[humorix] Sircam Virus Fights Terrorism! (Says Microsoft)

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Sircam Virus Fights Terrorism! (Says Microsoft)
Fake News ~ September 27, 2001

The weasals in the Microsoft Marketing Department have done
it again. Faced with yet another PR disaster following
multiple virus outbreaks, the marketers have worked
overtime to create one of the most fiendish spin campaigns
ever. 

The Sircam Virus, according to a series of press releases
spewed by Marketing, actually represents a useful law
enforcement tool for catching suspected terrorists, child
pornographers, baby killers, and (of course) evil hackers
and pirates.

Explained the Marketing Department's Vice President Of Spin
Control, Mr. Seymour Hipe, "Sircam sends out random
documents found in the victim's 'My Documents' folder. 
This provides an excellent law enforcement tool -- if
somebody receives a top-secret terrorist plan in Word
format, they can forward the document to the FBI&PV."

While the FBI&PV has received well over 100,000 tips
relating to the terrorist case, the Humorix Vast Spy
Network(tm), after extensive research, has concluded that
exactly zero of these tips have involved illicit documents
sent by Sircam.  

This minor fact doesn't trouble Microsoft Marketing.  Says
Mr. Hipe, "Who knows what might happen in the future?  What
if the ringleader of the terrorist plot is caught because
somebody happens to receive a document entitled 'Top Secret
Plan To Destroy WTC As Envisioned By Osama Bid Laden'? 
Then what will you think of Microsoft's shoddy programming
that easily allows anti-terrorism viruses to spread?"

Another Microserf chimed in, "Let's not forget about other
viruses! By bringing Windows servers to their knees, the
Nimda virus prevents would-be terrorists from communicating
using evil, diabolical encryption software.  Meanwhile,
Linux servers that stay up for years at a time provide a
perfect platform for terrorist activities.   Windows
provides the kind of unstable, unreliable computing
platform that helps to thwart terrorism, child pornography,
baby killing, and music piracy.  Linux does not."

Excuse me while I go find a barf bag.

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