do I hate acronyms. Madam Cosmos took out some tea leaves, did her thing, and "/etc/resolv.conf" appeared before her eyes. That was exactly what I needed to know. But what the hell is "resolv.conf" supposed to mean anyways?" Ms. Clair V. Oyent of San Jose, California has seen her business quadruple during the past year. "Two years ago I made all of my money on the usual fare: predicting winning lottery numbers, giving stock tips, reading Tarot cards. But not anymore. These days, all of my clients are geeks." "The strangest request I had," she continued, "came last week. The client, who looked suspiciously like a fairy penguin, wanted to know the source of all of the 'Benchmark Toner Supply' spams he kept getting every 3.2 minutes. It only took a few seconds of work to bring the address into focus on my crystal ball: BENCHMARK SUPPLY, 5334 LAKE VIEW CLUB, ATLANTA GA 30338. Upon hearing this information, the client grinned wryly and said, 'Mr. Benchmark will never send another spam to the Linux Kernel Mailing List ever again. Mwahahahaha!'" [Editor's Note: Just as this story went to press, we received a rumor that a certain building in Atlanta had been destroyed by fire. Investigators, according to this unreliable source, suspected arson. One eyewitness reported seeing "a strange tuxedo-wearing creature carrying a bottle of lighter fluid while munching on what appeared to be fish" just before the building burst into flames. We can only hope that this rumor is true.] The number of psychics offering tech-related services is expected to increase 1,000% during the next year. Said Mrs. Dee Viner, chairperson for the Southern California Association of Mystics, "It's like a gold rush out here. With all of the dotcoms downsizing or folding, many psychics have been able to lease office space for pennies on the dollar. For instance, when HotOnlineLivestockAuctions.com shut down its company bowling alley in order to save precious Venture Capital, they leased it to a soothsayer for just peanuts. Now Colina's Clairvoyant Consultant Company & Bowling Alley is raking in money, while the dotcom next door has about $15 worth of assets." Companies are starting to rely on psychics, as well. One company recently replaced its system administrator with a clairvoyant consultant. "Our C.C. can track down a problem using her crystal ball much faster than our old tech could," said the President of Bob's Used Appliance Company. "Plus, our employees can get their fortunes told while on their coffee break. It's great." He added, "We're at the cusp of the next great trend in the company industry. Or at least, that's the future that my C.C. predicts." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 20 02:58:29 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 02:56:34 +0200 Received: from mta01-svc.ntlworld.com ([62.253.162.41]:6330 "EHLO mta01-svc.ntlworld.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 02:55:29 +0200 Received: from v3f0w8 ([62.255.24.47]) by mta01-svc.ntlworld.com (InterMail vM.4.01.02.27 201-229-119-110) with SMTP id <20000820005524.FVCL26680.mta01-svc.ntlworld.com@v3f0w8> for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 01:55:24 +0100 Message-ID: <000a01c00a41$c05dd220$2f18ff3e@v3f0w8> From: "Tony Blews" To: Subject: Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 01:58:26 +0100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.1 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Hi! The Villains Org would like to link to you. Do you have a suitable button type thig to use? Tony www.villains.co.uk (always in need of aderts and stories!) -- Tony Blews, ICQ #81546044 Yahoo: blews2000 tony@blews.net a.blews@ukonline.co.uk -----Original Message----- From: James Baughn To: Humorix Mailing List Date: Sunday, August 20, 2000 1:50 AM Subject: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" >The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" >August 19, 2000 > >Nobody likes to deal with tech support or customer service >reps. A growing number of people are getting sick of being >put on hold for three hours and then paying ridiculous "per >incident" fees so some Microserf can tell them to >"reinstall the operating system!" > >Desperate users are turning to an unlikely source to >diagnose and fix software problems: psychics. Palm[Pilot] >readers, 1-900 number operators, and clairvoyant >consultants are quickly becoming the hottest careers in the >tech sector. > >Explained Madam Cosmos, owner of the Main Street Mysticism >Temple in Keokuk, Iowa, "With my special powers, I can >track down the source of any problem. Got a rogue Registry >entry that's causing Bluescreens? I'll find it. Missing a >curly bracket in your Perl program but can't locate it >because the error messages are so unhelpful? I'll know >where it is even before you walk in my door." > >There's defintely no shortage of success stories. Said one >Madam Cosmos client, "I was having trouble setting up PPP >on my new Linux box. I spent hours searching for the damn >text file where I'm supposed to configure the IPs of my >ISP's DNS