[humorix] SCO Unveils Latest Product Upgrade: IBM Lawsuit 4.0

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

SCO Unveils Latest Product Upgrade: IBM Lawsuit 4.0
June 28, 2005

SOMEWHERE IN UTAH -- The SCO Group, everybody's favorite
lawsuit-factory-disguised-as-a-software-vendor, today unveiled
version 4.0 of its flagship litigation product, SCO v. IBM.

"Our top-of-the-line product now boasts new arguments, new
evidence, new discovery demands, and new
counter-counter-counter-motions designed to provide additional
value to our customers and shareholders," said SCO's Assistant Vice
Director Media Relations Specialist Third Class.

According to a four-color glossy brochure distributed by SCO, the
cornerstone of IBM Lawsuit Amended Complaint 4.0  is the argument
that GPL-licensed code should be seized under eminent domain laws
to provide greater economic development.

"All of this valuable code is being squandered by the draconian
anti-corporate, anti-American, pro-pinko-Commie GPL license that
the Free Software Foundation has rammed down everybody's throats,"
says the brochure.  "But thanks to the recent decision by the
Supreme Court, the tyranny of the GPL can -- and must -- be stopped
through the eminent domain process."

SCO proposes that all of the open source code held by the FSF, IBM,
and Novell should be "liberated" and turned over to SCO. In its
Complaint 4.0, SCO argues that "this move will provide huge public
benefits by increasing tax revenue, creating jobs, protecting
national security, fighting terrorism, and boosting economic
development efforts nationwide."

In addition, SCO's upgraded litigation product (all 512 pages)
includes the following new-and-improved contentions:

* The GPL establishes an illegal monopoly

* The GPL promotes slavery

* Free software represents illegal campaign contributions

* Open Source harms the environment

* GPL undermines national security and aids terrorists

* Open Source development violates child labor laws

* The Linux mascot is degrading to penguins

SCO's Amended Complaint 4.0 also features an 159-page appendix with
research and statistics from the Blartner Group "proving" that Open
Source software has deprived the US government of $1.53 billion in
tax revenue that would have been generated by sales of equivalent
proprietary software.

"Every time somebody downloads a GPL package for free, they are
circumventing sales tax laws," the appendix states.  "Every Linux
user is a person that is no longer buying Windows and paying sales
taxes.  This unpatriotic travesty must stop."

A complimentary copy of SCO's latest product was sent to the US
Senate Committee For Sucking Up To Corporations, which was
unavailable for comment at press time.


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