[humorix] GNU Project Unveils Patent-Free GNU/DIST Image Format

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

GNU Project Unveils Patent-Free GNU/DIST Image Format
July 19, 2002

At 3:17 PM on July 18, 2002, Richard M. Stallman and the
GNU Project first received word that the JPEG image format
was suddenly encumbered by patents.  Within three hours,
the GNU Rapid Response Team developed, implemented, tested,
and documented a brand new image file format that is 100%
patent-free and 100% freedom-enhanced.  The new format,
dubbed GNU/DIST (Digital Image Storage Type), stores
graphics data in plain text which can then be compressed by
an external unpatented program like gzip or bzip2.

"Burn all JPEGs!" Richard M. Stallman exclaimed in a
posting to Usenet which contained the world's first
GNU/DIST file attachment.  "If we don't act now, the
world's supply of pornography could be compromised by the
bait-and-switch tactics of the JPEG patent holders."

While no graphics programs or web browsers can currently
read GNU/DIST files,  deployment should happen rapidly
because the file format is extremely easy to decode. Here's
a sample file:

---

GNU/DIST 1.0.0
Filename: gnu-logo.gnudist
License: GNU General Public License 2.0
Alternate_Text: This image depicts the GNU logo and the
text "No JPEGs or GIFs due to patent problems."
Image_Mode: bitmap
Width: 150 px
Height: 120 px
Color_Depth: 24 bits
Transparency: Yes
Animated: No
Encoding_Mode: So Simple Even An MCSE Can Understand It (version 1.0.0)
Encoding_URL: http://www.gnu.org/gnudist/encoding/mcse-1.0.0/
Image_Begin:
Row 0, Col 0: #000011
Row 0, Col 1: #FFA112
Row 2, Col 15: #66B901
...etc...

---

One of the GNU/DIST developers, Mr. Pat Entbuster,
explained, "Every file must include an URL to a webpage
with an explanation of how the file was encoded along with
sample GPL-licensed demo source code that shows how to read
and write it.  In this case, the file uses the default 'So
Simple Even An MCSE Can Understand It' method that stores
the hexadecimal color of each pixel on its own line."

He continued, "We've hedged our bets by creating a file
format that is so simple, so self-explanatory, and so
stupifyingly obvious that even the most airheaded patent
examiner will reject all attempts to patent it. Meanwhile,
users can take advantage of whatever file compression tool
they want without being forced to use the patent-encumbered
algorithms of GIF and JPEG files.  It's a win-win
situation, except for greedy intellectual property lawyers
working for Big Evil Corporations that will now be unable
to purchase that second yacht or airplane that they so
desperately need."

Thanks to the sheer power of open source development,
coupled with the lack of time-wasting social lives by most
geeks, many projects are expected to fully support GNU/DIST
images within the next 36 hours.  Meanwhile, Richard M.
Stallman has personally coded a batch conversion program
that will allow people to convert their JPEG image
collections (mostly porn, of course) to GNU/DIST files
before the Intellectual Property Police come knocking.

"We've been prepared for a crisis such as this for years,"
RMS said. "The 32-member GNU Rapid Response Team was able
to avert disaster by deploying an alternative file format
before the first "First Post!" was posted to Slashdot in
response to the news of the JPEG patent.  If we can keep up
this level of emergency response, I predict the world we be
free of copyrights and patents by the year 2512."

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