[humorix] Microsoft Ecstatic About New Geek Enemy

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Microsoft Ecstatic About New Geek Enemy
June 30, 2003

REDMOND, WA -- In an interview that appears in today's
issue of Billionaires Illustrated magazine, Microsoft's
Chief Bloatware Architect says that he is experiencing "an
endless bitmap of joy" now that another company has stepped
into the ring to take over as Geek Public Enemy Number One.

"Thanks to SCO, the amount of hate mail I receive has
dropped by 14%," the monopolist says during the interview
at his Summer Weekend Home 5.0 in the Catskills.  "You've
got to hand it to them... SCO has really found a way to get
under the skin of every Linux and open source zealot on the
planet."

He continues, "I frankly don't understand what SCO's
lawsuit is about -- I don't think even their lawyers have
been able to keep the story straight -- but the whole thing
has worked wonders for the campaign to eliminate Communism
from the face of the globe."

In a stinging rebuke, however, the brutal leader of North
Quba, Fido Castor, has sent a letter to the editor of
Billionaires Illustrated demanding that the magazine set
the record straight about Communism.  "To call Linux and
open source software 'Communistic' is a form of slander
against the real Communist countries of the world.  I will
not tolerate this abuse. Most open source projects are
conducted in a democratic manner, which is wholly
inconsistent with the North Quba Communist philosophy of
'The greatest good for the greatest number of palaces built
in my honor.'"

Meanwhile, in an interview with Better Mansions and
Monopolies magazine, a nameless spokesperson for the
Microsoft Marketing Department also expressed optimism
about SCO's actions.  "First we got the Department of
Justice off our backs and now we can temporarily ignore
another threat, Linux, while SCO's army of lawyers go to
work.  This gives Microsoft the opportunity to focus on our
current mission -- developing new software to stop the
deluge of spam and viruses that are being spread using the
security holes of Hotmail, Exchange, and Outlook..."

The same spokesperson did admit, however, the she wished
Microsoft was doing the suing instead of SCO.  "While we're
happy with SCO's actions, our legal department certainly
would have liked to be the first to launch a complex
lawsuit against those Communist pirate hippy freaks.  We
all know that much of Linux is a blatant rip-off of
Microsoft's hard-earned intellectual property -- just look
at vi, an obvious knock-off of Edlin.  And Emacs, Mozilla,
and Gnome all feature extreme levels of bloat -- a design
methodology that Microsoft pioneered. We will not be able
to ignore these infringements forever..."


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