[humorix] Microsoft Releases First Open Source Application

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Microsoft Releases First Open Source Application
Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, bero@redhat.de
June 4, 2001

REDMOND -- Even though the core temperature of Hell has
remained unchanged, Microsoft announced today that they
have made available a software program under the GPL.  And
no, we're not talking about the Grossly Private License.

The Microsoft Marketing Department issued this press
release about the stunning development:

   For Immediate Release
   Microsoft Corporation, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA
   
   Microsoft Corporation, the number one software producer
   in the world, is happy to announce the release of our
   latest innovative solution, Microsoft Bubba(R), under an
   open source license.  This move is designed to show the
   Department of [In]Justice, the US Supreme Court, and our
   millions of customers that Microsoft plays well with
   others and is serious about fairness, standards, and
   interoperability.

   To make certain our new standard application will work
   well even with primitive Communist attempts at writing
   "open source" operating systems, such as Linux (an
   operating system that resembles Microsoft DOS 1.0 in its
   functionality, look and driver support), we have
   released the code under the GNU General Public License
   Version 2.

   To download this program, point your copy of Internet
   Explorer(R) at ftp17.microsoft.com/opensource/cancer/
   and download the file "bubba.cab".  Note that if you
   experience glacial slowness while downloading this file,
   the source of the problem is with the server's inferior
   operating system (Red Hat Linux) and has nothing to do
   with the server's hardware (a 486DX-66 PC on a dial-up
   link).
   
We dispatched the Humorix Vast Research Labs of Doom(tm) to
download and investigate this new Microsoft offering. 
After peering at the source code, we were quite shocked to
learn that Microsoft Bubba(R) is actually a spamming tool. 
The software accesses MUD (the Microsoft User Database)
which holds the names, email addresses, and credit card
numbers for every person who has ever used a Microsoft
product or visited a Microsoft web server.  

About two hours after the first press release, the
Microsoft Legal Department issued this statement:

   For Immediate Release
   Microsoft Corporation, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA   

   As part of a joint research study between Microsoft and
   the Gartner Group, we have discovered that 90% of
   unsoliciated commercial bulk e-mail, commonly called
   spam, is sent via open source software.

   This finding clearly shows that GPL'd software,
   including Linux, represents a severe annoyance for all
   Internet users. This cancer threatens the very fabric of
   the Internet and should be outlawed immediately.

-
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