[humorix] The Great Windows Sales Tax Refund

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

The Great Windows Sales Tax Refund
February 27, 2003

FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA -- The Windows End-Luser License
Agreement states quite clearly, "The SOFTWARE PRODUCT is
licensed, not sold."  If this is true, however, then how
come computer stores charge sales tax on software
purchases?

That was the question posed by the group of about 100
protestors who protested in front of the North Dakota state
capitol building earlier this week -- that is, until they
realized the state's capital is in Bismarck, not Fargo.

"We must protest this outrage," said an outraged
protestor.  "We don't even get the privilege of owning our
software and yet the government levies sales taxes on it. 
Taxation without ownership is far worse than taxation
without representation!"

A Microsoft spokesperson responded by saying that when
customers purchase software at a store, they indeed do own
it -- the cardboard box and manual, plus the obligatory
stack of "REGISTER YOUR SOFTWARE NOW OR FACE THE
CONSEQUENCES!" warnings.

"Some of our customers have said that our promotional
literature makes excellent fire kindling or birdcage
liner," the Microserf said. "You can do whatever you like
with that paper -- you own it.  And the CDs?  They make
excellent beverage coasters."

The protestors didn't like that answer one bit.  "I don't
buy shrinkwrapped software for the manuals -- hell, 95% of
software doesn't even come with manuals anymore.  They
expect you to read the 1000 page manuals with a PDF viewer
in which the text font is smaller than Flyspeck-3."

"We demand refunds for all of the sales taxes that have
been illegally collected on software that was for rent, not
sale," one protestor bellowed in front of the statehouse
when the group finally arrived in Bismarck.  "We're sick of
this hypocrisy -- Microsoft should no longer be able to
claim that they sell software while also claiming that
customers don't own it and don't have any rights."

Unfortunately, the protests will likely do more harm than
good. Several legislators took notice, with one saying,
"What?  We have the power to impose sale taxes on items
that aren't sold?  Cool!  We could use this power to prop
up our state budget...  And let's not forget that CD-ROMs
contain trace amounts of gold... we should start charging
luxury taxes to anybody who possesses a CD!"

The idiot that invented the idea of licensing software
instead of selling it was unavailable for comment at press
time.

--
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