[humorix] Keyboard Replacements Up 35% Thanks To SCO

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Keyboard Replacements Up 35% Thanks To SCO
April 8, 2007

It's not safe to read the news anymore.   One minute you're
enjoying a nice beverage at your computer, the next moment
you're spewing liquid all over your monitor and keyboard after
reading the latest ridiculous and hypocritical motion from The
SCO Group.

The problem is called IBEE (Involuntary Beverage Explosion
Event) and it strikes an estimated 1,650 keyboards each day,
often requiring immediate replacement.  With SCO becoming
increasing desperate, the number of such incidents worldwide
has increased nearly 35% since this time last year, providing
an unexpected lift for keyboard manufacturers.

"Business has never been better," said the CEO of
Ctrl-Alt-Delete Manufacturing Co. "Before, almost nobody bought
a keyboard in a store, they just came bundled with new
computers.  But now we're having trouble keeping up with
demand."

Some corporate IT departments, sick of seeing coffee stains
everywhere,  have pushed for bans against beverages at
workstations.  "We fully realize that restricting coffee
consumption will likely cause a serious reduction in
productivity," explained the CTO at Proactive Synergy
Paradigms, Inc.  "But we can't afford to keep replacing
keyboards like this!"

Other workplaces are providing special training to encourage
safer beverage consumption.  At Google's World Headquarters
Complex, signs remind employees to "Don't Spew Your Brew" and
"Down The Throat It Goes, Not Through The Nose."

"People like to multitask, but you shouldn't gulp and read at
the same time," said a Google manager.  "It's just too
dangerous.  I should know -- one time I made the mistake of
drinking a soda and reading a SCO press release at the same
time.  I laughed so hard that soda streamed through my nose,
and now my sinuses have never *sniffle* been the same."

Even among people that don't drink at the computer, reading the
news can still prove dangerous.  Take Lowell Rotfuller, who
dislocated his left knee while rolling on the floor laughing at
yet another hilarious SCO motion.

"One of these days, somebody is going to die laughing at SCO.
I know I'm going to be a lot more careful when I visit Groklaw
in the future."


--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/