[humorix] Plain Text Vulnerability Found In Linux; Microsoft Celebrates

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Plain Text Vulnerability Found In Linux; Microsoft Celebrates
October 18, 2004

REDMOND, WA -- After years of fighting security hole after
security hole in its software, Microsoft finally had reason
to celebrate this week.  Research by Microsoft's Embrace and
Extend Development Labs discovered a "cataclysmic" security
breach that impacts almost every Linux distribution.

"I can't believe any major business would base their future
on an amateurish operating system containing such a serious
exploit," said a Microsoft employee while opening a bottle
of champaigne to celebrate.  "This is best news we've had
all month... and I bet this is only the tip of the iceberg
for Linux insecurity."

When pressed for details about this supposed exploit, a
Microsoft spokesdroid was somewhat evasive.  However, he
finally relented and explained, "Under certain
circumstances, if a Linux system encounters the hexadecimal
ASCII string, '72 6D 20 2D 72 66 20 2F', then the kernel
will attempt to delete every file from the hard drive...
This behavior is unacceptable for a modern operating system
and it is, I must add, something that does not affect any
version of Windows."

After word of the discovery spread throughout the Microsoft
campus, many employees started celebrating, with large
quantities of adult beverages consumed.  "Party time!  Party
time!  We all knew Linux sucked, now we can prove it!"
shouted one IIS developer after spraying his co-workers with
bubbly.

As a result of the partying and resulting hangovers, work on
Longhorn (also known internally as Windows MT) was pushed
back for several days, putting the tentative release date at
Q3 2008.  "But this has been well worth it," said one
project manager.  "We needed something to celebrate.  It's
not every day you can find a way to cut off your
competitor's air supply.  This is the perfect ammunition for
convincing Congress to outlaw open source software."

Research by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) indicates that
Microsoft plans to unveil more Linux "exploits" in the
coming weeks.  "One employee just stumbled across a real
doozy... During some situations, Linux is vulnerable to the
plain text exploit, '6D 76 20 2F 73 62 69 6E 2F 69 6E 69 74
20 2F 73 62 69 6E 2F 62 69 6C 6C 72 75 6C 65 73', which can
prevent the system from successfully rebooting," said an
anonymous mole.

The SCO Group was quick to pounce on the news.  Said one
scofflaw, "This same problem affects SCO Unix, which just
proves beyond any reasonable doubt that Linux contains our
stolen code.  Somebody needs to go to jail!"


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