[humorix] 8GB Ought To Be Enough For Anybody

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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8GB Ought To Be Enough For Anybody
Fake News ~ October 13, 2001

REDMOND, WA -- In a shocking move, Microsoft has revealed
that the new Xbox console will only contain an 8 gigabyte
hard drive.  This implies that the machines will use a
version of the Windows operating system that fits within
only 8GB. Squeezing Windows into such a small footprint must
certainly be one of the greatest technological achievements
ever crafted by Microsoft's Research & Assimilation
Department.

"I can't believe it," said one industry observer who always
happens to show up when this Humorix reporter needs to quote
somebody.  "To think that they were able to strip away the
easter egg flight simulators, the multi-gigabyte yet
content-free Help files, and all of the other crap that
comes bundled with Windows is simply remarkable.  I don't
even want to think about all of the manpower, blood, sweat,
and tears required to  distill Windows into only 8 gigabytes
of bare essentials.  Wow!"

The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) obtained a leaked memo from
Red Hat based on a leaked memo from Sony based on a leaked
memo from Microsoft that sheds some light on the situation. 
According to this source, Microsoft originally planned on
installing 10GB hard drives because they assumed it was
simply impossible to force Windows into anything smaller
than 10 gigs.  But Microsoft's engineers pulled off the
impossible. Since the company didn't want to leave 2
gigabytes of free space on the Xbox's hard drive (space that
could be used by evil hackers to install Linux or other
non-Microsoft programs), management decided to reduce the
drives to 8 gigs and save some pennies in the process.

We've also received word that even though the Xbox version
of Windows has been sliced and diced mercilessly to bring it
down to 8 gigs, it still contains the core features that
Microsoft groupies have come to expect.  For instance, the
bluescreen is still in there. And Solitaire is still
included, although the Xbox version features
three-dimensional rendering technology to make the cards
look even more realistic.  

Hard drive manufacturers are deeply disturbed over the news.
Explained one PR flack at Eastern Analog,  "We depend on
Microsoft to continually produce bloated software that
becomes larger and larger with each passing day.  We can't
sell huge 100GB drives if Microsoft Windows only occupies a
measly 8 gigs! The majority of people simply don't have
enough porn and MP3s to fill up their current hard drives. 
They will never buy a new drive if Microsoft doesn't force
them!"

The Xbox is expected to go on sale "next month", although
it's not entirely clear whether that means November 2001...
or November 2002.


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