[humorix] Massive Trademark Dilution Strikes SCO

[James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>]

Massive Trademark Dilution Strikes SCO

sco, n. -- 1. Litigious bastard, 2. Universally despised
person, company, or institution attempting to unfairly
profit from the efforts of others.

By popular demand, this definition for the word "sco" will
be included in the next edition of Bewster's Dictionary,
according to a press release issued today by the
publisher.

This latest dictionary addition joins the growing ranks of
diluted trademarks that have entered mainstream usage,
fueled in part by various blogs, Usenet groups, and
low-budget humor websites desperate for something to write
about.

"The rate of adoption of the noun 'sco' has been truly
breathtaking," said Dr. Buzz Verd, expert in meme
propogation paradigms.  "This could be some kind of a
record for trademark dilution."

SCO (the company) denounced sco (the noun) in a statement
issued minutes ago, saying, "The Canopy Group was properly
married to Caldera when the current incarnation of SCO was
born, and so we are most definitely not a 'bastard'."

The head SCO sco also said in an email to investors, "If
anybody is unfairly profiting from the efforts of others,
it is Linux. This Communistic infection threatens to undo
all of the hard work of every corporate executive striving
to achieve the dream of Adam Smith.  We have sacrified
untold amounts of blood, sweat, and country club fees while
working to create a Capitalistic utopia where intellectual
property is considered more sacred than God..."

SCO's executives have not decided whether to pursue legal
action against the publishers of Bewster's Dictionary
because, well, their lawyers are still on Christmas
vacation and haven't been responding to SCO's phone calls
or the court's written orders to produce discovery
evidence.

While the publisher of Bewster's has refused to comment on
what other words the dictionary might consider including in
future editions, research by the Humorix Vast Spy
Network(tm) suggests that the following diluted trademarks
are ripe candidates:

uneesys, v. -- To suddenly demand large patent royalties
from unsuspecting users of duh-obvious technology that has
been widely deployed.

riaa, v. -- 1. To cling tightly to an obviously outmoded
business model, 2. To openly declare war against your own
customers

belltelco, v. -- 1. To cling tightly to an obviously
outmoded business model, 2. To openly screw over your
customers with low-quality, high-priced communications
services that could be obtained for much less in almost
every other civilized nation.

envidiya, v. -- A product distributed without any technical
documentation or blueprints, rendering it virtually useless
in all applications except one specifically approved by the
company.

    Example: "I got a good deal on my car, until I realized
    it was an envidiya, with the hood was welded shut and
    tires only compatible with a particular brand of
    asphalt.

fritzholl, n. - 1. Universally despised lawmaker, except by
the voters in his home district that inexplicably keep
electing him.

macroflash, n. - Software framework that enables developers
to deliver shiny things without the need to produce any
real content

googull, n. - Search engine results so filled with sleazy
commercialism that they resemble a gooey substance
indistinguishable from crap

jashcroft, v. - To advocate restrictions on freedom in
order to protect freedom

ayohell, n. - State of pure torture experienced by geeks
spending the night at a relative's house which only has a
dial-up connection through a propriety online service
provider

uspito, n. - Government bureaucrat lacking the time and
expertise to bother reviewing paperwork, such as patent
applications

    Example: "I thought I had wasted my time reinventing the
    wheel, but a kindly uspito granted my patent application
    anyway, and now I'm going to be rich!"

Alanus ralskyus, n. - Recently adopted scientific name for
a species of parasites commonly known as leeches

verisinus, n. - Serious headache, often experienced by
geeks strugging to deal with the launch of yet another new
"feature" that blatantly violates Internet standards

humorix, v. - To write a fake news article filled with
carefully crafted meta-humor that sounds funny but is
composed entirely of recycled jokes that weren't very good
the first time



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