servers... boy do I hate acronyms. Madam Cosmos >took out some tea leaves, did her thing, and >"/etc/resolv.conf" appeared before her eyes. That was >exactly what I needed to know. But what the hell is >"resolv.conf" supposed to mean anyways?" > >Ms. Clair V. Oyent of San Jose, California has seen her >business quadruple during the past year. "Two years ago I >made all of my money on the usual fare: predicting winning >lottery numbers, giving stock tips, reading Tarot cards. >But not anymore. These days, all of my clients are geeks." > >"The strangest request I had," she continued, "came last >week. The client, who looked suspiciously like a fairy >penguin, wanted to know the source of all of the 'Benchmark >Toner Supply' spams he kept getting every 3.2 minutes. It >only took a few seconds of work to bring the address into >focus on my crystal ball: BENCHMARK SUPPLY, 5334 LAKE VIEW >CLUB, ATLANTA GA 30338. Upon hearing this information, the >client grinned wryly and said, 'Mr. Benchmark will never >send another spam to the Linux Kernel Mailing List ever >again. Mwahahahaha!'" > >[Editor's Note: Just as this story went to press, we >received a rumor that a certain building in Atlanta had >been destroyed by fire. Investigators, according to this >unreliable source, suspected arson. One eyewitness reported >seeing "a strange tuxedo-wearing creature carrying a bottle >of lighter fluid while munching on what appeared to be >fish" just before the building burst into flames. We can >only hope that this rumor is true.] > >The number of psychics offering tech-related services is >expected to increase 1,000% during the next year. Said >Mrs. Dee Viner, chairperson for the Southern California >Association of Mystics, "It's like a gold rush out here. >With all of the dotcoms downsizing or folding, many >psychics have been able to lease office space for pennies >on the dollar. For instance, when >HotOnlineLivestockAuctions.com shut down its company >bowling alley in order to save precious Venture Capital, >they leased it to a soothsayer for just peanuts. Now >Colina's Clairvoyant Consultant Company & Bowling Alley is >raking in money, while the dotcom next door has about $15 >worth of assets." > >Companies are starting to rely on psychics, as well. One >company recently replaced its system administrator with a >clairvoyant consultant. "Our C.C. can track down a problem >using her crystal ball much faster than our old tech >could," said the President of Bob's Used Appliance >Company. "Plus, our employees can get their fortunes told >while on their coffee break. It's great." > >He added, "We're at the cusp of the next great trend in the >company industry. Or at least, that's the future that my >C.C. predicts." > >- >Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note >Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ >Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ > - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 20 03:32:52 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 03:31:04 +0200 Received: from c014-h001.c014.sfo.cp.net ([209.228.12.65]:8408 "HELO c014.sfo.cp.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 03:29:49 +0200 Received: (cpmta 461 invoked from network); 19 Aug 2000 18:29:44 -0700 Received: from sea2-102.transport.com (HELO pavilion) (209.222.131.165) by smtp.transport.com with SMTP; 19 Aug 2000 18:29:44 -0700 X-Sent: 20 Aug 2000 01:29:44 GMT Message-ID: <000901c00a45$ebe8d620$a583ded1@pavilion> From: "Pegasus" To: Subject: Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 18:28:17 -0700 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list You may think this is a joke but I don't. Both my bother and I use psi to trouble shoot computers. Microsoft isn't very happy about how I find backdoors in their OS or hidden IE directories. I just know. I have never reinstalled Win 98 either. I know what upsets the machine and take care not to offend my AI robot that Microsoft put on this machine. It speaks to me like a ghost out of the ether. Ballmer is terrified of me. I once predicted he was going to loose his voice if he didn't shut up. He did and had to have surgery on his throat. WELL, things just seem to come to me when I need them and I don't ask any questions. Maybe it's coming from aliens or angels. I just learned a long time a go to trust it. Almost everyone old timer who has been in the industry over 20 years talks about their psi abilities and tells stories of amazing things happening. :-) You have to be a psychic to deal with Microsoft products and development tools. Nothing about what they do makes any logical sense. :-) J~ -----Original Message----- From: James Baughn To: Humorix Mailing List Date: Saturday, August 19, 2000 5:52 PM Subject: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" |The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" |August 19, 2000 | |Nobody likes to deal with tech support or customer service |reps. A growing number of people are getting sick of being |put on hold for three hours and then paying ridiculous "per |incident" fees so some Microserf