[humorix] Here's Your Bill, Bill

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

----
Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
----

Here's Your Bill, Bill
Matthew "Incoherent-Jabbering" Adair, linux_ys@yahoo.com
July 8, 2001

[Editor's Note: The management managed to pry Mr. Adair out
of his maximum security cubicle at basement level 42 of
Humorix World Headquarters long enough for him to fire off
this incoherent rip-off of the bill that China sent the US
for "storage fees" of the downed spy plane. 

We're not sure if he's sane, as he hasn't spoken to us in a
long time and when he does speak it's in a mish-mash of
various languages including Perl, C, and even Pascal. This,
of course, makes him all the better to write this, as it
will make us less prone to lawsuits if we can blame this on
someone who is quite possibly legally insane.]

************************* B I L L *************************

To: Microsoft Corporation
From: Humorix World Domination, Inc. (Nasdaq: FAUX)
For: Cost of Damages Incurred and 
     Services Rendered (seventh attempt)

To whom it may concern:

The following costs were incurred during the recent
unsuccessful Microsoft raid of our corporate offices:

* 27 computers damaged by Microsoft Intellectual Property
  Police for a total of $5,700 worth of damages. (Yes,
  we're that cheap, so sue us.)  
  
  [Note from our lawyer, Mr. Noah Morals: Please refrain
  from suing Humorix World Domination as the writer of that
  comment is legally insane and is thus NOT to be 
  believed, except when we explicitly state that he is
  telling the truth.]

* 7 glass windows shattered; total damage $410.

* 10 abandoned copies of Microsoft Windows 2000 Service
  Patch 16.7.3141 discovered lying on the floor.  We were
  forced to hire a specialist in toxic waste cleanup to
  remove this unsightly trash for a total cost of $1,200.

* Medical services rendered to 7 unconscious IPP officers
  who fainted at the sight of a Microsoft-free work
  environment.  Total cost, $890.

* Supplies to clean our bathrooms, cost $83.

* Carpet cleaning supplies and labor, cost $235.

* Foodstuffs consumed in our cafeteria, cost $35.

* 22 bottles of various caffeinated beverages consumed, cost $110.

* Lost productivity, $90,000.  (Productivity being a
  loosely defined thing here at Humorix World HQ)

* Damage incurred to our secret GNUist launch facility,
  $500,000. (Well, it _was_ a secret!)

SUBTOTAL DUE: $598,663

PENALTIES DUE TO REPEATED DENIAL TO PAY: $2,000,000

TOTAL DUE (Before applicable taxes): $2,598,663

THIS IS YOUR FINAL NOTIFICATION. ANY FURTHER ATTEMPTS TO
AVOID PAYMENT WILL RESULT IN LEGAL ACTION AGAINST YOU. AND
SINCE WE ARE DESPERATE FOR MONEY, WE WOULD RATHER YOU
CONTINUE YOUR PRESENT COURSE OF INACTION SO THAT WE MAY SUE
YOU AND WIN INSANE AMOUNTS OF MONEY THAT WILL BE AWARDED TO
US BY THE COURTS.

Signed, 

Mr. G. E. Trich
Humorix's Chief Accountant and Executive Book Cooker


NOTE: This document is a publication of The GNUist Party,
which is a branch of the Free Software Foundation, which is
a branch of... some even more secret and shadowy
organization that we haven't invented a name for yet.

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