[humorix] From Domain Names To Domain Nations

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

From Domain Names To Domain Nations
April 10, 2002

SYNN CITY, ICANNIA -- Recently, ICANN (ICANN Controls All
Network Navigation) voted to eliminate all vestiges of
democracy from its structure and transform itself into an
independent island nation with its own currency and
standing army (consisting of bureaucrats, lawyers,
marketers, and PR flacks).  The new country of "Icannia"
will maintain monopolies on its only resources, Internet
domain names and hot air.

In response, the Internet community has declared ICANN as
damage and has already taken steps to route around it.  Mr.
Les Hope, founder of the brand new organization NO-U-CANNT
(the meaning of the acronym hasn't been decided yet),
explained in a public address carried via live ASCII
broadcast, "We must take back our domain names before ICANN
chief Luart 'Napolean' Synn is able to crown himself
Emperor Of The Internet!"

NO-U-CANNT has not yet formulated a plan to defeat ICANN or
Icannia. Indeed, NO-U-CANNT still hasn't figured out how
its own structure should be set up.  Earlier today, the
PAHCC (Preliminary Ad-Hoc Constitutional Committee) held a
RFD (Request For Discussion) meeting but didn't  make any
headway on creating a PPP (Preliminary Progress Plan)
towards drafting an Interrim Provisional NO-U-CANNT Core
Charter.  

"One of the problems with ICANN is its bloated,
bureaucratic nature.  All of ICANN's responsibilities could
be adequately handled by a well-written Perl script and yet
this supposed non-profit organization spends millions of
dollars on legal fees," explained the IALC (Interrim
At-Large Chairman) of NO-U-CANNT before attending a BFE
(Big Fundraising Event) to raise funds to pay for the BPD
(Beer, Pizzas, and other Digestibles) that will be freely
distributed at upcoming meetings of the ADWG (Acronym
Definition Working Group) and PAHCC (Preliminary Ad-Hoc
Constitutional Committee).

Not everybody is jumping up and down at the opportunity to
overthrow ICANN.  "Meet the new boss, same as the old
boss," said a charter member of the "Verisign Stole My
Domain Name And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt That I Had
To Buy Myself" support group. "The only real solution," he
continued, "is to invent a time machine and bring back Jon
Postel alive from the past."

One crackpot said, "Our only hope is to eliminate the
entire Domain Name System and replace it with something
else.  My company, Free Energy, Cold Fusion, and Mind
Reading Technologies Ltd., has developed a prototype device
for reading a computer's users mind and translating their
thoughts into the IP address of the website they wish to
visit.  We hope to have a working prototype (running on our
patended dielectric sub-lateral trans-dimensional
heavy-water cold fusion device)  next year, funding
permitting."

From his new office in Synn City, Icannia, the Interrim
Malevolent Dictator Luart Synn issued a statement that
said, "By forming our own independent nation, Icannia will
be able to provide high-quality domain names at reduced
prices while also offering several exciting new Top Level
Domains including .spam, .mlm, .workfromhome,
.getrichquick, and .casino.  We welcome other large
businesses and organizations to join us and reap the
rewards of forming your own independent nation free from
taxes and free from those pesky consumer protection
regulations."
--
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