[humorix] As Easy As /usr/src/linux

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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As Easy As /usr/src/linux
August 14, 2001

Wiping the sweat from his brow, the contestant diligently
continues to recite, "'i' equals 'NR' underscore 'TASKS'
semicolon newline 'p' equals ampersand 'task' bracket 'NR'
underscore 'TASKS' close-bracket semicolon newline while
parens minus minus 'i' parens brace if parens star
minus..."

Bzzzt!  One of the judges says, "You missed an exclamation
point. Ten point penalty for that error."

The contestant realizes it's all over.  He had spent 500
hours memorizing the source code to the Linux 0.01 kernel
and then blew it all by forgetting one stupid ASCII
character in sched.c.

Welcome to the First Annual Linux Kernel Memorization
Contest in New Haven, Connecticut, where the stakes are
high and the frustration is simply unbearable.

Linux longhairs from all over the globe have descended on
the New Haven Offramp Motel to show off their memorization
skills in front of a crowd of... dozens.

"Those math freaks can memorize PI and other irrational
constants all they want.  I'll stick with the Linux kernel
source code thank you very much," said Bob Notmyrealname,
the organizer of the event.

During the five day competition, contestants recite
different files within the Linux 0.01 source code.  Day one
is the "easiest": contestants regurgitate panic.c (222
bytes) and serial.c (1,340 bytes). Those players who make
the least number of errors (if any) advance to round two,
which includes more difficult files.  By the end of the
week, the remaining participants are expected to recite the
"hard" files: sched.c (5,155 bytes), console.c (9,524
bytes), and hd.c (9,734 bytes).

It's not necessary for the contestants to remember Linus
Torvalds' comments, but they do receive bonus points for
including them. For instance, the champion received a bonus
for remembering this comment from sched.c, giving him just
enough points to edge out the opposition:

   "...This is GOOD CODE! There probably won't be any
   reason to change this, as it should work well in all
   circumstances..."

The champion, Eric Malloc, will receive a lifetime supply
of "EyeOpener(tm)" brand caffeinated beverages, a
membership to the "Linux Distro-Of-The-Month Club", and a
$500 gift certificate towards Red Hat products.

"Wow!  My girlfriend thought I was insane for memorizing
all of these ASCII characters.  This will show her!" he
said after the award ceremony.  He then spent several
minutes in a trance while he transferred the contents of
/usr/src/linux to /dev/null within his brain's core memory
to make room for other things.

"I won't be needing that 320 kilobytes anymore," he
chuckled.

Indeed.  Next year -- assuming the event doesn't get
cancelled due to lack of interest -- the participants will
memorize Linux kernel 1.0.0.

"Errr... I'm not sure if I'll enter next year," said the
second-place finisher.  "I've been dreaming in ASCII for
the past two weeks.  I don't know if I can memorize another
kernel version and still keep my sanity."

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