[humorix] HP Drops Dell, Picks Up Dellbert's

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

HP Drops Dell, Picks Up Dellbert's
July 24, 2002

In a surprise change of strategy, Hewlett-Packard dropped
its contract to supply printers to Dell in order to partner
with rival Dellbert's Computer Store of Hooteewayfield,
Alabama.  While the demand for new printers for Dellbert
computers will be, in the words of HP's spokesweasel,
"slightly lower" than for Dell, the company still expects
to come out ahead.

"Since Dell is about to come out with their own line of
printers, we had no choice but to stop taking their money,"
said the spokesweasel. "We would rather our printers rot in
a vacant warehouse than go to some company that is
conniving against us."

Tom Dellbert, founder of the computer store (now with two
locations!), was obviously ecstatic over the deal.  "Thanks
to this deal, my customers will receive a 1.2% discount on
all HP printers bundled with a new computer. Maybe I'll be
able to increase my average weekly computer sales from
fifteen to twenty!"

The annoying Dell commercial guy, acting as the company's
official spokesdude, was visibly upset.  "Before, we would
sell HP printers and HP would make money.  Now HP is not
letting us sell their printers, so they will not make
money.  I don't get it.  Dude, I'm getting a headache."

Microsoft's Chief Bloatware Architect was also visibly
upset over the news.  "If I pulled something like this," he
said, "entire squadrons of anti-trust lawyers would invade
my mansion's thirty front doors.  Of course, I could easily
win any court battles by simply playing the standard 
the-economy-will-collapse-if-Microsoft's-freedom-to-innovative-is-infringed
card... but it would be a real bother.  How come nobody
ever accuses HP of monopolistic tactics, but every time I
sneeze, somebody always assumes it's all part of a vast
conspiracy to wipe out -- spit -- Linux?"

Dell executives predict that the company will not be able
to offer its own line of printers for at least another two
months.  In the meantime, all new Dell computer systems
will come bundled with driving directions on reaching the
nearest CompUSSR Superstore that carries HP printers. "Our
customers that insist on getting screwed by the HP
cartridge tax will still be able to, but they will just
have to work a little harder during this transition
phase..."

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