can tell them to |"reinstall the operating system!" | |Desperate users are turning to an unlikely source to |diagnose and fix software problems: psychics. Palm[Pilot] |readers, 1-900 number operators, and clairvoyant |consultants are quickly becoming the hottest careers in the |tech sector. | |Explained Madam Cosmos, owner of the Main Street Mysticism |Temple in Keokuk, Iowa, "With my special powers, I can |track down the source of any problem. Got a rogue Registry |entry that's causing Bluescreens? I'll find it. Missing a |curly bracket in your Perl program but can't locate it |because the error messages are so unhelpful? I'll know |where it is even before you walk in my door." | |There's defintely no shortage of success stories. Said one |Madam Cosmos client, "I was having trouble setting up PPP |on my new Linux box. I spent hours searching for the damn |text file where I'm supposed to configure the IPs of my |ISP's DNS servers... boy do I hate acronyms. Madam Cosmos |took out some tea leaves, did her thing, and |"/etc/resolv.conf" appeared before her eyes. That was |exactly what I needed to know. But what the hell is |"resolv.conf" supposed to mean anyways?" | |Ms. Clair V. Oyent of San Jose, California has seen her |business quadruple during the past year. "Two years ago I |made all of my money on the usual fare: predicting winning |lottery numbers, giving stock tips, reading Tarot cards. |But not anymore. These days, all of my clients are geeks." | |"The strangest request I had," she continued, "came last |week. The client, who looked suspiciously like a fairy |penguin, wanted to know the source of all of the 'Benchmark |Toner Supply' spams he kept getting every 3.2 minutes. It |only took a few seconds of work to bring the address into |focus on my crystal ball: BENCHMARK SUPPLY, 5334 LAKE VIEW |CLUB, ATLANTA GA 30338. Upon hearing this information, the |client grinned wryly and said, 'Mr. Benchmark will never |send another spam to the Linux Kernel Mailing List ever |again. Mwahahahaha!'" | |[Editor's Note: Just as this story went to press, we |received a rumor that a certain building in Atlanta had |been destroyed by fire. Investigators, according to this |unreliable source, suspected arson. One eyewitness reported |seeing "a strange tuxedo-wearing creature carrying a bottle |of lighter fluid while munching on what appeared to be |fish" just before the building burst into flames. We can |only hope that this rumor is true.] | |The number of psychics offering tech-related services is |expected to increase 1,000% during the next year. Said |Mrs. Dee Viner, chairperson for the Southern California |Association of Mystics, "It's like a gold rush out here. |With all of the dotcoms downsizing or folding, many |psychics have been able to lease office space for pennies |on the dollar. For instance, when |HotOnlineLivestockAuctions.com shut down its company |bowling alley in order to save precious Venture Capital, |they leased it to a soothsayer for just peanuts. Now |Colina's Clairvoyant Consultant Company & Bowling Alley is |raking in money, while the dotcom next door has about $15 |worth of assets." | |Companies are starting to rely on psychics, as well. One |company recently replaced its system administrator with a |clairvoyant consultant. "Our C.C. can track down a problem |using her crystal ball much faster than our old tech |could," said the President of Bob's Used Appliance |Company. "Plus, our employees can get their fortunes told |while on their coffee break. It's great." | |He added, "We're at the cusp of the next great trend in the |company industry. Or at least, that's the future that my |C.C. predicts." | |- |Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note |Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ |Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ | - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 20 04:06:25 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 04:03:08 +0200 Received: from c014-h017.c014.sfo.cp.net ([209.228.12.81]:57283 "HELO c014.sfo.cp.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 04:01:57 +0200 Received: (cpmta 5410 invoked from network); 19 Aug 2000 19:01:53 -0700 Received: from sea2-108.transport.com (HELO pavilion) (209.222.131.171) by smtp.transport.com with SMTP; 19 Aug 2000 19:01:53 -0700 X-Sent: 20 Aug 2000 02:01:53 GMT Message-ID: <001801c00a4a$696a3680$a583ded1@pavilion> From: "Pegasus" To: Cc: Subject: Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 19:00:26 -0700 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list You like humor and villians? Take a look at this classical Microsoft song. I remember one year at Halloween that Gates really got goulash and had a blood splattered T-shirt and was reveling his minions to some of the most villainess pursues. http://www.transport.com/~pegasus/pirates.htm They actually do this kind of thing in the company. I hope they get this case into appeals court instead of going straight to the Supreme Court. There is so much more that the DOJ can enter into evidence. J~ PSI -----Original Message----- From: Tony Blews To: humorix@nl.linux.org Date: Saturday, August 19, 2000 6:07 PM Subject: Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" |Hi! |The Villains Org would like to link to you. Do you have a suitable button |type thig to use? | | |Tony |www.villains.co.uk |(always in need of aderts and stories!) | |-- |Tony Blews, ICQ #81546044 Yahoo: blews2000 |tony@blews.net a.blews@ukonline.co.uk | - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 20 09:44:34 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 09:42:17 +0200 Received: from lx1.microbsys.com ([209.135.1.130]:32271 "EHLO lx1.microbsys.