[humorix] Dotcoms Stay Afloat By Pooling Unsolicited Credit Card Offers

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Dotcoms Stay Afloat By Pooling Unsolicited Credit Card Offers
April 7, 2003

SILLYCON VALLEY -- Hugh Suree didn't know what to do.  His
pride and joy, DiscountToiletPaperByMail.com, was about to
go under.  He couldn't afford to pay the company's gourmet
chef anymore.  The luxury cars given as a bonus to every
employee had alrady been sent to the Repo Depot.  Things
had gotten so bad that the company's lifeline and most
important asset -- its T3 line -- was about to be
unplugged.

But then a miracle occured.

Taking advantage of the dozens of unsolicited credit card
offers his business had received over the last few months,
Seree was able to instantly command a $1.5 million credit
line and pay off his debts.

Seree explained, "For years I had gotten snail mail that
read, 'Dear occupant, because of your stellar credit
history, we are pleased to announced you have been
pre-approved for our Gold Bronze VIP Latinum MasterPass(R)
credit card!' I always chucked these offers in the trash
can... until I realized just how much money I could
accumulate for my business if I accepted all of them!"

As an added bonus, Seree has also received 5.4 billion
frequent flier miles, good for a free upgrade to first
class on any flight from San Francisco to Oakland!

"This has been a Godsend," he gushed.  "If it wasn't for
this sudden infusion of cash, I would be back in Arkansas
working at my father's Lard Rendering Plant.  And when the
credit card bills start arriving, I'll simply pay them off
using the new credit cards that I've just  accepted.  What
a deal!"

DiscountToiletPaperByMail.com isn't the only dotcom taking
advantage of unsolicited junk mail. Gull E. Buhl,
co-founder of eMatchMakingForTotalLosers.com, boasted,
"Thanks to all of the free credit available, I have been
able to keep my .com in business for almost 8 months --
that's over 3 times longer than the average dotcom!  Now if
only all of those unsolicited spam offers about penis
enlargment products worked as well as this.  Believe me,
I've tried..."


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