[humorix] Linux Makes It Easier To Outsource, Says Microsoft

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Linux Makes It Easier To Outsource, Says Microsoft
October 20, 2004

WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CLUELESSNESS -- In testimony before a
hearing of the US Senate Committee On Sucking Up To Large
Corporations, a Microsoft executive claimed that Linux and
Unix-like systems make it easier to telecommute, ultimately
leading to an increase in offshore outsourcing.

"What's good for Linux is bad for the American economy,"  said
the company's Minister of Information. "This operating system,
originally developed by European code-fascists, must be
stopped..."

According to Microsoft, all of the flaws of Windows were
intentionally designed to increase American job security.
"Linux servers require far less babysitting than Windows
machines, which makes it much easier to outsource system
administration jobs to India.  But since Windows requires
constant physical supervision to prevent crashes, virus
infections, spyware installations, and other problems, it
demands much more manpower and is far less conducive to
outsourcing.  This spurs US job growth and increases tax
revenue..."

The Microserf cited a recent survey by the Blartner Group
which shows that "over 100,000 jobs have been lost in the
United States because of Linux and open source software,
costing the federal government precious income tax revenue
that could be used to to feed nearly 63,500 disadvantaged
children..."

"It is imperative that this movement by long-haired, liberal,
anti-American pro-Marxist, tree-hugging Satan-worshippers be
squelched.  We propose that the Federal government reform
copyright laws to prohibit any copyright holder from licensing
software at no charge.  People should not have a right to give
stuff away as part of a fiendish plot to undermine the US
economy and starve innocent children."

While the committee did not act on Microsoft's recommendation,
the senators did seem moved by the testimony.  "Those damn
Eurocrats are at it again," said Sen. Fattecat (R-Washington).
"And I don't have the statistics in front of me, but I'm sure
9 out of 10 terrorists prefer open sores software."

Sen. Ny Evefool (D-Florida) agreed, saying, "Think of all of
the computer people that would become unemployed because of
the increased efficiency brought about by Loonix... Leenix...
whatever.  This is just not fair. We need these jobs in order
not to run off the 21st Century Information Superhighway and
slam into a cybercliff...  and won't somebody please think of
the children?"


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