[humorix] Survey: Windows Users Prefer Crashes Over Exploits

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Survey: Windows Users Prefer Crashes Over Exploits
November 9, 2004

In a new survey sure to generate over 1,000 Slashdot
comments, a majority of Windows users admitted that they
pine for the "good old days" when the Blue Screen of Death
was the greatest problem, not viruses, spyware, phishing,
and security holes.  The survey, conducted by Swag &
Fudgers Polling Inc.,  suggests that many users would
willingly downgrade to Windows 98 or even 3.1 if they
could.

"I wish I had never joked about the bluescreen," said one
survey participant. "Windows XP is now more stable, but
that just means the bad guys have 24/7 access to my
personal information and spare CPU cycles.  Is this really
progress?  I want my Windows For Workgroups 3.11 back!"

According to the survey, 74% of participants rated recent
Windows versions as "much less likely to crash for no good
reason," but 85% agreed that "Windows XP security makes
Swiss cheese look solid."

"I'm beginning to think that Windows 95 was the high-water
mark for Microsoft innovation," said study author Dr. B.
S. Swag. "Why can't we go back to 1995?"

"Back in my day, we used a crufty windowing system grafted
on top of MS-DOS and WE LIKED IT!" ranted Mr. Curr
Mudgeon, an old fart I found hanging out at the local
coffee house during Senior Discount Day.  "We didn't have
to put up with any of this modern-day nonsense about
firewalls, service packs, and mail programs that do
everything except send mail."

The rant continued, "With Windows XP, you can't win.  If
you don't install SP2, then the only way to secure your
computer is to unplug the Ethernet cable -- and the power
cord, just to be safe. But if you do install SP2, then you
have to pray to Murphy that all of your custom-developed
applications won't suffer a spectacular meltdown."

Another coffee-gulping senior at the table chimed in
quietly, "This is strictly off the record, but I was able
to track down a vintage copy of Windows 3.11 on the black
market.  I installed it on my Celeron, and now it only
takes 0.2 seconds to launch Windows... and Solitaire has
never been more responsive!  I feel sorry for all those
poor schmucks still using Windows XP... but, hey, you've
got to have good connections to obtain vintage software
without getting in trouble with the Authoritarian Software
Bullies[1]."

[1] http://humorix.org/articles/2003/03/mobsters/


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