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 09:41:18 +0200 Received: from localhost (rwerner@localhost) by lx1.microbsys.com (8.10.0/8.10.0) with ESMTP id e7K7fDX00991 for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2000 00:41:13 -0700 Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 00:41:13 -0700 (PDT) From: "Robert G. Werner" To: humorix@nl.linux.org Subject: Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants" In-Reply-To: <000a01c00a41$c05dd220$2f18ff3e@v3f0w8> Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Hey James, didn't a "thig" come out of the sewage plant a couple of years ago and we couldn't figure out what to do with it. Maybe the people at Villans.org know. Robert G. Werner rwerner@lx1.microbsys.com Impeach Conggress!! Bedfellows make strange politicians. On Sun, 20 Aug 2000, Tony Blews wrote: > Hi! > The Villains Org would like to link to you. Do you have a suitable button > type thig to use? ^^^^ > > > Tony > www.villains.co.uk > (always in need of aderts and stories!) [snip] - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Tue Aug 22 20:04:02 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Tue, 22 Aug 2000 20:02:48 +0200 Received: from brutus.conectiva.com.br ([200.250.58.146]:3314 "EHLO duckman.distro.conectiva") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Tue, 22 Aug 2000 20:02:10 +0200 Received: from localhost (riel@localhost) by duckman.distro.conectiva (8.9.3/8.8.7) with ESMTP id PAA17581 for ; Tue, 22 Aug 2000 15:02:00 -0300 X-Authentication-Warning: duckman.distro.conectiva: riel owned process doing -bs Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2000 15:01:59 -0300 (BRST) From: Rik van Riel X-Sender: riel@duckman.distro.conectiva To: humorix@nl.linux.org Subject: [humorix] Re: Advanced OS Questions only you can answer... (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Hi, I found this on one of the more technical FreeBSD user lists, where some student tried to be smart enough to fool the FreeBSD hackers into doing his homework. (OTOH, if he could outsmart them, why couldn't he do his own homework?) Rik ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2000 12:10:37 -0500 From: Peter Seebach To: Jonathan Lemon Cc: hackers@FreeBSD.ORG Subject: Re: Advanced OS Questions only you can answer... In message <200008221714.e7MHEbL05793@prism.flugsvamp.com>, Jonathan Lemon writ es: >In article t> you write: >>>2. How does the OS manage main memory and does it manage secondary storage >>>to back up main memory. I need on algorithm and one structure to show this >>>management...along with how they relate to the management. >> >>The OS manages main memory by breaking it up into 8 1/2 by 11 sections of bit >s >>called "pages". (The 1/2 is used for parity.) > >Yes, but this is not portable. For a better fit, the OS should strive >to maintain ISO 216 compliance as well, if possible. Look, I don't think we want to confuse the kid. It's bad enough that the crossways "8 inches" just refers to a standard octet, but the vertical 11 inches is a 2^N thing. It's worse still that, on most platforms, the page is really 12 or 13 inches. I wanted to start him with the easy case. -s To Unsubscribe: send mail to majordomo@FreeBSD.org with "unsubscribe freebsd-hackers" in the body of the message - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Fri Aug 25 04:53:13 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 04:52:18 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT002.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.72]:56255 "HELO mail002.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 04:51:54 +0200 Received: (qmail 25798 invoked from network); 25 Aug 2000 02:51:30 -0000 Received: from mocape01-47.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.57]) (envelope-sender ) by mail002.