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[humorix] Humorix Receives Donation From Microsoft
Humorix Receives Donation From Microsoft
Press Release, For Immediate Release
November 25, 2004
REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq: MSFT), the world's most
profitable, successful, and ethical software company in the
Universe, is pleased to announce a $20 donation to Humorix
(Nasdaq: Delisted), a tech-oriented humor website.
"We now love Microsoft," said Mr. G. E. Trich, Humorix's Chief
Accountant & Executive Book Cooker. "As a result of this deal,
the Humorix website will soon be upgraded to feature new
Microsoft-friendly content. In the meantime, the staff has been
invited to a quiet retreat at the Microsoft Re-Education Center
in Redmond."
The transaction comes on the heels of several charitable
contributions given by Microsoft to such organizations as
Apple, Sun, CCIA, and many more. "We are the world leader in
philanthropy and goodwill," said the Microsoft Vice President
of Manufacturing Positive Public Relations. "Our mission is to
use these inducements to unite the software industry under the
banner of the Microsoft Way... We hope to convert hostile
enemies into friendly supplicants."
"It's obvious that our attacks on Microsoft during the last
five years have been terribly misguided," said James Baughn,
Humorix founder and personal recipient of a generous $9.50
benefaction from Microsoft. "I'm a born-again Windows fan."
"This groundbreaking agreement will redefine the tech-related
fake news industry and help the children," stated another
Humorix staffer. "I'm looking forward to embracing the One
Microsoft Way and learning about all of the innovative
technology I have missed because of my ill-placed allegiance to
the inferior Linux platform."
After the transition, both of Humorix's regular readers can
look forward to upgraded humor articles, such as:
* Nine Out Of Ten Terrorists Prefer Linux
* Open Source Or Open Sores? The Answer Is Obvious
* Can You Trust Your Company To Software Produced By Hackers
Who Can Be Easily Bought By The Competition?
* Stuck At Zero RPM: Why Linux Package Management Sucks
* Linux Is A United Nations Conspiracy To Destroy America
* For Every Dollar The Open Source Community Has Donated To
Charities, Bill Gates Has Given $1.6 Trillion
* GNU/Linux GNU/Users GNU/Sick GNU/Of GNU/Richard GNU/M.
GNU/Stallman
* SCO's Lawsuit Is So Strong Microsoft Didn't Need To Give Them
Any Money
* Study: Windows Users Enjoy Better, More Frequent Sex
* Groklaw Demonstrates The Power Of Clueless Groupthink
* Blartner Group Uncovers Thousands Of Examples Of People Fired
For Choosing Linux
* Study: Linux Total Cost Of Ownership Is Lower... If You Have
28 Hours Per Day Available To Fix Weird Problems For Free
* Historian: If It Wasn't For Patent Protection, Edison
Wouldn't Have Bothered To Invent The Lightbulb
* Linux's Criminal Disdain For Patents Is Patently Offensive
* Flightless Bird An Excellent Mascot Choice For Flightless
Operating System
* FreeBSD Designed By People With Too Much Free LSD
* Comparison: Windows XP vs. Red Hat Linux 5.1
* Red Hat: An Obvious Reference To Communism
* The GPL Takes Away Your Freedom To Use Microsoft Solutions
* Using Old Linux CD-ROMs As Drink Coasters HOWTO
* Windows Source Code Most Valuable Asset In World History;
Insured At 19.3 Quadrillion Dollars
* Myth Exposed: Slashdot Effect Crashes More Apache Servers
Than IIS
* Linux Groupies Paranoid About Microsoft World Domination Need
To Seek Professional Treatment For Schizophrenia
The Humorix upgrade should be complete by the end of the year,
with a special preview edition available by December 15 for
registered members of the Microsoft Vast Fan Club(R) (formerly
the Humorix Vast Spy Network).
Microsoft can be reached using MSN at www.microsoft.com.
Humorix can now be reached at
supplicants.microsoft.com/humorix/default.aspx.
--
Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/