[humorix] Google, Microsoft Agree To Switch Sides

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Google, Microsoft Agree To Switch Sides
April 1, 2006

SILLYCON VALLEY -- In a shocking announcement, Microsoft and
Google have agreed to switch places, with Google dropping its
"Do No Evil" policy and Microsoft embracing a virtuous
business model.

"It's a perfect solution for both Google and Microsoft," said
an industry observer.  "Microsoft is being dogged by EU
anti-trust officials and Google is being dogged by Wall
Street anti-virtue investors.  They both need to change their
ways immediately or face dire legal and financial
consequences."

Effective April 1, 2006, Microsoft will adopt the behavior of
a "kinder, gentler" company that plays fair with others and
doesn't try to bleed its competitors and customers dry.
Well, maybe. It's not immediately clear whether this policy
change represents a serious paradigm shift or is merely a
very crafty public relations ploy.

"We know people are going to be skeptical, but we think
everybody will be pleasantly surprised," said a Microsoft
spokesperson.  "We have kicked off Phase I of our Do No Evil
2006 plan, in which management and employees will undergo
'ethics re-adjustment' training to drive all of the
ingrained, evil habits out of them.  It won't be an easy
process, but we have to do something before we get creamed by
the legal system."

On the other hand, Google, which has quickly fallen out of
favor with Wall Street investors that equate "Do No Evil"
with "Make No Money", will now embark on a furious program of
short-term profit extraction, regardless of cost.  Well,
maybe. It's not immediately clear whether this policy change
represents a serious paradigm shift or is merely a very
crafty public relations ploy.

"We know people are going to be skeptical, but we think fund
managers, industry analysts, investment advisors, and TV
talking heads will be pleasantly surprised with our upcoming
earnings reports," said a Google spokesperson.  "All of our
employees have been directed to 'Make More Money or Else!'"
Moreover, we also have a large number of new products under
development -- such as Google World Domination Beta -- that
will add value for our shareholders.  It won't be an easy
process, but we have to do something before we get creamed by
the financial system."

Reaction to the news has been mostly negative.  "What the
heck is Microsoft thinking?" observed one industry observer.
"They beat the rap in the U.S., so why are they worried about
some pipsqueak regulators in Europe?  I'm downgrading their
stock from -Buy- to -They've Gone Insane, Dump Now Before
It's Too Late-."

"Google is killing the golden goose," one market analyst
analyzed.  "I mean, if people wanted to use a search engine
by some bloated, lumbering, evil overlord, they would just
use MSN or AOL. Once Google joins the Dark Side, they no
longer have a reason to exist!"

However, one stock market speculator speculated, "It's about
time!  Google needs to get with the program.  They didn't
achieve a market cap of over a googol dollars just because of
the cute logo!  It's time to pay the piper, and Google better
start producing some scratch or else they'll be scratched
into oblivion. Evil, greed, and obsessing about short-term
earnings are the three qualities that have made this country
so great!"


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