[humorix] Windows Reinstallations In About An Hour

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Windows Reinstallations In About An Hour
July 1, 2004

TACOMA, WA -- With 6 stores already in operation and 50 more
planned, entrepreneur Eric Gelding has discovered the
perfect money-making operation: fixing broken Windows
installations while customers wait.

"We've all seen the promises of eyeglasses in about an hour,
of 60 minute photo labs, and of 15 minute oil changes,"
Gelding said.  "So why not computer fixes while you wait?"

The business idea is rather creative, although the name,
"Window Washers, Inc.", is certainly not.  For a small fee,
Gelding's legion of reinstallation experts will backup up
your data and programs, wipe all of the malware from the
hard drive, install a fresh copy of Windows, and restore
your personal files.

"When you use Windows, regular maintenance is a must," he
said. "Just think of our Wapid Window Wiping(tm) service as
an oil change for your computer.  Sure, you might be able to
go without an oil change in your car for a long time, but
eventually things will catch up to you.  The same is true
for Windows. I recommend 3 months or 30 reboots between
services."

Gelded developed the idea after his father called one day
and said that his computer was running slower than molasses
on a glacier during a George Dubya Bush speech.

"It was obvious that my dad -- who for some inexplicable
reason refuses to use anything except Internet Explorer and
Outlook Express -- had managed to infect his PC with an
overflowing amount of malware.  It was then that he said,
'My car has millions of moving parts and yet I don't have to
put up with crap like this. Why are computers so damn
fragile?'"

"By the end of the week, the first Window Washers store was
in operation," he concluded.

Business has been booming, prompting Gelding to temporarily
change his guarantee to "Reinstallations In About Three
Hours" because of the long line of customers that spill out
of the waiting room each day.  He hopes that he can open new
locations fast enough to satisfy demand before any competing
businesses start to emerge.

However, Gelding's biggest fear is not competition, but
non-Microsoft operating systems.  "If Linux and Mac OS X
gain marketshare, then my pool of potential customers will
shrink. Long live Microsoft and insecure computing!"


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