[humorix] Greece Demands Reparations For Ancient Intellectual Property Violations

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Greece Demands Reparations For Ancient Intellectual Property Violations
September 15, 2005

ATHENS, GREECE -- Calling it the "greatest copyright
violation in the history of civilization," the government of
Greece issued a statement today demanding that Italy provide
reparations for all of the countless ideas that were stolen
by the ancient Romans.

"They took our gods and renamed them.  They stole our
stories and plays. They snatched our inventions and used
them without compensation. It's been over two millenia and
the people of Greece have never received so much as a 'Thank
you' from the descendants of the pirate  Romans.  This
injustice must end."

While the concepts of copyrights, patents, derivative works,
and bark letters do not seem to have existed during the
height of Greek or Roman civilizations, this minor legal
obstacle is not stopping outraged Greek lawyers from
pursuing their claims.

"Rome wasn't built in a day -- it took centuries of
plundering Greek art, culture, mythology, politics,
technology, and other valuable forms of intellecual
property," ranted one lawyer.  "And what, after all these
years, does Greece have to show for it?  'My Big Fat Greek
Wedding'."

One lawyer has calculated, when adjusted for inflation,
interest penalties, and currency conversions, that the total
damages from Rome's piracy could easily surpass
US$1,400,000,000,000,000,000.

"As the successor-in-interest to the Roman Empire, the
nation of Italy owes us big time," said a Greek official.

But that's only the beginning.  Greek lawyers also hope to
collect royalties from other countries, such as the United
States, for "pervasive use of stolen Greek architectural
ideas."  Boasted one lawyer, "If you own a building that
violates our look-and-feel copyrights on the Parthenon and
other Greek landmarks, then you'd better pony up at least
US$50,000.  And you don't even want to know the penalty for
unauthorized use of Doric columns!"


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