[humorix] Linux Boxes As Far As The Eye Can See

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Linux Boxes As Far As The Eye Can See
July 6, 2001

Last week, Humorix received a bark letter from Microsoft
and the BSA requesting that we verify that all of our
Microsoft licenses are legitimate.  If not, the letter
warned, we might be attacked by a fleet of unmarked black
Microsoft helicopters and then sent away to the
maximum-security dungeon underneath Redmond  reserved for
copyright violators.

Mr. Noah Morals, our crack[pot] attorney, sent a nasty
response saying, "Do your worst!"

Yesterday morning, Humorix World Headquarters became ground
zero for an attack by the Microsoft Intellectual Property
Police. Agents carrying machine guns assaulted the building
and immediately ransacked all of our computers looking for
unlicensed copies of Windows.

Of course, they didn't find any.  The agents were shocked
and horrified to discover that every single piece of
silicon in the entire World Headquarters compound was
running 100% non-Microsoft software. Some of the Microserfs
fainted at the sight and had to be ferried to a local
hospital.

Said one hired goon, "I've never seen anything like this! 
To think that an entire business can operate without using
even one pirated copy of Windows... That's simply amazing. 
This is the only time in Microsoft history in which we have
come back empty-handed from a raid like this."

Okay, so they didn't actually leave empty-handed. Several
goons attempted to plant incriminating evidence by
installing bootleg copies of Windows on our machines, but
their evil deed was foiled when the Windows setup program
kept crashing with the bluescreen.  We made sure they took
their copies of Windows back out with them.

During the raid, the Microsoft goon force trampled our
grass, scuffed our carpets, dirtied our bathrooms, and
attempted to contaminate our LAN with the virus known as
Windows. The Humorix law firm of Lowe, Morals, And Scruples
has already filed a lawsuit seeking $2.5 million in actual
damages and $4.5 googleplex in punitive damages.  (However,
we would be happy to settle for a copy of the Windows
source code licensed under the GPL.)

-
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