[humorix] Congress Sued For Producing Defective Products

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Congress Sued For Producing Defective Products
February 7, 2005

WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CORRUPTION -- If companies can be
sued over defective products, then so can the Federal
government.  That's the new legal theory used in a pair of
lawsuits filed by two different groups against the US
Congress.

The first lawsuit alleges that the CAN SPAM Act is part of a
sinister conspiracy to secretly legalize spam while
pretending to fight it.  "This so-called law clearly
demonstrates that Congress is the biggest organized crime
racket in history," said an anti-spam advocate.  "It is an
example of false advertising, plain and simple."

But don't get too excited yet.  A second lawsuit, filed by
the IPHAA (Intellectual Property Hoarders Association of
America), argues that the DMCA (Direct Money Capturing Act)
has been a total disappointment for stopping online piracy.
"We bought and paid for this legislation and it simply  has
not lived up to expectations," said an IPHAA lawyer.  "It is
an example of false advertising, plain and simple."

Sen. Fattecat (R-Washington) was quick to defend his
Congressional colleagues.  "The CAN SPAM Act does what the
title suggests -- it says that spammer can spam.  I don't
understand why anybody would think that Congress has an
obligation to outlaw spam, which would be a flagrant
violation of free speech rights."

He added, "Meanwhile, I don't understand why Hollywood is
upset either.  They sent us a proposed draft of the DMCA,
which we quickly rubberstamped and enacted into law without
any changes.  If they wanted to give the FBI the power to
deport pirates to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, they
should have said so in the original proposal.  Of course, we
would have demanded an additional $50 million in campaign
contributions to cover our, uh, expenses. Whoops... I, er,
shouldn't have said that."

Fattecat's defense, however, doesn't sit well with the IPHAA.
Said the IPHAA's new Director of Public Relations (formerly
the Vice President of Brainwashing Propaganda), "The law is
fine, but it doesn't have any teeth.  Congress simply refuses
to provide the necessary funding to the FBI to go after these
domestic terrorists that threaten our entire industry."

"As a result of this appalling situation, we have no choice
but to issue our own subpoenas against 83-year-old
grandmothers.  This causes a downward spiral in public
opinion, but people need to understand that just because
somebody is 83 and deceased doesn't give them the right to
break the law! Until the FBI has enough funding to fight the
War on Piracy, then the DMCA must be considered defective..."


--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/