[humorix] Russia Donates Cyrillic Characters To Alleviate Acronym Shortage

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Russia Donates Cyrillic Characters To Alleviate Acronym Shortage
January 29, 2005

In an international gesture of goodwill, the Russian
government announced last week that it will help fight the
worsening SAS (Severe Acronym Shortage) by donating several
Cyrillic characters, with more on the way.

"The acronym shortage could devastate the world economy if
action is not taken soon," said a Russian government
official.  "The only solution is to increase the size of the
alphabet available for acronyms."

The Blartner Group has been warning about the impending ASC
(Acronym Shortage Crisis) since 2002 [1].  "Most acronyms are
written by English speakers limited to a paltry 26-letter
alphabet," Blort Blartner explained.   "It's no surprise that
ANCs (Acronym Namespace Collisions) are occuring at a rapidly
increasing rate.  This will place a huge burden on the IT
industry by hindering communication, potentially leading to a
rupture of the very fabric of the entire GE (Global Econony,
not General Electric)."

In a recent survey by the American Association Against Acronym
Abuse (AAAAA), 73% of people in computer-related fields
admitted that they "had created an acronym within the last
year that wasn't really necessary."  Shockingly, 5% of
participants acknowledged that they "might suffer an addiction
to stringing new acronyms together as a form of
entertainment."

Said the AAAAA chairwoman, "Russia's bold move will help to
disambiguate some acronyms, but it doesn't solve the root
problem: the AN (Acronym Namespace) is simply too polluted by
UACs (Unnecessary Acronym Creators).   IMHO, this situation
will require drastic measures, such as the creation of an AEPB
(Acronym Environmental Protection Bureau)."

However, the founder of the rival CNP (Coalition for Namespace
Purity) argued, "Adding another bureaucracy never works.  The
new office will simply create a whole new regime of acronyms,
such as requiring companies to submit an ACRF (Acronym
Creation Request Form) and an EISFAC (Environment Impact Study
For Acronym Creation) in the hopes of receiving an AACP
(Approved Acronym Creation Permit)."

Last month, the Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF)
formally adopted RFC 10523, which will require all future RFCs
to limit new acronyms to one per document.  "If a namespace
collision in unavoidable," the RFC states, "then an attempt
must be made to recycle obsolete acronyms first. If that
fails, then the new acronym must undergo NSD (Numeric Suffix
Disambiguation).  For instance, Xtreme Programming should be
called 'XP-1' in order to avoid confusion with Microsoft's
Xceptionally Pathetic operating system (Windows XP)."

"The IETF needs to take full responsibility for the entire zoo
of questionable acronyms that have been created by RFCs over
the last decades," said one IETF participant.  "It is
imperative that we reuse archaic acronyms like 'UUCP' and
'ARCHIE' and assign them more productive meanings."

It isn't just the computer industry that faces a threat from
the acronym shortage.  The USAF (United States Air Force) has
probably created more new acronyms than another other
institution in history.

"This is no laughing matter," said a USAF PAO (Public Affairs
Officer). "Last year we nearly suffered an SSS (Significant
Security Situation) when an MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) was
mistaken for an MRE (Massive Radioactive Explosive).  This
kind of problem could prove catastrophic in a combat
situation."

The PAO added, "The Pentagon has already launched an  ARC
(Acronym Review Committee) to weed out ORAs (Obsolete or
Redundant Acronyms).  In addition, the entire US military will
now encourage of the use of abbreviations instead of acronyms
for CritOps (Critical Operations) and StratInts (Strategic
Initiatives).  While we appreciate the help offered by the
Russian government, we believe we can solve this problem
without the need to outsource our language."


[1] http://humorix.org/articles/2002/05/acronyms/


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