[humorix] Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike
September 3, 2002

BOSTON, MA -- Taking a cue from Major League Baseball
players, several hundred free software developers have
threatened to go on strike, setting a deadline of September
5 at which time they will step away  from their keyboards
until their demand is met.

"We've had a enough of this crap," said one of the 511
coders that have banded together to form the Union of
Professional Software Developers Producing Amateur
Half-Finished Open Source Programs.  "Unless we get some
satisfaction, I hope to take a nice long vacation away from
my terminal -- well, at least for a few days until my Quake
addiction strikes back."

Earlier today, several protestors protested in front of the
Free Software Foundation in Boston, holding signs and
chanting, "Hell no we won't code/Mr. Stallman, hit the
road!" and "What's the matter with GNU?  Everything!"

Of course, the group -- composed entirely of programmers
without a single public relations flack -- had difficulty
getting their message out. It wasn't until this reporter
did some actual legwork (instead of merely regurgitating
press releases) that it finally became clear what the
hackers were threatening to strike over.

They want Richard M. Stallman to stop insisting that
everybody call everybody's favorite operating system by the
name "GNU/Linux".  

"Here we are, slaving over hot computer terminals for hours
on end, and what happens when we go to a Linux User Group
meeting?" asked 'BurritoGuy', the head of the union.  "RMS
comes in and starts roasting us for saying Linux instead of
GNU/Linux.   I'm sick and tired of this insanity and I'm
not going to take it any more!"

RMS has refused to budge from his position.  The two camps
have not attempted negotiations, which makes the chance of
averting a strike about the same as that of Microsoft going
out of business today.  

One union member has drafted a compromise proposal in which
Open Source developers would agree to use the name
"GNU/Linux" once for every five uses of plain "Linux". 
"This acknowledges the contributions of the GNU  Project
without making us say a mouthful all the time," the member
said.

Another Linuxista has offered a compromise in which 'GNU'
is replaced by something a little less ugly.  In a Usenet
posting, he explained, "This wouldn't be so bad except
everybody always wants to know what 'GNU' stands for.  Just
as soon as I mention the words 'recursive acronym', their
eyes glaze over.  How many Pointy Haired Bosses have been
turned off to open source software because of GNU's Not
Unix? Maybe if RMS would come up with an easier-to-say name
that doesn't scream 'Geeks Only!' then maybe we would adopt
it."

The possibility of a compromise, however, seems remote. 
The union and the GNU Project remain poles apart on the
issue.  "It seems clear that Mr. Stallman is going to
stall," one industry observer observed.  We'll probably see
more progress from the HURD...er, GNU/HURD project than
from this."

If the conflict escalates, however, the union may be forced
to back down.  While open source developers are sympathetic
to the goal of the union, many have refused to join.  Said
one, "I'm not going to let Microsoft get a head start
because we're busy fighting over something so trivial.
While my brethren are striking, I'll keep working -- and
I'll sidestep the whole problem by referring to Linux as
simply 'The Operating System', or 'Tee-oh-ess'."

Stayed tuned to Humorix as we monitor the situation and
continue to make up fake news about the first work stoppage
(er, hobby stoppage) in Open Source history.

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