[humorix] Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit Saves The Day

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

----
Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
----

Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit Saves The Day
Fake News ~ August 28, 2001

At Humorix, we don't like to post endorsements for
commercial products (unless we get paid a boatload of
money). But we're going to make an exception for the
Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit, featured on this site three
years ago[1].

Thanks to the Kit, Humorix narrowly averted disaster when
one of the Slashdot editors actually found one of our
stories funny.  Hemos was just about to place a direct link
to this website -- the equivalent of a death sentence for a
webserver -- when the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit
entered into "RedAlert" mode and prevented the calamity.  

According to research conducted by the Humorix Vast Spy
Network(tm), nearly 5,000 servers have crashed as the
result of the Slashdot Effect. At least 500 of these boxes
were ultimately destroyed by the unrelenting fury they
experienced at the hands of Taco Boy and his
Mexican-food-eating comrades.

"It's like being struck by lightning 10,000 times in a
row," explained an anonymous member of the Slashdot Effect
Victims Support Group at a meeting held earlier today.  "Or
it's like a massive tornado. The mobile homes (Windows 2000
servers) are the first to get creamed, but even the homes
with steel reinforced walls (Linux servers) will eventually
succumb to the maelstrom."

The Support Group currently has 125 members, with more
joining daily. Eric Herboven, the founder of the group, is
planning a class-action lawsuit against Andover/OSDN/VA
Linux/Whatever over the damages caused by the Slashdot
Effect.  "I've spent thousands of dollars in excess
bandwidth fees," he said.  "I've had servers explode on
me.  I've blown countless fuses.  When will the insanity
end?"

Of course, much of the damage and heartache could be
avoided by installing the Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit. 
Unfortunately, the program isn't open-source software, but
at $49.95 a pop, it's still worth it.

The program has received an award from the People for the
Ethical Treatment of Computers[2].  "We need to stop the
cruelty against servers," the PETC spokesperson said. 
"Installing Windows on a PC is wrong.  And forcing a
machine to endure the Slashdot Effect is even more wrong. 
When will the insanity end?"

You can make the insanity end right now.  Install the Kit
before it's too late.  The Slashdot Effect Prevention Kit
is available for purchase from such fine retail outlets
as...

OH CRAP!  Sensors indicate that the Slashdot Effect
Prevention Kit website has just been hit with the Slashdot
Effect!  Oh the humanity!

Okay, so maybe we spoke too soon.


[1]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/articles/mar99/prevention-kit.shtml
[2] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/articles/nov00/petc.shtml

-
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/