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 25 Aug 2000 02:51:30 -0000 Message-ID: <39A5DFE0.FBB7886A@ldd.net> Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 21:54:24 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" August 24, 2000 At a press conference held at Sony World Headquarters, Steve Heckler declared himself in full and total control of the Internet. While aides put a crown on his head, he said, "I will firewall Napster at the source -- I will block it at the cable company, I will block it at the phone company, I will block it at the ISP. Nobody will use Napster ever again. Why? Because large corporations like Sony control the Net. And I'm now the King Of The Internet." As his first official act since assuming the crown as the Net.King, Mr. Heckler issued a royal order demanding that all computers running Napster would be firewalled from the rest of the Internet. In addition, the domain names and IP numbers for all boxes housing the DeCSS code, anti-Sony websites, or Linux humor sites would be immediately revoked. Jack Valenti, MPAA President, has been appointed by Heckler as the new "Minister Of Information" and "Prince Of Copyright Protection". Heckler said, "I give Mr. Valenti full and complete power to do anything necessary to protect the intellectual property of large corporations so as to help feed starving musicians and movie producers who are being deprived by freeloading Napster and DVD pirates." "Piracy is futile," Prince Valenti snarled. "Naspter users will be assimilated and re-educated." Heckler and Valenti might now claim royal power, but nobody has followed their orders yet. After a Sony lackey delivered the royal edict to Steve Case, head of America's Only Line (AOL), he laughed for five minutes straight. "Who does this Heckler guy think he is? _I'm_ the Lord of the Internet! I control a huge percentage of all Internet access... how much does Sony control? Huh? I'm the one who should be in charge." Techs at other Internet Service Providers were all equally unimpressed by Heckler's rise to power. "What is this PHB going to do if we don't comply, huh?" said one system administrator at a national ISP. "Patrol the entire Internet... er, SonyNet... with Sony Stormtroopers and then send all non-compliers to the Sony Dungeon? If Heckler is the Net.King, then I'm the Grand Poobah Of Cluesticks. My first duty as Poobah will be deliver a whole truckload of cluesticks to this Heckler idiot and any other corporate executive who thinks that the entire Universe revolves around them." Several other geeks attempted to claim royal titles. While donning a makeshift crown made out of paper, one Dothead said, "I am now the Crown Prince Of Boycotts. We will boycott Sony at the source -- we will block it at the mall, we will block it at the cash register, we will block it at the music store." Jon Splatz, Humorixia Benevolent Dictator, was unavailable for comment at press time. - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Fri Aug 25 09:39:12 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 09:38:08 +0200 Received: from lx1.microbsys.com ([209.135.1.130]:22536 "EHLO lx1.microbsys.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 09:37:56 +0200 Received: from localhost (rwerner@localhost) by lx1.microbsys.com (8.10.0/8.10.0) with ESMTP id e7P7bq227026 for ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 00:37:52 -0700 Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 00:37:52 -0700 (PDT) From: "Robert G. Werner" To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: Re: [humorix] Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" In-Reply-To: <39A5DFE0.FBB7886A@ldd.net> Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list That fits but my real question is: How does Al Gore respond to this "outrage" since he invented the internet. Don't you think he should get a chance at being king? ;-) Robert G. Werner rwerner@lx1.microbsys.com Impeach Conggress!! Q: What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out? A: Chewing gum. On Thu, 24 Aug 2000, James Baughn wrote: > Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" > August 24, 2000 [snip] - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Fri Aug 25 10:49:48 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 10:48:40 +0200 Received: from anchor-post-30.mail.demon.net ([194.217.242.88]:44043 "EHLO anchor-post-30.mail.demon.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with ESMTP id ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 10:48:17 +0200 Received: from systemtechno.demon.co.uk ([193.237.41.198] helo=st2) by anchor-post-30.mail.demon.net with esmtp (Exim 2.12 #1) id 13SF9t-0001Ar-0U for humorix@nl.linux.org; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 09:48:17 +0100 Received: from 192.168.1.3 by st2 ([192.168.1.3] running VPOP3) with ESMTP for ; Fri, 25 Aug 2000 09:06:08 +0100 Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 09:24:27 +0100 From: Jamie Dainton X-Mailer: The Bat! (v1.46 Beta/3) Personal X-Priority: 3 (Normal) Message-ID: <15938816.20000825092427@dainton.org.uk> To: James Baughn Subject: [humorix] We wan't your laptops. Microsoft steals childrens laptops In-reply-To: <39A5DFE0.FBB7886A@ldd.net> References: <39A5DFE0.FBB7886A@ldd.net> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Server: VPOP3 V1.4.0 - Registered to: System Technologies Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Hello Humorix, I've been building a keyboard. While looking on the M$ site I found this bit of interesting info. It seems that if you want to use the Win logo on your laptop you *must* give M$ one of you top of the range laptops and one of the cheap ones. Isn't this called bribery? Excerpt from