[humorix] This Is A "Code Taco" Slashdot Effect Emergency!

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

This Is A "Code Taco" Slashdot Effect Emergency!
November 4, 2002

HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- Two Humorix unpaid interns
were injured earlier today as the result of mass panic
induced by an unexpected attack of the dreaded Slashdot
Effect[1].  The sudden Distributed Denial of Service Attack
brought our servers to their knees and caused one poor
machine to overheat and catch on fire, setting two rooms
ablaze and destroying the pool table and pinball machines
we purchased back in the good ole days when we couldn't
stop Venture Capitalists from giving us money.

The two injured interns are actually specially bred
chickens trained to peck the reboot button on our two
Windows PCs when the screen turns blue. We keep these
machines around just in case somebody delivers a crucial
Word document that we can't open on our own Linux boxes, or
just in case somebody suffers uncontrollable Solitaire
withdrawl symptoms.  Rest assured, these tainted Windows
machines are kept in an isolated part of the building with
a seperate ventilation and power system to protect the rest
of our Linux computers.

When the Slashdot Effect struck at 6:02:34 PM CST today,
these two chickens were munching on some seed corn in the
employee lounge during one of their break periods.  They
were trampled by the horde of Humorix employees frantically
running for the exits to escape from the attack. 
Thankfully, both will survive and are currently in stable
condition at the Podunk Valley Animal Hospital.

It seems clear the our emergency response plan let us
down.  While we were able to initiate a "Code Taco" alert
within 3 minutes of the attack, the alarm klaxxons that
sounded throughout the building sent everybody into a state
of panic.  Humorix has held "Slashdot Drills" in the past
in which our employees proceeded calmly to their assigned
emergency stations and performed their duties to prevent
the attack from causing damage.  That didn't happen this
time.

"I lost my head," explained Jon Splatz, Humorix Official
Pundit, Social Commentator, and Easily Frightened Coward. 
"When the alarm went off and the loudspeaker said 'Code
Taco!  Code Taco!  This is not a drill,' I simply forgot
all of my training.  I'm supposed to proceed to the second
floor, grab a fire extinguisher, and put out any fires in
Server Room #2A.  Instead, I freaked out and ran for the
exit, bowling over two other employees..."

Fortunately, the building's sprinkler system finally
activated and put out the flames before they spread to any
additional rooms.  Unfortunately, the hard drives on the
computers that house the company's official stash of
pornography -- which took several thousand precious
man-hours to collect -- were damaged by the sprinkler
water.  

Preliminary calculations show that the damage caused by the
Great Slashdot Effect Attack of November 2002 will likely
total several dozen dollars.  "The destruction was really
much higher," explained Mr. G. E. Trich, Humorix's
Executive Book Cooker, "but I can cook the books in such a
way that most of the losses can be written off through tax
breaks. We should be thankful that this attack was merely a 
6.3 on the Baughn-Splatz DDOS intensity scale.  It could
have been much worse."

In the wake of this disaster, Humorix will spearhead a
public-education campaign to warn other website publishers
of the dangers of the Slashdot Effect.  Prevention methods
-- including configuring Apache to deny access to any
visitor from an IP in the Andover/VA Linux/OSDN/Whatever
Network -- should be deployed as quickly as possible.  At
one time Humorix had sophisticated anti-Slashdot software
running[2], but we became complacent in the years since the
last attack, much to our detriment.  Other Internet
denizens cannot afford to make the same mistake.

It will take a concerted effort by webmasters everywhere to
prevent the tremendous power of the Slashdot Effect from
tearing apart the very fabric of the Internet.  Only you
can prevent Slashdot-induced server fires.


[1] http://slashdot.org/articles/02/11/04/156217.shtml?tid=133
[2] http://humorix.org/articles/mar99/prevention-kit.shtml
--
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