[humorix] Fighting Fire With Fire

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Fighting Fire With Fire
August 19, 2001

Craig Mundie, Steve Ballmer, Bill Gates, and other
Microserfs have been attacking the Open Source community at
such a frantic pace that Linux zealots have been unable to
write rebuttals fast enough. But the tables could quickly
turn as leaders of the cancerous, Communist, viral,
Pac-Man-like Linux community have drawn up plans to beat
Microsoft at its own game.  

The counterattack, code-named "Better Dead Than Redmond",
is _not_  designed to cut off Microsoft's air supply. 
Instead, the plan will metaphorically introduce large
quantities of sleeping gas into Microsoft's air supply,
putting the Redmond bohemoth in a state of delirium while
Linux pursues world domination.

Or something like that.

The plan involves three steps:

STEP 1. Equip all mail servers running Linux with filters
that automatically convert proprietary Microsoft documents
into proprietary Linux documents.

Word attachments would become StarOffice attachments.  
Excel spreadsheets would be converted to Gnumeric
spreadsheets.  PowerPoint documents would be deleted to
save the world the agony of yet another stupid presentation
by a PHB.  Windows bitmaps would be converted to GIMP XCF
format.  However, Office macro viruses would _not_ be
converted to Perl scripts.

Under this scheme, Windows users will suddenly need access
to a Linux box to read the documents they receive.  Oh,
darn!

STEP 2. Flood the Internet with pro-Linux advertisements.

Red Hat and other distributors would quietly create viral
software that runs on Windows in the same manner as
"Gator".  This code would secretly replace banner
advertisements on websites with Linux banner ads.  (If
necessary, it would cover up the blank images inserted by
ad-blocking proxies designed to cover up "Top Text" ads
designed to cover up Gator ads designed to cover up real
ads.)

Naturally, this clandestine pro-Linux activity would be
fully disclosed within the software's End User License
Agreement near the bottom printed in Flyspeck-3 font and
encoded in ROT13.

STEP 3. Exploit the viral properties of the GNU General
Public License.

For years, the Ziff-Davis pundits, Microsoft spokesweasals,
and disgruntled Slashdot flamers have all  been claiming
that the GPL is a "virus".  It's time to prove them right.

GNU compilers would be modified to inject GPL'd code into
the binaries they create.  Thus, these binaries would be
"infected" by the GPL.  

Emacs would be modified to secretly inject the full text of
the GPL into any source code created with it.  Thus, this
code would be "infected" by the GPL.

Gzip and tar would be modified to secretly include a
COPYING file within each archive created.  Thus, all of the
files distributed inside the tarball would be "infected" by
the GPL.

Before long, the majority of software in the world would
be covered by the GPL and world domination would be at
hand.

Mwahahahahaha!

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