[humorix] Humorix Writer Fired For Writing Real News

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Humorix Writer Fired For Writing Real News
May 11, 2003

HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- The world's largest
low-budget Linux humor website announced today that its
intern reporter, Ms. Ann Oneemuss, has been fired after she
admitted writing real news stories while labeling them as
fake.

"At Humorix, we abide by journalistic standards that
require us to publish only the finest fake news that our
imaginations can fabricate. To publish real news is
dishonest, unethical, and just plain wrong. We apologize
for any inconvenience that Ms. Oneemuss' truthful reporting
may have caused," Humorix's editor said.

Oneemuss was fired earlier today after attempting to file a
supposedly fake news article entitled, "Hordes Of
Klingon-Speaking Losers Descend On Oregon".  In the story,
she claimed to fabricate details of how Portland, Oregon
was soliciting job applications for a Klingon-English
translator to help communicate with mental patients.

"Oh, I immediately suspected this story was real," the
Humorix editor said. "You just can't make this stuff up.
And indeed Oneemuss did not make it up -- she stole the
idea from Slashdot[1].  While Slashdot does inadvertantly
publish a large number of fake or misleading stories, this
was not one of them. Oneemuss has been caught red-handed."

In her defense, the ex-intern reporter said, "I was getting
desperate. I hadn't written anything since April 23rd and I
needed a story idea quick.  The Klingon story featured such
extreme lunacy that I had no choice but to run with it.  I
hoped that it would be so unbelievable that nobody would
believe it was real, but that didn't happen..."

After reviewing all of her previous stories, the staff of
Humorix has been unable to find anything else that is
blatantly real.  "However, some of the articles might
possibly contain a kernel of truth," the editor admitted.
"We haven't had a chance to thoroughly check on them, but
if we do find anything truthful we will immediately issue a
correction and an apology."

Bob, Humorix's Regular Reader #3, expressed concern after
learning of the firing.  "This is all very bewildering.  If
Oneemuss was actually fired, then that means this story --
and this quotation I'm giving right now --  is also true,
which means the author of this story is also guilty of
truthfulness.  But if this story is fake, as it should be,
then that means this quotation is fabricated, which means
that I exist only as the figment of somebody's imagination
and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence!"

Ms. Oneemuss didn't seem too worried about her future now
that she has been escorted out of the building by "Bubba",
the Humorix security guard/sumo wrestler.  "It's obvious
from my writing portfolio that I can seemlessly go from
real material to fake material and back again without
hesitation.  That kind of talent will allow me to go places
-- such as Microsoft's Marketing Department."


[1] http://slashdot.org/articles/03/05/11/0235254.shtml

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