[humorix] SCO's Hometown Declares State of Emergency

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

SCO's Hometown Declares State of Emergency
February 10, 2005

LINDON, UTAH -- The City of Lindon issued a disaster
declaration today after the first tractor-trailer arrived
delivering documents from IBM as part of the discovery process
in the SCO case.

"Our town simply isn't large enough to support the mass of
documents that IBM has been ordered to deliver," said a Lindon
city official.  "The trucks will destroy our roads, cause
traffic gridlock, and create blight within a 20-block radius
of the SCO World Headquarters Complex."

According to its calculations, IBM will need 2,952 truckloads
to deliver all of the paper documents that SCO has requested.
"This will be the largest fishing expedition in history," said
an IBM spokesperson.  "But we're happy to comply with the
court's order.  I can't wait to see the look on Darl McBride's
face when he can't find his office under the predicted 6 to 10
feet of accumulated paperwork."

IBM has graciously decided to submit the rest of the discovery
material on DVDs instead of paper.  However, this will require
another 1,640 truckloads, containing the complete source code
to every interim version of every IBM program ever written.

"SCO even demanded all of our code from 1890 to 1960," the IBM
spokesperson said with a wry grin.  "We thought about
delivering this software in its original punch-card form, but
we figured even the court would find that absurd.  So we
decided to just scan the cards, including the hanging chads,
and burn the uncompressed TIF images to DVDs.  This will only
produce another 42 truckloads instead of 2,623."

A team from the Federal Emergency Management Agency has been
dispatched to Utah to monitor the unfolding crisis.  "Federal
grants will be made available to the city to repair all of the
road damage caused by the incessant truck traffic," said a
FEMA official.  "If necessary, the White House will be asked
to issue a Brown Alert, in which the National Guard will be
dispatched to help stack documents and prevent oversized piles
from collapsing and killing innocent bystanders."

Despite the severe damage that could result from this
calamity, scientists are hopeful that a silver lining will
emerge.  Said one physicist at the Salt Lake Center For
Dubious Research, "The sudden movement and concentration of
all of this mass might have a measurable impact on the Earth's
rotation.   These gravitational measurements will provide the
raw data for countless Ph.D. dissertations."


--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/