[humorix] Humorix Declares Bankruptcy; Congress Does Not Launch Inquiry

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Humorix Declares Bankruptcy; Congress Does Not Launch Inquiry
February 12, 2002

HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- As the result of shady
accounting practices and irrational exuberance, Humorix
World Domination, Inc.  (formerly Nasdaq: FAUX) has filed
for Chapter 10 bankruptcy protection. The US Congress,
currently conducting 23 investigations into the failure of
Enron Corp., has declined to launch any investigations into
the collapse of Humorix, much to the disappointment of
Humorix's staff.

"Dammit, one of my life's goals has been to appear before
the House Judiciary Committee and plead the Fifth,"
exclaimed Humorix's lawyer Mr. Noah Morals.  "Sheesh, what
does it take to get a subpoena these days?"

The Humorix fiduciary crisis came exactly two years after
the hiring of Chief Accountant and Executive Book Cooker
Mr. G. E. Trich.  He explained, while frantically running
cooked books through an industrial-strength paper shredder,
"OK, so I lied on my employment application.  I only
obtained a bachelor's degree in Shady Accounting, not a
Ph.D.  I'm not the expert everyone thought I was.  So sue
me.  Please! I want to have my day in court so that I can
appear on CourtTV in front of millions of people and earn
my 15 minutes of fame!"

During the past two years, Humorix burned money left and
right without showing any kind of profit.  The company
raised just enough money during its Initial Public Offering
to keep it afloat, but only Mr. G. E. Trich was aware of
the company's borderline finances.  Company founder James
Baughn, who rarely attended meetings or, for that matter,
hardly ever left the glowing warmth of his CRT, was
blissfully unaware of these accounting irregularities.  Or
at least that's his story.  He has been away on an
"extended lunch break" for the past month and was therefore
unavailable for comment at press time.

Last week the company was unable to pay its bills,
including a $18.95 water bill and the $5 monthly membership
fee for the Linux Distro Of The Month Club(tm).  According
to the latest accounting figures (which may or may not have
been cooked), Humorix is in the red by $121.73.  

In a press release issued by the company yesterday, Mr. G.
E. Trich says that the Chapter 10 reorganization should
allow the company to continue operations for 10, maybe 20
days at its current burn rate. "We will recover," the
sugar-coated release states.  "We've outlasted almost every
dotcom and we're not about to go under now... at least not
until we achieve World Domination."

Humorix stock was delisted from Nasdaq yesterday when it
hit  $1e-37 per share, setting a new world record for
lowest stock price in the history of Capitalism.  The
Nasdaq computer systems, running on Intel processors,
rounded the stock price to zero, setting off a series of
Divide By Zero errors.  As a result, Nasdaq officials
wasted no time eliminating the stock from its trading
systems.  

For those people who need a quick tax write-off, Humorix
stock is now listed at Bob's Over-The-Counter Stocks &
Illegal Gambling Center located in the basement of a
run-down apartment on Third Street in East St. Louis.
Incidentally, several investment firms downgraded the stock
from "Sell Immediately You Idiot" to "Counterfeit Money Is
More Legitimate Than This Stock", which is still one grade
higher than Enron stock.
--
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