[humorix] Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel
April 1, 2006

NEW YORK CITY -- Hoping to capitalize on the burgeoning demand
for truth-impaired media, Rupert Murdoch today launched the
Fake News Channel (FNC), featuring 100% fake, fabricated,
forged, concocted, spurious, ficticious, bogus, false,
fraudulent, contrived, faux, invented, phony, and specious
reporting.

"The popularity of 'The Onion' and Jon Stewart shows that
America craves this kind of material, and we're more than happy
to oblige," said Murdoch during a press conference filled with
people that we're really members of the press.  "April Fool's
Day isn't just a silly holiday -- at FNC, it's a way of life!"

During the non-press conference, Murdoch showed a few clips
from the network, including segments on:

* Study: Republicans have better sex lives than Democrats

* Elvis sightings increased 53% last year

* President Bush takes surfing vacation in Hawaii, walks on
  water

* Bill Gates donates kidney to needy child in Botswana

* Weather forecast: Snow tonight in Los Angeles, global warming
  obviously a crock

* Hangnail leads to massive protest in France

* California falls into Pacific Ocean, rest of country yawns

* Patent attorneys vote Microsoft Windows as most innovative
  creation in history of mankind

* Celebrity news: 'Dixie Chicks' start new careers as insurance
  adjusters

In addition to regular news segments and the periodic 'Breaking
News Alert! (Not Really)', the channel will also feature
scheduled programming, focusing on 'reality' shows that are
anything but. The initial lineup features such classics as "Who
Wants To Punch A Liberal Hollywood Celebrity?" and "The
Twice-Divorced Mother Looking For A Soulmate -- Or Anything
With A Pulse".

Murdoch concluded, "We're very pleased with our first offerings
at FNC, and we hope to become the world leader in truthiness."


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