quality (now that's a joke) book Assemble the Self-Test Submission The following must be included in your Self-Test Submission. Two (2) external keyboard devices. These devices will NOT be returned to you upon test completion. -OR- Two (2)laptop systems with keyboard device. Keyboard devices intended for use with a laptop computer MUST be tested with the laptop system in which they are installed. Provide one example of the lowest notebook model and one example of the top model in the manufacturer's entire line if you are providing a range of laptop systems. Systems will NOT be returned to you after test completion. Restore disks for each operating system tested. All users must also swear their undying loyalty to the mighty Gates, ruler of the world and defiler of penguins. -- >From Jamie Dainton Friday, August 25, 2000 09:20:19 The Bat! 1.46 Beta/3 Windows 98 4.10 2222 mailto:pgp@dainton.org.uk?subject=sendKey - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sat Aug 26 18:17:09 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sat, 26 Aug 2000 18:16:05 +0200 Received: from c014-h003.c014.sfo.cp.net ([209.228.12.67]:61121 "HELO c014.sfo.cp.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sat, 26 Aug 2000 18:15:42 +0200 Received: (cpmta 25592 invoked from network); 26 Aug 2000 09:15:38 -0700 Received: from sea2-99.transport.com (HELO pavilion) (209.222.131.162) by smtp.transport.com (209.228.12.67) with SMTP; 26 Aug 2000 09:15:38 -0700 X-Sent: 26 Aug 2000 16:15:38 GMT Message-ID: <000401c00f78$b0549800$a283ded1@pavilion> From: "Pegasus" To: Subject: [humorix] Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 21:40:38 -0700 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Well, I heard the computer security in DC is so bad that people have been ordered to cover it up. So just what happens if the welfare checks don't go out in DC one month? Since Gore taking credit and Bush's daddy was the one who wouldn't extend the budget for the Internet, may the best man win. I have a feeling those DC computer are looking at future abuse. :-) BTW, I told an old Christian women the gum joke. She flushed and said, "I wouldn't even comment!" Then I told here the accident and she was dumb for words.... :-) That fits but my real question is: How does Al Gore respond to this "outrage" since he invented the Internet. Don't you think he should get a chance at being king? ;-) Robert G. Werner rwerner@lx1.microbsys.com Impeach Conggress!! Q: What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out? A: Chewing gum. On Thu, 24 Aug 2000, James Baughn wrote: > Please Bow For The "King Of The Internet" > August 24, 2000 [snip] - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Sun Aug 27 20:41:08 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Sun, 27 Aug 2000 20:40:05 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:12749 "HELO mail007.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Sun, 27 Aug 2000 20:39:47 +0200 Received: (qmail 24840 invoked from network); 27 Aug 2000 18:39:38 -0000 Received: from mocape01-228.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.238]) (envelope-sender ) by mail007.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 27 Aug 2000 18:39:38 -0000 Message-ID: <39A96096.F2BC9C86@ldd.net> Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2000 13:40:22 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] The Linux House 1.01 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list The Linux House 1.01 August 27, 2000 RATTLESNAKE RIDGE, LOUSIANA -- Mr. Billy O'Nair knows how to build a house. The 24 year old retired dotcom billionaire has constructed the "Linux House 1.01", a bachelor pad built in the shape of Tux Penguin. This geek haven features a 256 foot long computer room, along with other smaller, lesser important rooms (kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, etc.). Explained O'Nair, "Why do architects waste a bunch of space on formal living rooms, family rooms, dining rooms, closets, foyers, and hallways that are rarely used? In my 'Linux House', the majority of square footage is devoted to the two rooms that I myself use the most: a computer room and a procrastination room." [NOTE: The floorplan is available at http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/aug00-linuxhouse.png] The design for this house is enough to send any geek into a frenzy of rabid drooling. Just look at what each room contains: * The procrastination room: When it comes to wasting time, Billy knows how to do it in style. With a wall-sized flat-screen TV, movie projector, pool table, LEGO workshop, and deluxe Laz-E-Geek(tm) recliner, there's absolutely no reason to perform meaningful work ever again. * The computer room: Many traditional houses try to hide the computer in a small "office" or "server closet". Not the Linux House. Not only is the computer room the largest space in the house, but it's also the first thing you see when you enter the front door. This room contains 64 computers running Linux, along with a few well-hidden boxes in the far corner that run other