[humorix] Bill Gates Receives Slap On Wrist; Carpal Tunnel Flares Up

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
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take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Bill Gates Receives Slap On Wrist; Carpal Tunnel Flares Up
November 2, 2001

REDMOND, WA -- The phrase "slap on the wrist" usually
signifies an extremely minor punishment received for a
crime.  In Bill Gates' case, the punishment set forth in
the tentative settlement with the Department Of Justice
hasn't been quite so minor.  After receiving a slap on the
wrist from the DOJ, Bill Gates' is now suffering from a
severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

"Mr. Gates was slapped on the left wrist earlier today by a
DOJ lawyer," said the chief surgeon of the mini-hospital
enclosed within the Gates Mansion.  "Now he can't move that
hand without extreme pain.  It's obvious that years of
sitting in front of a computer plotting world domination
has caused his hands and nerves to become fragile and
vulnerable to even the slightest touch."

The settlement sent Microsoft's stock up several points
today, increasing Bill Gates' portfolio by a cool billion
or so.  With this extra cash, the Chief Bloatware Architect
can easily afford the best medical care possible.  He wants
wrist surgery performed as soon as possible.  Not only is
his left hand essential for typing internal memos
describing how to cut off the air supply of Microsoft
competitors (assuming any still exist), it's also vital for
quickly  issuing a CTRL-ALT-DELETE key sequence.

"He'll be back to playing Solitaire (on the computer) and
Monopoly (in the real world) within a matter of days,"
boasted the chief surgeon.  "And if by some strange chance
the surgery is unsuccessful, we might consider paying
somebody a billion or so to donate a limb for an arm
transplant."

The Department of Justice proclaimed that the incident has
vindicated their actions.  Explained the lawyer who
delivered the punishment, "We've been accused of selling
out to Microsoft. We've been criticized for giving up even
though we've already won the game.   But that's all wrong. 
It's quite clear that the slap-on-the-wrist punishment we
settled on has been anything but a slap on the wrist. We
won this case and Microsoft lost.  So there!"

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