[humorix] Linux Distributor Admits Falsifying Bankruptcy To Increase Sympathy Sales

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Linux Distributor Admits Falsifying Bankruptcy To Increase Sympathy
Sales
Ann Oneemuss, Humorix Unpaid Intern Reporter
January 27, 2003

WINSTON-SALEM, NC -- In a shocking announcement, Linux
distributor Black Fedora (Nasdaq: delisted) admitted
earlier today that the company falsified accounting records
and understated its revenue by 60%.

"We hoped we could drum up sales by convincing hard-core
Linux zealots that we were about to go under and that we
desperately needed their support," explained Black Fedora's
Vice President of Creative Marketing.  "Our accountants
used a variety of tricks to make it appear that we were
only days away from bankruptcy, when in fact we have enough
cash reserves to last at least three weeks."

Company executives hoped that the threat of bankruptcy
would inspire Linux longhairs to actually buy their
products instead of downloading ISOs for free.  "Nobody
wants to see a Linux distributor go under -- that just
becomes another victory for Microsoft," said the company's
CEO.  "Besides, with each purchase you get a cute Tux
Penguin doll wearing a black fedora.  Now who wouldn't want
that?"

Black Fedora would have gotten away with their accounting
irregularities if it wasn't for one of the company's five
stockholders that blew the whistle on the deception.  

"Most companies figure that nobody ever looks at their
financial disclosures, but I did," said the whistleblower,
Eric McFlurgelhan of 421 Oak Street in North Podunk, NC.   
"I figured something was wrong when the company only listed
$40 in revenue last quarter.  I knew four of my friends
purchased Black Fedora Advanced Server at $60 a pop, so it
was obvious that revenue had to be higher than that..."

An investigator for the Securities and Exchange Commission
was perplexed by Black Fedora's fraud.  "I've seen many
companies that overstated their revenue and assets to fool
investors into thinking their stock was still worth
something when in fact the company CEO had already stolen
all the money and bought a small island in the Pacific. 
But I've never seen the opposite.  Why would any company
want people to think they were about to become bankruptcy
bait?"

Since the deception didn't cost investors any money, no
charges or lawsuits are expected to be filed against the
company, although several customers have demanded refunds. 
The president of the North Carolina Linux World Domination
Committee complained, "If I had known that Black Fedora was
doing okay, I would have spent my sympathy money on
something else, such as Humorix -- everybody knows that
outfit could go belly up at any time..."

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