operating systems "just in case". * Bathroom & Library: In version 1.00 of the Linux House, O'Nair planned a seperate room for the library. "But then I realized that I did most of my reading and meditating while on the toilet," he reflected. "So why bother with a stand-alone library? Now I've got all my O'Reilly and science-fiction books right at my fingertips while I'm on the throne." * Bedroom: An unfortunate waste of space since Billy doesn't sleep very often (he once performed a 48 hour straight hacking run while doped up on caffeine). * Kitchen: Another waste of space. This small room only contains a microwave (with its own IP address) and a telephone with the nearest Dominator's Pizza location on speed-dial. "I don't cook," O'Nair said flatly. "Once in awhile I'll nuke a TV dinner, but most of the time I just hit the 'GIMME FOOD' button on the phone and order a Dominator's pizza." * Linus Torvalds Shrine: No geek house is complete without one. * Living Room: "This is really just a facade for a secret trapdoor that drops down into the laboratory and nuclear power plant in the basement," he explained. "Yes, I have my own power plant -- how else am I going to get all the power necessary to keep all those computers running 24/7?" And that's not all. The Linux House features a LAN (Liquor Acquisition Network) that delivers alcohol or caffeinated beverages to any room in the house by way of pipes that run through the ceiling. In addition, 'PANIC' buttons scattered throughout the house activate the RAM System (Random Access Munchies), in which candy bars and other snacks are immediately delivered by FPM (Fast Pretzel Mode) and EDO (Extended Delicacy Output) pneumatic tubes. Billy O'Nair was quick to point out another feature of the Linux House: No Windows and no Gates. Except for the one Windows computer running as a DSM (Dedicated Solitaire Machine), the entire house is 100% Microsoft free. (Unless you count the picture of Bill Gates on the DARTboard [Direct Action Retribution Target] in the procrastination room.) Several volunteer engineers are working on a 2.00 release of the house. "The blueprints are currently available online under the BSD (Blueprint Source Distribution) License and anybody can submit patches," Billy said. Planned improvements include a second floor that will house a 128-node Beowulf cluster of Cray supercomputers connected to an OC-48 pipe. "I can afford this," said the dotcom billionaire. "After all, I'm using holograms for plants and trees, which saves a bundle on landscaping and gardening costs. It's not like I'm going to be outside much anyways." The upcoming version will also fix a few bugs in the current design. "I should've put the kitchen near Tux's beak," he said. "And the Linus Torvalds Shrine needs to be in a more prominent location in the center of the computer room." Built in 1998, Mr. O'Nair's Linux House 1.01 has gained national attention. A recent issue of "Better Homes & Gardens That You Can't Afford" featured a ten-page article on the house. Next year the magazine is scheduled to feature the daemon-shaped "FreeBSD Garage" that he wants to build for his Geekmobile. He also has other outbuildings on the drawing board, leaving the Linux House as the kernel of his property. Billy O'Nair's creation has also done wonders for the cause of Linux advocacy in his local community. A series of articles in the Rattlesnake Ridge Browbeater-Crusader Newspaper about the Linux House raised awareness of bluescreen-free software alternatives. (Of course, the newspaper reporters mispelled Linux as "Lenix" and referred to the "Open Sores" movement numerous times [But we won't pick at that -- The Editor].) "I've really put this town on the map," Billy bragged. "My Linux House surpassed the World's Largest Kudzu Patch as the region's most popular tourist attraction." - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Mon Aug 28 03:03:02 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Mon, 28 Aug 2000 03:01:34 +0200 Received: from c014-h017.c014.sfo.cp.net ([209.228.12.81]:49884 "HELO c014.sfo.cp.net") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Mon, 28 Aug 2000 03:01:18 +0200 Received: (cpmta 25464 invoked from network); 27 Aug 2000 18:01:14 -0700 Received: from sea2-91.transport.com (HELO pavilion) (209.222.131.154) by smtp.transport.com (209.228.12.81) with SMTP; 27 Aug 2000 18:01:14 -0700 X-Sent: 28 Aug 2000 01:01:14 GMT Message-ID: <000801c0108b$46a9b700$9a83ded1@pavilion> From: "Pegasus" To: Subject: Re: [humorix] The Linux House 1.01 Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2000 17:53:34 -0700 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3155.0 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3155.0 Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Now his is really funny. It's almost as real as the real Billy Gates Geek house. :-) He actually does have 52 NT workstations (5+2=7 in Gates number codes. You will not there is NO building 7 at Microsoft) and that very procrastination room you described in major detail too. I guess it's one of those GEEK