[humorix] Ethics Scandal Rocks Humorix, Executive Indicted For Insider Trading

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Ethics Scandal Rocks Humorix, Executive Indicted For Insider Trading
June 5, 2003

HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- It all started with an
innocent-looking fake news story about Klingons that turned
out to be true.  Before long investigators were combing
through every byte in the Humorix archives looking for
truthful articles.

Now the company's Investment Relations Manager and
Executive Book Cooker, Mr. G. E. Trich, has been indicted
on 1 count of insider trading for selling his 1 million
shares of Humorix stock (ex-Nasdaq: FAUX, current value
$0e-16) before word spread about the company's explosive
ethics crisis.

"It's a shame really," wrote a columnist in today's New
York Times, the world's leading fiction publication.
"Humorix had a net value of a staggering $1.52 last month,
but because of the inability of their reporters and editors
to separate truth from fiction, the company is even more
worthless than a single Iraqi dinar."

Last week, outside investigators issued a report about
Humorix that said bluntly, "Since this low-budget operation
was founded nearly five years ago, every single staff
member has engaged in the same kind of despicable, uncouth,
lazy behavior -- telling the truth.  This is unacceptable."

Before the report became public, Mr. G. E. Trich allegedly
dumped all of his stock and used the proceeds to buy a new
ink pen to conduct his book cooking activities with.  (All
of his previous pens had run dry and of course Humorix was
too cheap to replace them -- office supplies are a
privilege, not a right.)

Trich appeared in court earlier today to plead "not
guilty".  The judge remarked, "You're being charged with
insider trading over 50 cents worth of stock?  You really
should be charged with 1 count of wasting my time."

According to Federal sentencing guidelines, if found
guilty, Trich could face a $20 fine and 15 to 20 minutes in
prison.  He plans to fully fight the indictment, however,
arguing, "I will do whatever it takes -- including
embezzling a million dollars -- to hire a dream team of
lawyers to defend me."

Mr. Trich isn't the only Humorix staff member to come under
the gun in recent weeks.  A recent editorial in the
International Inquirer, the world's leading non-fiction
publication, roasted the entire company for its shameful
'truthification' of the fake news.

"When publications with 'humor' in their name start going
around and telling the truth, it poisons the whole
community.  Anybody fooled by one of these not-fake fake
news stories will look with suspicious at every other humor
publication.   These transgressions are irreprehensible
because they debase sarcasm, weaken parody, undermine
buffoonery, and cripple comedy... That's the real tragedy
here."

Humorix's two regular readers, however, seemed unfazed by
recent revelations. "I dug through the site's archives and
looked at 77 articles and none of them seemed to contain
any nuggets of truth buried in them.  They are cork-free.
So what's the big deal?  Sometimes people make innocent
mistakes."

Noah Morals, Esq., Humorix's official legal counsel, was
quick to seize  upon that excuse.  "We made some honest
mistakes.  The articles in question -- the ones labeled as
fake news but which were actually true -- were meant for
writing practice only but were picked up accidentally by
our FTP script..."

He added, "Yeah, that's it.  Phew, what a nice save. That
should hold the little s.o.b.'s... Er, uhh, please don't
quote that last part."

--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/