[humorix] Industry Cracks Down On Illegal "File Sharing"

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Industry Cracks Down On Illegal "File Sharing"
March 16, 2005

File Sharing Is Theft.  That's the slogan of the PPPAA
(Paper Product Producers Association of America), a newly
created consortium of timber companies, paper
manufacturers, and office supply superstores.  The mission
of the organization is to clamp down on the unauthorized
sharing, reuse, and recycling of office paper products,
especially file folders.

"When unscrupulous businesses and employees reuse paper
products, our industry loses billions of dollars in
revenue each year," said Bug E. Whipps, CEO of a major
Pacific Northwest paper mill.   "Not only does it harm the
American economy and hurt the children of our employees,
but it's illegal."

Illegal?  That last sentence caught this reporter by
surprise. However, after consulting with Humorix's
Official Lawyer, Mr. Noah Morals, we discovered that file
sharing really is against the law, at least in 37 states.

Take, for instance, the constitution of the State of
Utah.  It states, "No person shall directly or indirectly
interfere with the God-given right of a corporation to
make money.  Willful violators shall be punished by up to
five years in prison and a fine not to exceed the cost of
a private luxury jet for the victim company's CEO."

According to Mr. Morals, that clause outlaws file sharing,
and just about everything else. "By using a product more
than once, you are directly costing the manufacturer money
by not buying the product again," he argued. "So if you
share a file folder with a co-worker so that they don't
have to get another one, you are a thief according to the
laws of most states."

It's not immediately clear whether such laws have ever
been enforced in this way, but the PPPAA wants that to
change.

"Reduce, reuse, and recycle are the three words that are
destroying the American economy," said the Vice President
of PPPAA.  "When people share products and refuse to buy
new ones, they not only hurt our industry, but they
deprive the government of valuable sales tax revenue
necessary to save the children.  This kind of child abuse
must not be tolerated."

He also pointed out that file sharing can lead to serious
health problems. "If you hand a folder to a co-worker for
them to reuse, you are spreading potentially fatal germs
and bacteria throughout the workplace. This would not be a
problem, however, if you simply bought new products that
have been shrinkwrapped for your protection.  This isn't
just about money, it's about the health of your co-workers
and their children."

In an unrelated story, Bob Smith, the recent inventor of a
lightbulb that never burns out, was found dead earlier
today at his apartment in New Jersey.  Investigators,
however, quickly ruled out foul play, arguing that the 46
bullet holes in his chest was merely a "freak accident"
and nothing more.

--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/