thangs. The Gates Geek house has other features that are unique: the Boat House! I won't comment on what that is used for. And the Gates has a sex chamber fully complete with a pop up large flat screen video screen for enjoying his other favorite procrastination in life, his wife! But we all know how this Emperor likes to GO without clothes! even in public places.... hee hee hee... Many visitors to parties at the Gates Geek house have complained about the presents of large video screens all over the place with constant changing view and art work. It is very discomforting when one of these things is glaring at you in the toilet room. Then some again complain about all the so called hidden cameras... are they in the toilet room also? all things aside, this Geek is truly Spartan or that is how his Wife 1.0 feeds the guest who pay as much as $1 million a plate to sit at the Emperor Geek Dinning Table. But that is all for a good cause, to pay off Wife 1.0's al manometer ;-) for what no one seems to know? I'm sure with some digging in the dirt we will eventually find out. :-) Now Superman Geek Paul Allen is yet another story... :-) His place is not very Geekish at all. Instead it take a hint from Rome with a wall lined with hot tubs and one on a dais, all in beautiful blue tile. He has yet another hot tub under the cat wall from his basket ball court to the beginning of the slide into his beautiful swimming pool. The odd part about this guys House is that it is all controlled with some unknown and computer system that even the best Geeks from Asymetrix couldn't figure out. Turning on a hot tub or dimming the lights take training in a NON Windows embedded system... :-) Oh well, at least Pauly's Geek Mansion doesn't have the bugs that Gates Geek house has. Running on NT/Win 2000 his house can't even find the right music selection from the data base. It must be running Access! And when he wants to sleep that pop up video screen won't turn off. No it just wants to glare that porn stuff in your face all night. Well, Gates did come up with a solution but it would cut out the grunting and panting noises. He simply put a blanket over the damn thing and order more debugging of the house. It's one thing to tie your applications to your buggy OS but yet another to tie your whole existence and life to it. :-) He thinks he is getting this place fixed but that Moebius just keeps on bugging him. Imagine how embarrassed he is when someone using his toilet gets faced with a bar bottom while on the toilet instead of Monte. Yet they get the Mona Lisa, it's just not the RIGHT one! :-) Here MS Wife 1.0 is going out trying to make them all look so proper and his guest are getting the moon in the toilet. What a major scandal. :-) People like to gossip about Nixon but when Gates is 6 foot under there is going to be a plethora of Amazing Stories. Perhaps Spielberg will do Gates of Hell: The movie! - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ From owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Thu Aug 31 05:34:57 2000 Received: by humbolt.nl.linux.org id ; Thu, 31 Aug 2000 05:33:34 +0200 Received: from SMTP-OUT001.ONEMAIN.COM ([63.208.208.71]:26261 "HELO mail021.mail.onemain.com") by humbolt.nl.linux.org with SMTP id ; Thu, 31 Aug 2000 05:32:27 +0200 Received: (qmail 12148 invoked from network); 31 Aug 2000 03:30:13 -0000 Received: from mocape01-209.midwest.net (HELO ldd.net) ([209.248.17.219]) (envelope-sender ) by mail021.mail.onemain.com (qmail-ldap-1.03) with SMTP for ; 31 Aug 2000 03:30:13 -0000 Message-ID: <39ADD0D0.2B7E9EEC@ldd.net> Date: Wed, 30 Aug 2000 22:28:16 -0500 From: James Baughn Organization: Humorix World Domination X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.07 [en] (X11; I; Linux 2.0.36 i586) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Humorix Mailing List Subject: [humorix] Lawyer-B-Gone 1.0 Released Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Sender: owner-humorix@nl.linux.org Precedence: bulk Reply-To: humorix@nl.linux.org Return-Path: X-Orcpt: rfc822;humorix-list Lawyer-B-Gone 1.0 Released August 30, 2000 Do you maintain a website? Does it have external links? Prepare to be sued! There's a high probability that one of your links points to another page that links to another site that links to yet another site that links to still another site that indirectly links to another website that provides a link to a mirror for the forbidden DeCSS source code. Can you say "lawsuit"? But you can prevent a horde of weasals... er, MPAA lawyers, from beating down your door. The low-paid programmers at the Humorix Labs Of Doom have produced Lawyer-B-Gone, a simple Perl script that eliminates every external link from your webpages. Of course, if widely deployed, this piece of software will render the entire Web unusable. But that's a small price to pay to keep evil at bay. Lawyer-proof your site today! Use Lawyer-B-Gone now. http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/downloads.shtml - Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/ Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/